Contemporary Creative Nonfiction Speculative

   “Where you goin?”

     “Does it matter?”

     “Probably not, but then I’m not the one that’s leavin.”

     That question that nags us as if it were a pimple on our soul we don’t want anyone to see. When you feel you’ve got nothing, and worse nothing left to lose, all you can do is throw up your hands and say…what? I’m done, I’m going to quit, drop out, all those things have been tried before, and it changed nothing. 

     OK, I’ve got nothing, nothing left to lose, so why not shoot for the moon? It is a solution to a problem that no one knows exists, and yet everyone knows exists, and where does that leave us? Stuck in the middle with you? There is no doubt there are jokers on the right, clowns to the left, and here I am…and they have the arrogance to ask where I’m goin.

     I don’t know that it matters where we are going, because if we are honest with ourselves, we don’t know. We live in an environment where dictates push and pull us in all manner of ways; work, school, someplace, anyplace, but where we are. I’ve decided to escape while I can. 

    I was asked once, “Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?” I found the question limiting as it excluded the universe. And the universe is the one place we know less of, than possibly the depths of the oceans, but except for the hormonal injection of steroids to garner populace support, we are afraid to believe that the possibilities apparent are little more than a smoke screen to preserve our dignity.

    We are afraid to admit our fear of the unknown. But what are we really afraid of? That our religious doctrines will evaporate, our gods will become icons similar to the ancient symbols who advocated for forgiveness, while not understanding what trespasses they have committed.

    I am going to the whole. No, not the mass so dense it has, like Brutus, murdered the possibility that someone or something didn’t live up to expectations. That, and power, is a robe that once worn is difficult to discard, even when on fire.

    The black whole I am determined to visit, is a synopsis of humanities past, the worlds past, my past. It condenses everything to the point that it collapses in on itself. Now, some would claim it is a matter of physics, I would suggest it has more to do with the idiosyncrasies of human nature.

    When I think of the whole, I think of humanity, where it has come from and where it is determined to go. We recycle our fears, hate, and arrogance in a never-ending spiral of self-delusion and deception. Each generation faces the same problems with different faces, names, origins, and yet we fail to bring with us the knowledge we have gained from our past experiences.

    The definition of insanity, expecting different results when applying the same measures. And yet each generation is surprised when the rope is thrown over the branch, bombs drop from the sky, and thoughts and feelings are pulled from the bookshelves and burned.

    The world is a mass of humanity that has sprung from varied civilizations, but share a common thread that binds us despite our geographical and physical differences to the basics of humanity, survival. It is rare when one survives on their own because if it is not a shared effort, then we can’t help but ask what the purpose of survival is. If it is to disenfranchise a segment of the world due to our differences, then we must remind ourselves that we too are part of the equation, as we are among the parts the whole consists of.

    Power and greed can be traced back through time, and will no doubt become a traceable part of our future; it allows those who believe they are more deserving because of their intellects and status to claim the role of leader. The problems we face, have faced, and will continue to grapple with are nothing new. We have a tendency to revert to the insanity defense when applicable and use it as a social aphrodisiac when it enhances our prowess in an attempt to emulate the prairie grouse by puffing up ourselves in an effort to become what we wish others to see.

    As I look at the whole I can’t help but wonder if it is possible to change the trajectory we are so inclined to follow, despite the knowledge that it may lead to our own demise. 

    We continue to be involved in wrestling matches that can have no winner, and will eventually trigger the possibility of self-analyzation while Rome once again burns, and yet we are fixated on the fiddle and the untalented deaf musicians.

     I look at the whole, and see a purpose but no meaning. A path with no bridges, only borders. I see the parade of injustice that marches past us daily and yet we are impotent, or believe ourselves to be, in changing the outcome by changing the participants, the practices. 

    Our sustainability as a species depends upon the earth and its benefits, and yet we have been distracted once again by arrogance, greed, and power. 

    “Where have all the flowers gone, gone to graveyards everyone. When will they ever learn?”

    The old adage, “the more things change the more they stay the same,” was appropriate, is appropriate and will be, as we are not a species that seems to be capable of being satisfied with the necessities essential to maintain life. “Bigger is better.” “How much is enough? Just a little bit more.” 

    As I look at the black whole we have created, I can’t help but wonder if it is even possible to shine the light of change on our present state and hope for a different outcome. 

    Empathy provides us with an opportunity to appreciate both our differences and similarities, but does not guarantee change.  That appears to be relegated to the individual experience of having to suffer the indignities of poverty, segregation, and the arrogance, which allows us to remove ourselves from the whole and be content with being the piece that is no longer a member of the whole, no longer a member of the sum of its parts. Will we become the black that cannot be penetrated by the light only knowledge provides?                     

April 29, 2022 15:58

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