Cleaning house

This mind is a mess. I’ve lived in many of these kinds of dumps, fixing them up and moving on. I know that I’m supposed to be a professional, but there is a lot to do to get this place cleaned up. It’s like no-one ever did any kind of housekeeping to speak of, never cleared anything out, never threw anything away, never so much as picked up a pair of rubber gloves or a scrub brush. This place has needed attention for ages. It looks like that show, Hoarders - you’ve probably seen it: garbage is just piled on top of other garbage to the point where the whole place is on the verge of collapse and would be better off being demolished. Some people think that it would be a lot easier to just burn the whole place to the ground and start from scratch, but there’s usually something to salvage from even the worst places.

Staring at this mess, I’m trying to figure out a game plan, to figure out how I’m going to clean up this place that looks like part of a landfill. It’s so overwhelming, seeing someone else’s “collections” piled up in such a haphazard manner. What they see as valuable or necessary, is probably moth-eaten and mouldy hand-me-downs. Otherwise, it’s heaps of actual garbage left on each surface, inside each crevice, or dust left to settle in blankets on top of, under and behind cupboards. The worst place is almost always the attic, so that’s where we’ll start cleaning out. I have found that the longer you leave it, the worse it becomes. That’s why it’s important to prioritise these issues in order to get a handle on everything.

Something easy to start with is the dusty corners of the mind. This is where the little things gather if you don’t check on them regularly. A couple of days might not make a difference, but if you leave it for weeks, the dust gathers. The problem with dust is that it is much too easy to get used to. Pretty soon, you start ignoring it, as if it’s not even there. People will notice the dust, but they won’t say anything. They’re just being polite. They mean well. They’re sure you’ll get around to it sooner or later. They’re wrong; you won’t get around to it. You tell yourself the same thing. You’ll get around to it. Eventually. You won’t ignore it forever. Probably. Maybe. The small issues that bug us won’t seem so small when they start gathering in the unswept corners.

We need to pay attention to the dust, because being able to ignore the little things makes it all that much easier to ignore larger things like cobwebs. We allow these intrusive thoughts to gather, to multiply, to spin a web that entangles all that it touches. These webs are strengthened by lying to ourselves and others, “It’s not a big deal. I’ve got it under control. I can fix it any time I want.” The problem is this: those creepy crawlies, those unwanted, unwelcome perceptions and ideas, they bring all their disgusting little friends to join in the creation of chaos. Their webs become amalgamations of issues, of unresolved trauma, of long-held grudges and unhealthy amounts of anger. We need to sweep those cobwebs up if we’re going to start cleaning up this place once and for all.

The air in the attic is a little cleaner, now that the dust and cobwebs have been dealt with. You’ve worked up a sweat getting this far, but the job is far from done. Unfortunately, the worst is yet to come. Along the walls, on top of old furniture, lies piles and piles of baggage - it looks like a hundred passengers have disembarked from a train and just left their luggage where it lay. Why do people hang on to all of this stuff? It’s taking up so much space that could have been used for things that add value to your life. Unfortunately, the heaps of cases and trunks cannot simply be heaved into a dumpster (or set ablaze to get rid of it once and for all) - you need to carefully and slowly unpack each of the items, sorting through them, figuring out where they’ve come from and where they belong. You need to ensure that you make enough time to decide whether the items in the baggage really need to be kept or if they could be put to use somewhere else. I find that people often struggle tremendously with these items, holding on to them, simply because they feel like each piece needs to be part of their life, unwilling to relinquish the pieces for fear of what they may find if they keep digging deeper and deeper into the mountains of memories, files full of people’s opinions, bags full of despair, trunks filled to the brim with mistreatment at the hands of others. They are too afraid of what they might find, of who they really turn out to be when they’ve let go of all that they’ve hoarded. 

With a lot of determination, blood, sweat and tears, we’ve managed to clear out much of the luggage that had been tucked away in the attic for years. The tough stuff is not over yet. Inside wardrobes, tucked away at the back of a shelf, or hidden in a secret compartment, we find the skeletons. I’m not talking about a long-forgotten Halloween decoration, but rather the secrets we wish to keep forever… from everyone, even ourselves. People will beat themselves up about the worst things they have done, the regrettable choices that they have made, even mistakes they made when circumstances were beyond their control. Those skeletons will keep rattling around in your mind if you do not bury them with all that should remain dead and forgotten. Forgive yourself - tell those skeletons to get the hell out of your attic: you need the space.

At the end of any big job, there remains nothing in the attic. Old furniture has been turned into kindling, garbage has been thrown out, old newspapers recycled, kids’ toys donated to a good cause. It feels like you can move a little easier in there, breathe a little deeper, even if it’s still a little dinghy in the corners. I need to remind the owner of the attic, that there is always room for improvement, something that has gone overlooked. In this case, because the image we have of the inner workings of our minds can be a little murky, there are some stains that are just a little too easy to get used to… like they’d always been there since way back when the floorboards were still new. These stains need to be scrubbed. We know that we did not cause them - it was someone else’s fault, but we’re stuck with the mess that needs to be cleaned up. Those stains are stubborn. They are what’s left of how the world makes us feel, after it chewed you up and spat you out. A lot of work needs to be put into getting rid of something like that. You need to make time, have patience and put in the effort to break down that tarnished layer and replace it with something fresh.

My work here is done. It’s time to move out of this beautiful space. It isn’t without regret that I start looking for a new fixer-upper to move into. I’ve grown fond of the place, even if it was tough going at one point. There’s usually something to salvage from even the worst places.