Arms Open

I slowly turned around, miserably living through one of my greatest fears. The 9^th grade cafeteria was bustling with people all around. As an extremely introverted girl, I glued my radiant, ice-blue eyes to the ground as I made my way to the table with my tray.

“Does the crowd still make you nervous?” Grace Williams, my best friend, asked.

I nodded. What on earth would I do without Grace? We were inseparable since we first met in 6^th grade. I looked at my beautiful, brunette best friend. Grace had always challenged me to face my greatest fear - people.  Grace had many friends and was well-liked by her teachers and peers.

“Kaitlyn?” Grace began, “Are you okay? You dazed out again.”

I snapped out of my trance, and I poked at my lunch. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Grace smiled, “How was math class?”

I made a face. “It was interesting. The sub has no idea what she was talking about. Oh – there was a beautiful new girl in class. She had bright, blue eyes and the prettiest brown curls.”

Grace perked up. “Did she know anybody?”

I shook my head. “Nope. She came today.”

This time, it was Grace who made a face. I knew what Grace was thinking. We needed to make the new girl feel welcome. I groaned and reluctantly led my best friend to the new girl.

She was sitting alone.

Kindly, Grace asked, “Can we sit with you?”

The girl smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

Grace and I sat our trays next to the new girl’s tray.

“I’m Isabella, but you can call me Isa.” The girl stated, “What are your names?”

“Kaitlyn.”

“Grace.”

“Nice to meet you.” Isa smiled.

We talked and laughed. I began warming up to Isa, and we began our journey of becoming great friends. We looked forward to our time together at lunch every day.

However, one day, Isa brought three of her new friends to sit with Grace and me at lunch. They were Kurt Koch, Gavin Anderson, and Gavin’s twin, Mia.

I couldn’t believe what was happening! Three of the coolest kids in all of 9^th grade were eating with us! I was on my best behavior all lunch long.

Afterwards, Grace pulled me over.

“Uh, Kaitlyn?”

“Yeah?”

“I think that we should start keeping our distance away from this lunch group.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, annoyed. “They’re our friends. We can’t just turn our backs on them.”

“I know, Kaitlyn. I’m not saying that we just ditch them, but I am saying that we should probably be careful around them. I know how much you used to talk about Kurt, Gavin and Mia. I get it. I know how much you’ve always wanted to hang out with them, but they don’t make the best choices, you know.”

Upset, I just rolled my eyes. “You’re just upset because you’ve always had a crush on Kurt, and he was paying attention to me.”

“No.” Grace flatly said.

“Then what is it?”

“Think about it, Kaitlyn. They aren’t real friends. Mia only hangs out with Isa because she thinks it will increase her popularity. Kurt is only there because he thinks Isa is hot. Plus, these people cuss like sailors; Kurt said the “F Bomb” six times during lunch today! It isn’t just that, but these kids vape too. Now, I’m not saying we just turn our backs and walk away from them before we even give them a chance. That would be wrong, but we need to keep our guard up.”

“Call it what you want, but what you’re asking me to do is ditch my new friends. This is a chance in a lifetime to hang out with them.”

I flipped my straight, blond hair and marched off.

Grace tried to call after me, “I’m not ditching! Ugh!” Defeated, she turned and walked off the other way.

During the next month, Grace slowly excluded herself from my group. She constantly tried to convince Isa and me to join her and leave, but we both ignored Grace while continuing to try to impress our new friends.

One day, while I was over Kurt’s house, I received a text from Grace.

The text read, I’m here if you ever need to talk. The group is taking you down a path that won’t turn out well for you. I miss you so much. I know the last time we talked, you said that you could persuade the group to make better choices. However, I’m scared that the opposite thing is happening. Just know that I’m always here if you want to talk.

Mia looked over at my phone. “You seriously still hang around that loser?”

I sighed, “I don’t try. Grace just always nags me.”

Mia rolled her eyes. “She always will.”

“But-”

“But now that you have us, you won’t be needing her anymore.”

Isa, Kurt and Gavin all nodded.

