A Lovely Christmas

December 23, 2023, I pulled my coat closer to my neck, the chilly wind bit again. I could feel my brown strands of hair whipping across my face like blades of grass dancing along the plains. I could feel my button nose turning redder than a cherry. Stepping off the crowded train I looked and saw my stop, Starway Virginia. I bumped into a few people bustling about trying to get to their important destination, I was trying to get to the coffee stop called Catpiccinos. Not as fun or interesting but the cats brought comfort to me during this hard time. I lost Rufus, my cat, a month ago, he was 14 when he passed. I had been thinking about him more since I got him when I was 8 for Christmas. He was the only thing on my Christmas list, I saw him as a weak fuzzy kitten in the shelter and I immediately knew I wanted to rescue him from his hardships. From then on, my whole life revolved around him. Even when I went off to study English, he came with me and snuggled up in my lap when I pulled all nighters.

Ding!

The bell for the Catpiccino rang as I gently strode in and point to a table near the back. The waitress nods and I walk on back. A ragdoll cat with bright blue eyes waddles its fat body on up to me. I laugh as it uses it paw to pat my arm trying to get another treat.

“No, no, dear you’ve clearly had enough treats for quite a while.” I stroke her soft fur coat and a drop of water leaks from my eye dropping onto her fur. Using my red turtleneck I tugged my sleeves down and wipe my dewy brown eyes with a shine in them from the tears like stars shining in the dark sky. Taking my book out from my brown satchel I began to read Sophie's World, a book about the history of Philosophy. Soon I fade away into the beauty of history and my surroundings gently lull away. Suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder, I look up to find no one other than a waitress saying it was the stores closing. I look at the little clock with cat ears saying it was 7 PM. I grabbed my leather satchel and ran out the door. The street was lit with street lamps wrapped with garland and boughs of holly at the top. It was almost foggy but in the air was a crisp edginess accompanied by sharpness. I went to the old train station which creaked underneath my brown heels.

Click click click creak click

The train stop and street was completely empty except for some bright car lights in the distance shining bright against the dark sky like a lantern in a cave. I looked at the board to see when the next train would come and tapped a Christmas song on my satchel. My fingers slowly died down when I realized I would be spending the night here because the train stopped early because of Christmas. I looked around the benches black cold metal, the lights dying and flickering spookily. I shook like a dog shaking off water. I did NOT want to spend the night here. I decided my last hope was that car. I ran into the street praying for someone nice to help me. The car roared to a halt. The window of the red Volkswagen bug rolled down to open up charming face. A round cherry cheeked man with glasses, freckled skin, and dark brown hair. It was my former love, Nate Smith. Thankfully my satchel was across my body because I would have dropped it.

“Hello Maddie! How are you? Wait what are you doing here?” 

“Hello Nate. I am here to see my family and I am so sorry to ask you but can I get a ride into town. I got distracted at a store and the train doesn’t run late. Plus, I think you’re heading near where I am.” Nate laughed goodheartedly, we were next door neighbors and high school sweethearts. Well actually more than high school ever since I moved in at 5 years old we had an on-going relationship. When I went off to study English at Virginia State and he stayed in town to study. He never proposed and we didn’t stay in contact so our friendship died. Now getting into his car I didn’t know how to feel. “So, erm how is your family?” I asked nervously. Nate started the car. It roared to life like a lion waking up from its den.

“Good. They’ve missed seeing you. It’s been years hasn’t?”

“Four.” He looked over, surprised.

“It’s been that long? I guess so. Sitting next to you it seems like yesterday.” Gently he slid his hand onto my thigh. “I think fate decided we had long enough apart.” I brushed his hand off my thigh. He looked a little confused but he was respectful of my space and continued driving. I just wasn’t ready. He never proposed or tried keeping our relationship or maybe I misunderstood. Whatever I was feeling I didn’t understand and I can’t love what I don’t understand. I sat in the car bumping along discontent and uncomfortable. Him on the other hand seemed like he could never be better singing Christmas carols louder than a cardinal on Christmas morn. I smiled and he caught me. I looked out the window to avoid his gaze and saw the starry night shining brighter than an angel on top of a Christmas tree. I smiled, I wouldn’t let my emotions confuse me and mess up Christmas. I love Christmas because its straightforward and simple. There is happiness with the presents and joy with the people. Cookies are cut out in perfect shapes from delicate molds, stockings are filled neatly to the brim, hymns are sung in faultless harmony, the conclusion, Christmas is easy. Contently I rubbed my toes against my warm fuzzy socks.

