Blast From the Past: Lord Krishna Says 'Not a Leaf Moves Without My Will'

Back in the old day's things were different. I now realize that time is that commodity, that is never static. I walked into my study and sat down at my table wondering what to do; outside there was heavy rain and the distant mountains were covered with clouds. I looked at the table and one corner saw the photo album. Just above it on the wall is framed the quote of Lord Krishna from the Gita. It states, ‘not a leaf moves without my will.’

My eyes now focussed on the album, I had not opened it for a long time. My heart missed a beat as I opened the album; why did I feel tense? I understood, this was because of what happened in the morning. It was a flashback to the past which was covered in misty dreams for two decades.

 I dusted the album and the first photo I saw was of a young girl just 20 years old. I looked at the photo, vivacious and exuberant. How time flies and now it’s almost 2 decades back and I have not seen her till today.

I was reminded of the hill station of Shillong. Located at the height of 6500 feet MSL in the lower Himalayas it has a romantic charm of its own.

I was reminded of the air force base situated in the plains where the mountains commenced. I looked at another photo that just passed next and showed the girl with me in front of an aircraft. The photo is fading but it reminds me of events two decades back.

I had landed at the base and met my old friend John Matthews. He smilingly told me to accompany him on my bike to one of the hostels of the St. Edmunds school and later drive up the Khasi hills. He casually mentioned he was going to take his friend for a spin and her friend was free, so it would be a good idea if I take her on my bike.

The girl in the photograph was Mary. Memories flashed before me and I remembered we shook hands and she told me she was a teacher at St Edmund's. She was a beautiful girl and wearing tight jeans, a loose top, and expressive eyes making her a picture of beauty. Yes, she sat on my pillion and I drove the bike up the hills. I enjoyed the drive but when I could look, I looked at the rear mirror, which I had adjusted and I could see her face and this thrilled me. We spent the day floating around the town and in the end, I remembered that I was supposed to drop her back.

Everything does not work with a clockwork mechanism. Mathews suggested a visit to the Assam Rifles Centre. It appeared he had received an invitation to attend a party at the officers club of the center. What followed next to my mind now, appears to be the handiwork of Lord Krishna. We attended the party and Mary drank whiskey. I didn’t know she drank; later she told me she had only taken the drink twice before. We partied till well past midnight. At the end with the cool breeze blowing Mathews drove off saying he would drop his girl at her home.

I had to drop Mary at her hostel in St Edmunds. It was almost 2 o'clock when I put Mary on my pillion and drove downhill to her hostel. It's not a great distance; just about 15 kilometers but it is a mountainous road and with curves and climbs and means a slow drive. With all the drinks we both had taken Mary held me tight as she sat on the pillion. Added to it was the all-around darkness with the only light being the beam from my bike.

Mary had taken a fair amount of drink and so had I. With Mary behind me, I engaged gear and moved forward. We reached the teacher's hostel but found the gate locked. She probably knew the gate would be locked because she whispered in my ear hostel rules are strict and the staff is expected to get back to the hotel by 10.

I remember her saying, “Oh my god, what am I going to do now? I should have left earlier,"

I close my eyes and remember my saying, ‘don’t worry we will take a hotel room nearby.’

Sitting in my chair before my desk I could visualize the cold, the darkness, and the closed gate of the hostel and Mary sitting behind me. I could sense at that time she was reluctant to go to the hotel. It was getting cold and with the wind blowing I remember telling her,’ listen. don’t worry we can stay at the River view hotel.’

I recollected entering the lobby of the hotel. It turned out that the receptionist was a girl and she gave me the key to a room. I could make out yet got the wrong idea when she said: "you going to like it, both of you."

The receptionist asked the bell boy to take us to the room. It was warm and heated and had a double bed. She looked at the bed and switched off the lights, removed her outer clothing, and quietly went to sleep. I think she fell asleep within 30 seconds. Perhaps it was the effect of the whiskey. I also was high and slept away. As I closed my eyes, I enveloped Mary close to me as sleep hit me. With my closed eyes, I could reflect how soft she was. We got up in the morning and I saw how lovely Mary looked. She looked at me very quickly and said, "you are a wonderful man, but now drop me at my hostel."

