How about a hug

Leaning against a tarnished railing on the front patio of the funeral home, Ivy watched cars and trucks pass by in front of her.

Close to her chest, she held a black backpack that contained a brass urn with her father’s cremated remains. She breathed deeply.

The midday sun reflected on the railing, creating a warmth even in the coolness of the fall day. Ivy had to walk out of the funeral home when she noticed the other family viewing caskets. It was a little overwhelming for her. 

Freddy Thomas, a family friend and owner of the funeral home, watched her through the bay window in his office. Cooper Thomas, Freddy’s nephew, walked in. “Is Ivy OK?” Freddy asked.

“The McCallisters came in, and Henry was showing them caskets. Mrs. McCallister got a little upset, and I think that got to Ivy. She needed some fresh air.” Cooper said, peeking out the blinds of the window. 

Freddy nodded, as he stood. “I will be right back.” He walked toward the outside door and opened it. 

Ivy’s thoughts were focused on her dad’s last day. He had been in the nursing home due to his ill health, and on Hospice. Ivy had gone to see him that morning. She remembered the last words she said to her dad, “I will come back later,” but he was asleep, so he hadn’t answered. Ivy had kissed his forehead.

Ivy vaguely heard Freddy as he walked over. “Ivy?”

She jumped, and turned, wiping her eyes. “Hey, Mr. Freddy.”

“You know. I was just thinking of something. Your dad would be proud of you and Stephanie, and all that you are doing, especially for your mom.” Freddy leaned on the rail next to her, and he added, “But he would be OK too if you cried and got sad. It is a part of life, and a part of the grieving process.”

Tears started gathering in both of Ivy’s eyes. She sighed. “I know. We knew this was coming sooner or later … I just kind of was hoping it would be later. Grief sucks.”

Freddy put his arm around Ivy’s shoulder. “It does, honey. But you need to let those feelings out. Talk to your sister, pray or you can call me or Mrs. Carmen anytime.”

Ivy nodded. “Thank you. Well, I think Daddy and I have a ride to take.” She sniffed to keep her nose from running, and wiped her eyes again, this time with a Kleenex Freddy had given her. 

She carried the backpack close to her chest as she walked down the ramp toward her car. “Call us if you need us, Ivy.” Freddy called.

Ivy nodded, turned and waved. She knew she couldn’t talk. Ivy felt an ugly cry coming and didn’t want to do it out in public. 

She opened her door, and put the bag in the passenger seat carefully, and scooted in. After buckling her seat belt, she looked at the bag, “OK, Daddy, here we go.”

Ten minutes after leaving the funeral home, she pulled up in the driveway of the family home. Her sister, Stephanie, their mom and Stephanie’s husband, Nicholas, were sitting on the front porch. Well, Nicholas was standing, holding a shovel.

Ivy sighed again. She knew it had to be done but wasn’t so excited about the prospect of burying her dad’s ashes on the family farm, but it is what he wanted. Nicholas and Ivy and Stephanie had walked a plotted area and found the perfect spot near his favorite tree where he had put a bench, a table and tire swing when they were younger.

“Did you get it?” Stephanie asked, knowing full well Ivy had, but was just searching for something to fill the uncomfortable silence.

Ivy pointed to the backpack, which was now in her hand, as she stood next to the steps of the porch. 

Quietly, and together, they got into Ivy’s Toyota Highlander, and she drove through the land to the area they had picked out.

Everyone got out, silent still, with Stephanie holding their mom’s hand. Nicholas had already dug a hole, and poured some cement to hold the urn, two days ago. He took the urn from Ivy, who had picked it out of the bag. She took her mom’s other hand. There was a cement headstone leaning against the bench.

Nicholas buried the urn into the hole and filled it in with dirt. With Ivy’s help, he pulled the headstone over the dirt, and centered it. 

Ivy and Stephanie’s mom started to cry. “My husband.”

“It is OK, Mother. He is in a much better place now, and not in pain,” Stephanie said, giving their mom a hug of comfort.

Ivy was standing next to Nicholas. He squeezed her shoulder. “You, OK?” He whispered.

Ivy nodded, her eyes on the headstone. “Howard Jameson.” It had a picture of her dad with his beard, his birthdate, August 16, 1933, and his death date, September 1, 2023. He almost made it to being a nonagenarian. 

It said “Husband, Father, & Papa.”

The four of them talked for a few minutes and got back into Ivy’s car. She drove back to the house, and they all got out. Stephanie and their mom headed to the kitchen of the house. Nicholas headed toward the shop to put the shovel up.

Ivy walked to the table and chairs underneath the Himalayan Fir tree in the backyard. It had been a favorite spot of her dad’s.

She sat down in a chair and started to reflect. Her dad had gotten sick quick with a lung condition and congestive heart failure. It was hard to watch. Howard was always a go-getter, and was one of those men who loved to work and learn.

Ivy came home from South Carolina to help her dad with her mom, who had dementia. So, him getting sick was a big surprise.

He was the anchor of the family – the strong one. Ivy felt the tears coming. She sighed. She hated to cry. 

But, thinking about her dad dying, well, she couldn’t help it. They were buddies or had become buddies over the last two years together. 

When he knew it was getting close to time for him to die, he had a conversation with Ivy. It was one where he wanted to go to a nursing home and told her he counted on her to take care of her mom.

Most people would have considered that a lot of pressure, but remarkably, it was not for Ivy. She felt like that was what she was for – to help her parents. After all, they had done so much for her, and she was not married, no kids and her job was flexible. Writers, like Ivy, could write from anywhere. 

She told her dad, “OK. Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ve got her.”

But after watching her dad go through moments of serious ailments and weakness, Ivy felt guilty almost. She didn’t have it. She could not fix him or help the way she wanted to.

He was too far gone. 

“Hey, whatcha doing?” A male voice behind her made her jump. 

Her nephew, Collin, was standing behind her. “Collin? What? I didn’t think you were coming.” She stood up and opened her arms for a hug. 

“Mom sounded like she might need at least one of us, and well, here I am. How are you, Ivy?” He hugged her tightly.

“I am OK. I guess. Just thinking. Where is your wife and the boys?” She asked after they released their hug. 

Collin sat down. “At home.”

Ivy sat back in her chair. Her heart still felt sad. “I am glad you came.”

“You know what? Papa was so proud of you and what you were doing with your career, and then when you came home to help him out with Nana, well, he was so overwhelmed. You could tell by looking at him, the way he looked at you. From what I hear, he was always asking for you at the hospital and nursing home.”

“Collin, I couldn’t help him like I promised him.” Ivy said. 

Collin reached over and put his hand on Ivy’s. “Auntie, I am telling you, you are not God. Papa was sick. There was nothing any of us could do. No reason for you to feel like that. He just wanted you there. I mean, he asked you to be called that last day, didn’t he?”

“For all of us.” Ivy said.

Collin looked at her. “No. The nursing assistant told Dad he asked for you no matter what you said to make Mom feel better.”

“How did your dad figure that out?” Ivy asked.

Collin said, “We know you. You are always wanting to keep the peace with everyone and make everyone happy. Papa loved all of you the same. You guys were just closer because you were here all the time. So you have no reason to feel guilty about anything.”

Ivy nodded, tears coming down.

“What can I do for you?” Collin asked.

Ivy thought for a minute. “I just need a hug?”

Collin smiled and nodded, he got up and walked over to his aunt, and leaned down to hug her.

Ivy felt her body relax and felt some comfort.