“Do you mind if we make a stop?” asked Nate breaking me from my peaceful memories. “It’ll be short I promise.” Talking about memories here’s one, Nate said ‘it’ll be a short stop’ I agreed to stop. He goes into Buckee’s gets lost in its ‘amazing’ gas ‘stationess’ and we arrived at my grandparents an hour late. I sigh knowing he’s going to buy something totally unnecessary and take forever at it. Sucking in air I do remember he is the one driving me.

“Sure, please make it quick.” He nodded.

“It won’t be more than an hour.” Whew, I had to think about where I would have been without this ride, cold on a train bench. Right then I remember patience was a virtue. I chuckled thinking of the past times Nate made a ‘short’ trip.

“Wanna share?”

“Don’t you remember the time where we stopped at a pottery place and when we we’re walking out you bumped into the shelf knocking shards of broken pieces everywhere?”

“YES, I’ve never run faster in my life!” We laughed so hard he swerved also hitting a lamppost. “Welp that just happened.” He smiled at me and I felt my cheeks turn 50 shades of red. “OK you ready for our short stop?”

“Yeah.” Honestly, I wasn’t but I was going to at least try to make it work. He hopped out the car and popped the trunk. Looking back, I saw him slip a Santa suit on.

“I have an extra Santa hat for your ears, if they’re chilly, though even your chilly ears are cute.” He winked but I could never take him seriously when he has a white puffy beard and Santa suit on.

“What are we even doing?” I asked hopping out of the car and catching the Santa hat he chunked at me.

“Long story short, well long story anyway my uncle has a friend who needed someone to go pretend to be Santa for children in a convenience store. Macy’sss!!” I chuckled, there is no way the unprofessional 20-year-olds are going to be Santa and Mrs. Claus for only the most popular place for Christmas, Macy’s. I only smiled back at him and when we were walking in I felt kiddies eyes watch us walk in. I shivered, my teeth chattering faster than a woodchucks, Nate looked with his soft baby blue eyes into my caramelly brown ones. In that moment I could feel myself slip away from reality and into a wave of emotion. I suddenly felt warmer not only body wise when Nate slid his arm around my waist. I realized some of the joy in Christmas was not only family but the joy of mystery. Still, I didn’t know how I felt about Nate and curved paths weren’t my thing, I liked straight ones. Upon entering the store, I see where we are supposed to go, Santaland. Full of glitter, ginormous candy canes, and mistletoe. I side eyed Nate. Surely, he wouldn’t try, right? We walked through the bright store lights shining on the one and only ‘throne’ of Santa. Nate jogged over like a child running to open presents under a tree and plopped into the seat.

“How do I look?” Looking at me he winked.

“Too mischievous for Santa.”

“What else do Mr. and Mrs. Claus do in their spare time?” He dared to question.

“Make gingerbread.” I said smartly. To avoid his eyes, I glanced at the seat it was highly decorated with bows and ribbon.

“Mrs. Claus,” I rolled my eyes. “Would you please escort the first child for me to grant thy’s wishes.” “Your British accent needs work, and when has anyone in modern day used thy.” The girl with red braids giggled shyly.

“I liked it.” She said sitting on ‘Santa’s’ lap playing with his beard.

I checked my watch. This ‘short’ stop had taken over an hour. I knew Nate would probably want to go now that it was nine o’clock. I went over and whispered in his ear it was time to go. He nodded and stood up. Then all the kids in line ‘oooooo’ed. I looked up. I knew it. Mistletoe. Nate drew me close our eyes locked. I felt his hands tighten around my waist. His eyes reminded me of a summer day when the sky is full of puffy white balls of cotton and the sky itself looks like a soft blue quilt laid out across the expanse. His nose reminds me of an eagle both sharp and wise. His sharp jawline like jagged rocks on the mountains if you take one wrong turn your lost forever in them. Here I was again losing myself to the mystery. I can’t just can’t. Right before his tender pink lips met mine, I ran out the door and to the car. He ran after me and caught up. “I’m sorry.” The two words said it all. He had pushed my boundary. Something I didn’t know if I could forgive. I knew I couldn’t forgive this surge of emotions in me or the massive whirlwind of confusion. He began the car and silently we drove off in the distance. With Nate it could never stay silent long.