I kept quiet.

She continued looking at me with clear eyes that sparkled and said, "are we going to meet again?"

"Yes," I said " we are having a dance in the officer's mess and you will have to come"

"How will I come ?" she asked

"I will get you picked up.”

"Can my friends come also"

I now bent forward and kissed her and said " yes... Yes"

The Air Force jeep picked up Mary and two of her friends from Saint Edmunds and they came down to the officer's mess for the party. It was a nice evening.

Mary brushed my cheek with her lips while leaving. I wished I could gather her in my arms but the jeep came. Mary and the girls left and as I saw the receding jeep I felt an ache in my heart. Was I in love? Yes, assuredly because Love is like a fragrance that makes the garden a place of bliss.

What next? It became a routine and on all weekends I would take my motorbike up the mountains to pick up Mary and together we went to all the good places to see in Shillong. We roamed the city and the mountain glades holding hands. Then Lord Krishna took a hand. This time I picked up Mary and drove up the hill to upper Shillong. This place is at a height of 8000 feet and cold. That is the time when it began to rain and I parked the bike and we ran to a clump of trees and were relatively safe from the rain.

I looked at Mary and said, " Mary, How about some good Sikkim? I have a can with me.”

 I was carrying a three-liter can which was about half full. We both sat under the tree with the rain falling and drank Rum. What had to happen, took place. Maybe it was the will of the Lord.

"Hush," I said, "hush. Yes, it has to happen." I kissed her imprisoning her lips. It was now a hedonistic moment; a point of no return. Who ruled then? Krishna, Lucifer? There is no answer. Afterward, I lay on her savoring moments of bliss. I had felt flying on a magic carpet.

I heard the sound of a jeep above the patter of the rain and we broke away. The vehicle halted right in front of us and I recognized the driver as one of the officers I had met at the club.

"Hey, Pal," he said, "it’s raining and I will take you to my house. I'll send somebody to pick up your motorbike later on but come we'll go to my house."

This was the beginning of the glorious love and we met more like clandestine lovers.

Many a time I laid her on the soft grass. All around are the trees swaying in the wind. I feel like a man wandering in the forest with my dream. She lay on the soft grass, wet with the dew and rain. The wind blew and the leaves rustled. She is clutching her fists tightly in the wilderness.

 There is nobody around. It’s like a dream. She has a skirt on and everything is so easy. I was feverish as I kissed her entire body. Did I feel like the Lord carrying away princess Rukmini?

I think what has to happen did happen. I remember my flight commander one day telling me that I was looking a little distraught and disoriented and maybe a spell away from this base would be good for me. Had did the old foggy got wind of something?

I remembered that within 2 hours my transfer orders came to move further East into the state of Assam.

I rang up Mary to tell the news but the senior teacher came on the line and said that Mary was teaching and in any case, she had applied for leave and she was going home to Goa. I went away to the east and rang her up many times but the line never connected, maybe she thought I had betrayed her. I didn’t know that she had left for her native place

Met Mary again? No, because a little later I came to know that Mary is married. I was intrigued she married so soon after I left. I continue looking through the album and then the events of the morning flashed before me.

Two decades, a bachelor, that’s it. I had walked once again in the bazaar as I used to with Mary. I enter the pastry shop and behold I am face-to-face with Mary. Did she notice me? Recognize me? I don’t know but I didn’t say anything as my mind was working feverishly and I was trying to add two and two; what conclusion can I draw seeing Mary? What does one do when you start getting sick in your stomach. It means the reason that Mary married as she thought I had left her. What?  gone forever? What did I do? Nothing, Why? because I had seen Mary enter a car with another man and drive off.

Memories flashed before me and I was reminded of the saying of Lord Krishna ‘not a Leaf moves without my will.'