it was not just me

“Oh, I’m sorry for all the mess, Jesse.” Alice, the office manager, lamented with guilt-filled brown eyes. 

As Jesse surveyed the remnants of this year’s Christmas’s party, he grimaced himself. Working maintenance was usually a more tedious than challenging endeavor and yet…a few times a year, these holiday parties tended to sneak up on his unsuspecting heart to remind him of all that he was missing in his own life. 

Not wanting to alarm Alice, Jesse quickly shot her a smile. “Don’t worry about it, love. It’s what I get paid for. I hope you pencil-pushers had some fun.” 

A mother of five now-fully-grown children, Alice was continuously inclined to worry about the people around her. A day didn’t pass where she didn’t ask someone how they were doing and how life had been treating them. These were the sort of questions Jesse dreaded the most. He would lie, of course, but he always felt incredibly uncomfortable afterwards. 

“Well, yes, we did enjoy ourselves. Oh, Jesse, why don’t you take some food for yourself.” Already, Alice was moving towards the community refrigerator. She moved fast for a woman so small that Jesse struggled to keep up with her. 

“You don’t have to worry about little ol’ me, Alice.” Jesse tried for a disarming smile but Alice wasn’t looking, too preoccupied on feeding him apparently. 

As she packed more and more food, Jesse watched on helplessly. She was making moves towards a container of what seemed to be grilled cheese sandwiches when Jesse gathered enough courage for an attempt at dissuasion. 

“I appreciate this. Thank you, Alice. This right here should be enough. Thank you, really.” Jesse tapped a Tupperware container of chocolate cake and another filled with mac and cheese. 

Alice tutted disapprovingly. “No. You have to take some grilled cheese sandwiches as well. I made them myself you see.” She offered him a sharp devilish smile at odds with her mother hen persona. “And I make the best grilled cheese in the world!” 

Laughing, Jesse conceded and Alice proceeded to stuff another container to the brim. Before Alice finally headed out, she reminded him not for the first time not to forget his food when he left. Jesse nodded faux-solemnly. 

It was six hours later when Jesse was finally finishing up his shift. After taking care of all evidence of holiday festivities, he had continued with his routine building maintenance which mostly consisted of sweeping and polishing the floors, emptying trash cans, and sanitizing restrooms. Too desperate to feel human again, Jesse had even taken advantage of the antiquated shower in the building basement. He was near-frozen afterwards but content at least. 

As Jesse exited the building, he looked to the starless night above. They were some distance away from the city and yet the sky was still too polluted to see much of anything. Jesse didn’t mind much, however, as long as the quiet continued. 

If he was lucky, he would be able to make it to bed within a half-hour to catch at least a few hours of sleep before his day shift at the grocery store. However, as Jesse walked, he failed to spot the huddled form sitting on the curb outside of the building until just before he was on top of them. 

“Fuck!” Jesse stopped in the nick of time, knees bumping against the stranger’s backside. 

The stranger rose quickly to their feet, wide brown eyes taking him in. Dark, close-fitting clothing outlined what he could now recognize as a girl. Jesse quickly took a few steps backward. 

“I’m so sorry! I missed you there.” Jesse was careful in the way he spoke to his late-night run-in now that the surprise had passed. There weren’t many advantages to being a tall, black man anywhere and Jesse didn’t want to alarm her. 

She was young. He would guess late teens or early twenties. The girl was dressed for a something so maybe past twenty one. Jesse hadn’t been aware there was a night scene in this area but young people were all over these days he supposed. 

Conscious of keeping the exhaustion from a day’s work from his voice, Jesse smiled self-deprecatingly. “I was distracted. Sorry about that.” He made to leave, sidestepping out of her way. 

Before he could move towards the parking lot and his rotten car, however, he heard, “Wait.” 

Hesitantly, Jesse turned to face the girl once more. “Could you–“ She looked at him expectantly almost. “Could you drive me somewhere?” 

Jesse had a mild urge to cry. He resisted the urge. 

“I-my friend was supposed to pick me up but…” Now that he was paying more attention, Jesse noticed the girl maybe wasn’t completely okay. She seemed a little rough around the edges if he was reading her right. Vulnerable. Maybe she’d been the one crying tonight. 

Jesse was at a bit of a loss. He wanted to help her but he didn’t want risk driving around a possible minor. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. If you want, you can borrow my phone if you need to call someone…” He offered a small smile. 

Curb-girl looked disappointed. Her expression reminded Jesse of a customer he’d once had at his first job at a pizza place. This customer had explicitly ordered her pizza cut this particular way but his muscle memory had failed him when it was in front of him. When he’d confronted her, he’d asked if it was alright if she just took it like that. The woman had agreed. She hadn’t seemed angry but she had looked sad and upset. 

Cursing his stupid, sensitive heart, Jesse tried again, “If you’re legally an adult, I guess I can take you. Do you have ID?” 

“Uh, I don’t. I am over eighteen though – I’m 20?” 

Jesse sighed internally. Could he trust her to tell the truth? Maybe. Should he risk it?

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” 

Curb-girl didn’t say anything to that. Jesse neutrally wondered if her lack of response was due to natural introversion or brooding-teen habits. Now, what? Should he just awkwardly head to his car with her probably staring at his back all the while? 

Jesse swung his backpack off his back and pulled it against his chest. Digging past his uniform, he pulled out a grocery bag with three containers of food. The one on top, grilled cheese. 

“There was this Christmas party. I was given some leftovers.” Hesitantly, he offered the container of sandwiches. “Here, take them. Eat them, don’t, your choice.” 

When the girl didn’t immediately respond, Jesse more assertively placed them on the ground beside her. He didn’t wait for her to say anything else before he walked briskly to the parking lot. 

He didn’t turn back to look at her as he drove out of the parking lot. When he lay in bed later that night, he tried not to think about the girl sitting on the curb. It was better that way.