I tried to explain, “I can’t get away from Grace. She is in my neighborhood, and we are both in art club after school too.”

“Art club? Seriously? That’s where all the nerds go. You gotta drop out of that.”

I winced and continued, “Not to mention our lockers are right next to each other, and-”

I knew I had no choice but to distance myself from Grace if I wanted to continue to count them as friends.

“Okay.” I mumbled.

“Hand me your phone.” Mia commanded.

I reluctantly unlocked my phone. While reaching to hand it to Mia, the phone dropped from my shaking hands. Grace had been my best friend for so long, and I felt as if I was betraying her.

“Sorry… I feel sick.” I muttered. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

Kurt wrapped his arm around me. “You good? I have something that could help if you want it.”

“No.” Mia glared at him. “You’re staying here, Kurt.”

“Come on, Kaitlyn,” Kurt ordered anyways, “follow me.”

I reluctantly trailed after Kurt. Isa stood up and decided to tag along with Kurt and me. Kurt took us down the stairs and into his parent’s room.

“What are we doing in here?” I asked.

“I have something that will help.” Kurt repeated.

He opened his parent’s cabinet and pulled out a bottle. He offered Isa and me a glass. Isa began drinking hers immediately.

“I don’t really want any, Kurt.” I commented. 

“Kaitlyn, do you want to feel better or not?” Isa scoffed. 

Kurt griped, “I am just trying to help you. Are you really going to turn me down?”

Kurt poured himself a glass and started to drink it. He then handed one to me. As I reluctantly swallowed my first drink, the liquid burned as it went down my throat.

I’m never having that stuff again! I thought. 

“Come on, drink a little more, Kaitlyn. It will help you feel better.” Kurt encouraged.

“I’ll pass.” I replied.

After I watched Kurt and Isa finish their glass, the three of us ventured upstairs. 

Mia spoke to the person on the other end of the phone. “Grace, Kaitlyn is back, and she has something to tell you.”

I received my phone back, with trembling hands. I cleared my throat a few times before I said, “Grace, this is Kaitlyn. I need you to stop nagging me because I have new friends now.”

I hung up before Grace could respond. I felt a whole new wave of guilt. Whatever, I forced myself to think. Grace just wants me all to herself. I needed to tell her that long ago.

“Speaking of Grace,” Isa started, “I heard that she kissed Pimple Face. What a freak!”

I knew Isa was lying. Grace would never do that. My friends were making up lies and spreading gossip about her. However, the last thing I needed to do right then was defend Grace.  

During dinner, I began to feel uncomfortable at the way Kurt was looking at me. His flirty behavior toward me that day had given me the creeps. He also blatantly maneuvered his way to sit next to me during dinner, which was weird considering he and Mia had been dating for a while.  

Later, Kurt announced that he was ready to take everybody home. Although Kurt had a driving permit, he didn’t have a license. My stomach filled with butterflies. I felt on edge about getting in a car with Kurt behind the wheel of his parents’ car. I stood there awkwardly on the curb, gathering courage to get inside the car.

Mia rolled her eyes. “Come on, Kaitlyn. Get in!”

My nervousness never left as we rode to my friends’ houses to drop them off. I thought I was nervous before, but when Kurt and I were alone in the car, my stomach turned inside out. He and Mia had liked each other for a long time. I wondered why she was dropped off before I was. As I suspected, he did not drive to my house, and Kurt was talking to me in a way that made me feel extremely uncomfortable. The next thing I knew, I found myself sitting at an empty parking lot of an old, closed down, mall.

I knew, at that moment, Kurt’s true intentions.

This was the path that Grace warned me about. I thought. This is what I was too foolish to see. My mind involuntarily filled with Grace’s countless warnings about these friends. Then, I realized, Grace was right. But it was too late. I didn’t know what to do.

Summoning all the bravery I had left, I confronted Kurt.

“I’m not sure what you had in mind by bringing me here, Kurt. But I have to go home. Now.” 

“But, Kaitlyn-”

“NOW, Kurt.”

“But I thought you wanted to be together. I thought you wanted to be with our group.”