“Did you leave Rufus at home?”

“Um, I didn’t he unfortunately passed away about a month ago.” Nate paused understanding how much that cat meant to me.

“Oh no. Do you want another one?”

“Yeah, soon I hope.” Nate took the exit. “What are we doing?” I inquired suspiciously. “The pound closes at ten lets’ go!” Nate turned the Christmas carols on full blast blocking out any of my complaints. So, I mumbled ‘better not play the music that loud with the cat.’ We arrived at the shelter. It was a square building with little architectural interest but a holly wreath was hung on the door. Upon entering the building, we saw a worker smoking cigars. She hid it eagerly beckoning us in,

“Good afternoon. What are you looking for?”

“It’s evening and we’re looking for a kitten or cat.” I said contemptuously. She nodded as if unbothered by my cold tone.

“Right this way.” Nate side eyed me with a concerned face a face I shared too. We walked into a little room where the kittens would be brought and we could choose one. “I’ll go grab the kittens.” Nate and I waited and she promptly came back with 5 kittens in her arms. One bounded to the ground it had a black speckled nose with a black and orange coat leaving its white belly uncovered. The kitten ran over to a corner, “These kittens are a little skittish, they were found outside the shelter abandoned.” Informed the lady. I nodded heading over to the kitten with Nate on my heels. She meowed as I scooped her up embracing her as she began to cuddle.

“This is the one.” I said.

“You sure you don’t want to look…”

“We are sure.” Nate said putting his arm around my shoulders and this time I didn’t not brush it off. Once back in the car and after many thank you’s I asked,

“How can I repay you?”

“Just follow me.” I didn’t know what that meant, it was too broad I felt uncomfortable and pulled my cat closer. “What are you going to name her?” Asked Nate lifting the mood. “Ohh you should name her something Christmassy!” Interrupted Nate.

“How about Jingles?”

“That’s great and you could put little bells on her collar!” Laughing I saw Nate pull of to the side of the road where a small hill was facing the bright stars. Nate hopped out running around to open my door. Doing a bow he said, “My lady.” I giggled taking Jingles with me to the grassy hill. The cold wind rustled the grass making it bow to the royal king, queen, and their cat. Jingles meowed readily as I tucked her in my coat to keep warm. I sat in the grass the blades tickling my legs. The stars spinning and the world turning.

The stars twist and turn their skirts of golden rays bending and bowing to their queen of darkness,

The black hole makes everything revolve around it,

It has earned the title of queen,

The darkness wields power,

An opposite of light making the golden rays shine brighter,

The queen cares for her subjects,

She watches them in the sky and pulls them closer to her,

She twirls in the sky light flying away,

The stars, her subjects, themselves are beautiful,

Shining their voices their beauty,

The voice sings with merry joy,

Leading the prince of rightness to earth,

Guiding Him in His path,

He will destroy the queen of darkness,

He is the light,

Nate read my journal, and after complimenting me he pulled me closer to him. His warm breath touching my cold skin tickling it. His arms like hot steal strong and yielding to something weaker than himself. He sighed with contentment, I sighed with him. His joy radiated to me and to Jingles as well she meowed with pleasure. I brought her up to my face and she licked it warming me. I felt Nate’s grip tighten around me as he stared into my eyes reflecting off the glowing stars. I smelled his strong Cologne bringing desire to my heart. His laughter my song of praise. I felt the mystery in my heart grow stronger the mix of feelings surge but I, this time, was ready for it. I was to accept it allowing it to grow. This was love and joy a mixture of many feelings powerful and wonderful. Nate pulled me even closer to himself I didn’t pull away. I grabbed his shirt collar and kissed him, no mistletoe needed. His lips soft and sweet like Christmas candy canes. I had so many things to worry about but now they suddenly seem less important. I loved Nate and he loved me. This was the perfect Christmas gift and I didn’t even put it on my list. 

Merry Christmas!