Victoria

The warm coloured leaves blew across the boulevard as Victoria strolled her way to the local art store. The sharpened smell of fall slightly revived the newly saddened mind of Victoria. She walked alone with her thoughts as she continued to breathe the air, catching stares from those whom also wandered the town. 

Chalking up her sorrow, Victoria made her way into the art store. The inspirations broadcasted throughout the store prescribed the twinkle in her eye to shine. Fascinated by all the supplies, Victoria splurged on the needed tools to start on a watercolour portrait.

Exiting the store and arriving at home, Victoria made her way to the bedroom. She sluggishly walked down the stairs, shifting the weight of her body from the left and to the right, allowing for each step to be known profoundly through the heels of her feet. She had reached the bottom of the stairs. Victoria stopped before the bedroom, with her hands pushed against the door frame. Her dryly winced eyes contacted the innards of the room that had once been home to two: her and Peter. She stared at the mattress that was pressed firmly in the room’s corner, eventually gazing across the mess of clothes, both clean and dirty, then peering across the mess of objects related to their passions and hobbies. The barrier that prevented her from moving forward was that of the memories in which powered this invisible obstruction. 

It’s in moments like this, where one can truly feel the impact of time, where seconds feel like seconds and minutes feel like minutes. The effects of noticing time often leaves us examining life in a more meaningful way. Like how Victoria senses the chalky sensation of paint on her fingertips as she continues to push upon the door frame. 

The sight of her cat coming out from under the bed gave Victoria the willpower to step into the room. “Alright bro, time to film.” Victoria whispered to her cat. She never used to call him “bro” or “dude” but Peter did all the time, and this made her smile. Victoria turned to her dresser, grabbed Peter’s camcorder, and attached it to a tripod. 

Growing up, there was always a part of Victoria that knew how she wanted to define herself. She loved to draw and paint, yet she worked a full-time retail job. She drained herself every day, mentally and physically, and Peter was always there for support. He tried his best to motivate her and it worked! Victoria saw the path to her own self-defined meaning of success, and Peter was the reason for that.

Victoria grabbed the camera and the tripod and placed it facing down upon her desk, which sat beside her bed. She tore a sheet from her watercolour pad, messing up the tear for the first time and making sure the edges were sharp, straight and looking pristine on the second try. The paper laid flat upon the table, and the camera’s on-screen grid pointed center to the paper; she had watched Peter use this camera many times. Victoria then set up her lighting. Peter always stressed the importance of lighting when he filmed his videos.

The last hour felt like a complete 60 minutes. It didn’t go by too fast and yet it wasn’t too slow. Victoria was all alone with her thoughts. The air in the room was missing something. It felt isolated and friendless. Without Peter, the days felt pointless. Continuing life through the art of painting was her attempt at bringing meaning back into her life.

The simplest of things in life often have the greatest effects on people. Peter was a simple yet misunderstood person. Victoria thought back to the random statements he would make, such as, “I love the way your head, hair and hood look today!” knowing that it would make Victoria smile because of the odd combination of words, or the random conversations they would have, such as, “If I cut off all of my fingers except for my middle finger, would I constantly be disrespecting people?” Victoria laughed in the presence of her thoughts. 

Before she filmed the video of her painting, she connected her phone to a speaker and played the songs off of a playlist that Peter and Victoria were creating together. Peter always stated endless facts regarding all the bands and artists that they listened to. She regrets not indulging in deeper conversation during their long drives and listening to music, but the mind can only handle so much information throughout a day and unfortunately most of Victoria’s adult years were spent stressing about work and finances. It’s funny what routines can do to a person’s life, especially the creative ones that are stuck in a systematic world. 

Victoria’s first painting was going to be a portrait of Peter. She looked through the photos on her phone and then through his. She wanted to find the perfect picture to draw inspiration from. Looking throughout his phone made her laugh as she stumbled upon the multiple retakes of selfies he took before sending Victoria the perfect shots. 

Her eyes flooded, as the instrumental to the song that she was listening to played a perfectly timed chord to the picture shining back at her. Peter’s phone was full of pleasant surprises, none of which failed to make her smile. Victoria wiped her closed eyes with her sleeves and decided that this photo was going to be the inspiration behind her painting. She made her way to the desk, propping up his phone in a position where the camera wasn’t able to see it. Victoria pressed the “record” button on the camcorder, and as soon as it beeped, she sat in her chair and forced herself to grip a pencil, which then connected with the paper. 

One of the most difficult, yet beautiful, parts about being an artist is the fact that you get a lot of time to talk to yourself. Victoria was noticing this as she detailed the drawing. She began to self-reflect upon her life. The hardest part about drawing Peter was the fact that he was gone, and the little details within the drawing had made her realize the things about him that she took for granted. His smile that she will never see manifested again, or his eyes that spoke nothing but the truth. 

After finishing the drawing, Victoria prepared her watercolours and started painting. As she brushed over the red, she couldn’t prevent her mind from thinking of blood, which then forced her mind upon Peter’s accident. 

The day of the accident started normally. Victoria and Peter grabbed breakfast together before they both headed to work. They met up for lunch and then continued to finish their work days. Much of the time, the stresses of work followed them home. They were both working full-time and both earning above minimum wage, but the two of them were barely scraping by financially. It’s a troublesome thing, when both people are very creative outside of work but are stuck at a very systematic point in their lives. 

Before the two had planned supper, Peter bought Victoria a slushy, matching her straw to her favourite colour as he does every time. The day still felt stressful though, and before making dinner, the two of them argued. Peter and Victoria hadn’t argued before, they’ve had their debates but this was the first of its kind. Peter had left their home to go on a drive by himself while the tensions were still high. Only to have his life taken away by another person who was under the influence of alcohol. The drunk driver, who had run a red light had struck the vehicle of an emotionally distracted Peter. Peter died on the scene. 

Since then, Victoria had sensed a lack of purpose in her life. She felt alone. Going to work just reminded her she wouldn’t be meeting up with Peter for lunch. Getting ready to sleep just reminded her she wouldn’t be waking up to her soulmate. 

She had finished painting and stopped the camera from recording. Victoria made her way to her laptop and edited the footage. She was determined to finish this project and begin her journey of defining herself. After time-lapsing and muting the original footage, she selected the perfect background music. Victoria decided she was going to narrate over top of the video. She prepared a microphone and spoke the words on her mind. 

“You will always be the most amazing person to have ever been in my life. I will never forget how you have motivated me, and I will forever wish that I could’ve told you how much you have inspired me. You will forever be in my mind and in my heart. You were nothing but perfect, and I appreciate everything you have done for me. I appreciate you for being in my life and I will forever love you. My name is Victoria Wilkinson, and I appreciate anybody who took the time out of their day to watch this video.” 

This was the beginning of a new chapter for Victoria, a path that she had never prepared for. As the days move forward and her mind thinks back, she lives her life hoping that when Peter passed away; he could watch his life back and see that he was the most important person in Victoria’s life. She hopes he forgives her output of negative emotions. And Victoria wishes for a time that she and Peter will meet once again.