Times of Needed Faith

DISCLAMER: This story contains the following:

Substance Abuse, Physical Violence, Suicided, Bad Mental Health, and Parental Abuse

"You don't understand!" I was screaming overtop of the television in the old rundown building I was supposed to call "My Home"

"I don't care. Get out of my hair you little brat!"

"You have to care! Their YOUR children! You need to know the importance of this!" I stomped over to the TV and unplugged it.

"Listen to me!"

"What are you doing! I was watching that!" He grabbed the bottle he had and took another chug from it, then threw it on the ground by my feet. I jumped back in shock, He ran at me when I heard a young voice.

"Daddy? What are you doing?" Shit, it was Clover, she was only in 2nd grade and didn't know what was going on.

"Cloe! Get in the roo-" I was cut off by a sudden pain to my neck. All I could do was cough,

"Your stupid, no one needs you! Why won't you give up and go work!" I felt him kick me in the gut and then hold me up by the collar.

"Fuck...You!" Was the last thing I said before blacking out.

That was a normal in counter with my father. I was trying to get him to earn enough money to send my youngest sibling to school, and not just have enough for women and beer. I am 13 years old and in the 7th grade (Not like I can go to school that often). I have 3 younger siblings, Aaron who is 10, Clover who is 8, and Lilly who is 5. They all go to school, I make sure of it. They have somewhat good clothing, and eat the most I can feed them. I, on the other hand have worn the same clothing since I was 11 and work all day, including most of the night.

The only thing I care about is my siblings having a good childhood, and growing up to be great people. The whole thing with my father has been going on for years. Too many to count, but I think a little bit before my mom left. She left me with a newborn child, a toddler, and a kid who just started school, when I was 8. Luckily I have saved up almost enough to get a phone! I have to figure out how I'm going to pay for the phone service, and where we'll go after my father is taken away.

I open my eyes to see 3 faces in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I ask while attempting to sit up but wincing when I try.

"You didn't wake up and we got scared..." Aaron replied rushing to help me.

"I'm fine, you don't have to help me." I say swatting his hands away.

"Ivy, you need help. Maybe you even need to go to the hospital!"

"Aaron! I said I'm fine! I can do it myself." I raise my voice

"Sissy? Why yellin?" Lilly said in her tiny voice that almost makes me forget of the unfair life we are all forced to live in. I take a breath before saying

"Nothing Lilly, go eat some food. You too Cloe. Aaron stay with me here for a second."

"I planned to" The other two ran off as Aaron sat besides me. As usual, father was absent from the area.

"Look, bud. Your only in 5th grade, have fun while you still...can." I looked away thinking of how it's my fault that they ended up like this. I never meant for any of this to happen, if only I had worked harder at a younger age.. if only I gave them more.. if only..

"Shut up." What is he talking about?

"What?" I look at him, his fits are clenched.

"You have done so much for us! More than you know! I get that I'm 3 years younger then you but I have to play into this family too! It's not just on you!!" He stood up. At this point he was crying and I realized what he was talking about, I had said my wishes out loud.

"I have to go to work, make sure you and your siblings get to school on time. I trust you with this... Just... Just make sure you get out before.. 'He' gets here, ok?"

"Ok." I struggled to get up, I said goodbye to Lilly and Clover then left for work with Aaron's words buzzing in my head. It is on me, I'm the only one who can earn money to support my siblings. I'm the only one who can get us out of our hell hold. Not only am I the only one who is old enough, I have to do this. For myself as well as the children in my care.

After a tiresome day of cleaning and doing yard work, then going to the bakery for my shift, I finally have enough money to get a phone. I race to the store to buy one. I go to the check out. I put in the money. I leave the store. I get halfway home. YES! I've waited and dealt with everything for so long! We can finally leave! I feel excitement bolt through my entire body, and fear swell up in my gut. As well as happiness dazing my sight, and something else... something that makes me stop in my tracks. Is it guilt? Pain? Depression? All I know is that its overwhelming my body and making me crouch with the device in hand. I can't do anything, I feel...numb. All other feeling has left my body. The only feeling I have remaining is one that I don't understand.. It's there, yet not? Like a scratched record, all I feel is static. I don't understand what this is. I feel heavy, Like I might fall over a cliff and never stop falling.

Eventually I stumble home to find Father there yelling and kicking Aaron

"Where. Is. She?!?" Lilly and Clover are crying and grabbing onto father to then be thrown on the ground. I get out the phone and dial 9-1-1 but before I press the call button I hold the phone out with the screen towards him

"I WILL CALL" I yell furious, finger near the button. Father turns around shocked. Then stomps halfway to me, close enough to see the number ready to call.

"You wouldn't..." He says slyly with a grin.

"Wanna bet?" I press the button. I hear from the phone,

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"YOU BITCH!!" He charges at me more ferocious than I've ever seen him before, I think this time he might have the intention of killing me!

"HELP! My father is trying to hurt me and has severely hurt my brother! Come Quick!" I end the call and start running around to avoid my father's attacks.

"Clover! Catch!" I toss the phone to Clover "Get out of here, NOW!" Father catches me... I don't remember anything else from then. All I feel is pain, spreading from one place to the other as quickly as wildfire. Muffled yelling, then sirens.