“Sitting here alone, with you, against my wishes, has absolutely nothing to do with our group!”

After a heated argument, Kurt relented and took me home.

***

When I arrived home that night, I was terrified. I didn’t know what to think. I knew I couldn’t tell my parents. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and my stomach was in knots. I couldn’t talk about this with Mia or Isa.

I chose to keep it a secret. I had to keep it a secret. What else could I do?

A voice in my head screamed, but isn’t this what you’ve dreamed of? What could be better than being Kurt’s girlfriend?! This was your dream since 7^th grade!

Then I snuggled in bed with my phone, and without even thinking, I pulled up Grace’s contact. I re-read Grace’s message from the other day, wishing I could talk to her now.

Before I fell asleep, I realized that I was stuck.

***

I continued to hang out with my group of friends. Kurt tried even harder to get close to me, which made me feel uncomfortable, even creeped out, actually. Did he not even care that he and Mia were dating? I began to hate him.

A few weeks after the incident, Mia, Isa, and I were hanging out after school when Kurt texted me again. Since Mia and Kurt were dating, I tried to hide the text from Mia. However, I watched in horror as her eyes glanced at my phone, and she realized who was texting me. Her curiosity was aroused, and she immediately tried to grab my phone. We fought over it briefly, but she was able to seize it from my hand. While she was scrolling through my chat history, I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t what it seemed. She wasn’t listening. She was furious!

Mia’s wide eyes were transfixed on my phone. She tore her tearing eyes from the phone to look at me.

“Y-y-you and Kurt went out?” Mia softly murmured.

“No!” I shouted at her. “Never!”

Mia pointed to the phone, temper rising. “What were you two doing alone at an abandoned mall?”

“He dragged me there, and I hate him for doing that. Nothing happened at the mall!”

My entire body trembled. I tried to stand brave. 

Neither Mia nor Isa believed me.

“I thought we were friends!” Mia cried. 

“We are!” I argued.  

“Friends don’t lie to each other,” Isa yelled.

“What friend would do this to me? Kaitlyn, you know how much Kurt means to me!”

“I’m sorry, Mia.” I choked out. A tear slipped down my face. “But it wasn’t my fault!”

“Oh, yes, it is!” Isa snapped.

Mia continued, “You’re ruining my life, Kaitlyn!!”

Mia wiped away her heart-broken tears. They were only to be replaced with boiling, furious tears.

“I never want to see you in my life again, Kaitlyn! I HATE YOU!” Mia roared.

“I have to go.” I was barely able to whisper. I grabbed my phone and dialed my mom’s number. “I need to come home.” I explained.

My mom took me home, and I immediately proceeded to my room. Once I was alone, the countless tears I had been holding in since the incident with Kurt poured out.

I took out my vape pin – an earlier gift from Mia – and angrily threw it away.

My life can’t get any worse. I am a terrible friend. I miss Grace.

I drowned in heartbreak that night, as I cried myself to sleep.

***

After the weekend passed, I returned to school. At lunch, the noisy, bustling, cafeteria intimidated me more than I thought possible. The lunch line was unnerving. I couldn’t stand it.

I took shelter outdoors, where I could quietly walk around alone and avoid seeing Mia, Kurt, and the others. I remained there until the bell rang for afternoon classes. I didn’t look at people in the halls, and I certainly didn’t talk to them.

That was the loneliest week of my life.

***

One day during lunch, Grace noticed that I was not sitting with Mia, Isa, and the rest of the group. With courage, she approached them and asked, “Where’s Kaitlyn?”

Mia replied with a harsh response, which alerted Grace that something must have happened. Grace instantly left, searching the cafeteria for me, but she realized the cafeteria was the last place I’d go.

***

As I stood alone, outside, avoiding the cafeteria, I looked up and saw Grace walking toward me, arms open, ready to forgive and accept me back.  She didn’t even ask questions. Grace just wrapped her caring arms around me and let me know, without saying a word, that she really was there for me, just like she had said. I knew Grace was a true friend I could turn to, in spite of the way I had treated her.