When I wake up I'm in a room that has weird tile-like shapes on the ceiling. Beep, beep, beep... What's that sound? Beep, beep, beep... I try to look around but nothing moves. I try again, with no avail. Now I'm freaking out, what is happening to me?! Why can't I move!? Something happened and I don't know what... What is going on with me!? My voice feels like it's stuck in my throat, circling out, trying to get free... I can't move, I can't speak, I can't breathe, WHAT IS HAPPENING!! Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeep, beeeeeeep, beeeeeep.

"Calm down, panicking wont help anything" I try to look to see who said that, feeling the fear punch my gut in repeated anger. Beep, beeeeeeeeeeep, beeeep, beeeeeeeeeep, beeeep, beep, beeeeeeep.

"Calm down. Ivy." A girl? How does she know my name?! What did she do to me. I have to get help. HELP!!! HELLLPPPP!!!! Why don't I hear my voice?! HELP!! HELP! HELPP!!! HELLLPPP!!! I can't scream, I can't move to protect myself, I'm as vulnerable as a sleeping sheep. And I can't do anything about it.

A scream wells up in my throat, threating to come out in rushes. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out... Wait. I opened my mouth. I Opened My Mouth!! Maybe I can move again!?

"IVY!! Stop now!" What does she mean? "IVY!! CLAM DOWN!! YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF IF YOU DON'T!!!!" I can see part of their face now... is that...? Oh my god.... that's...

"Cloe?" oh my god, it's Clover...

"Yes, yes. That's me.. I'm here, I'm here..." She was crying,

"I thought I told you to-" Pain spread to my lungs making me cough more violently then I've ever coughed before. Wait... Clover looks different. Sounds different too. She must have seen the confusion on my face because the next thing she said was,

"12 years...." what? What was 12 years?

"What?" the confusion in my voice was clear. Or clear enough for her to understand. She looked at me with so much sadness and confusion, that it could have been enough to make me cry.

"Hold on. I have to make a call." With that she walked out of the room, but not far enough for me to not hear. I tried moving limbs again. Nothing happened, but I could move my head now! That was good! I think?

".....No.......doesn't.......Aaron and Lilly......" I heard Clover from the other room, but only parts of it. She came back into the room looking at me with pity. I don't understand. What did she mean by 12 years?

"Do you think you can handle what I'm about to tell you?" She sounded serious, too serious. It made me nervous

"When have I been known to not be able to handle anything?" I replied with confidence that surprised both of us.

"Well, you've..." She took a breath, "You've been asleep, for...for, 12 years." My heart dropped. I sucked in a breath, even though it just felt like I was about to go back into a coma.

"12 years?" My voice was shaky and threatened to break, but I held it together. Surprisingly.

"So your all grown up now? 20 years huh..? That must mean Lilly is.....17 and Aaron is........22?" She looked surprised that I could still do math, and surprised for another reason that I couldn't quite dapifer. That surprise turned to sadness, and maybe guilt?

"About that...uhm....There is something else I have to tell you...." She looked like a shy cat

"Like..? I mean, what could be worse then not seeing my siblings grow up?" saying that stung my heart, "By the way, where are Lilly and Aaron?" Clover stared and me for a long moment before saying

"They're, not.......here, per say..." She hesitated when she saw the hurt I displayed. "It's not they're fault though!" She reassured me quickly. "They are just...." She sighed, "I can't do this... I can't tell you, I'm sorry Ivy, I really am."

"What can't you tell her?" Another woman's voice came from the door way.

"What are you doing here!?! How did you find out she was awake!!?" Clover ran over to the woman like she was trying to keep her out. "Get out of here"

"No way! I have a right to be here to see my daughter!" Then the shouting match started. Something about how the woman had never been there and never came to visit, and other excuses and reasons. But I didn't care about that, all I cared about was that this woman claimed to be my mother. I was well over happy to know that my mother had finally come for me after all these years.

"YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL HER THAT HER BROTHER COMMITED SUICIDED AND HER SISTER IS MISSING!!!" the woman gasps and covers her mouth.

"Shit..." Clover looked like she was steaming at what the woman had said. "GET OUT NOW!!!!!" Clover was furious, but I didn't care... My brother? Aaron? The sweet little boy I remember him as was.... Dead? No, that can't be true.. It can't be. He wouldn't do that, he knows how much he means to me. I don't understand, what is happening. I want to scream, cry, punch something, and cripple into a ball and stay there forever, as well as.. I don't know, this feeling is new to me and I don't know how to handle it, I...I....don't understand, she's lying, that's what this has to be. Lies! That's it! It has to be...But if he's really gone, what do I do? I can't live without my siblings... Lilly too? I..I can't, I just...What. I... none of this makes sense to me, what reasons, what things, what meaning....Why?

Beep........Beep......Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee........

"IVY!!! ivy!!" All voices go muffled. I can't see anything, everything is missing. A chunk of me disappeared. A chunk of me dropped. A chunk of me went numb.... The rest of me I don't feel. All I feel is pain, but not physically. I lost everything......Including myself.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee