I'm Such An Idiom

I’M SUCH AN IDIOM

The meeting had just ended, but Charlie and Jun were still sitting at the conference table, looking like someone had stolen their puppy. In a way, someone had.

“Well, this sucks,” said Charles.

Jun, who’s first language was not English, understood “suck.” It was a very common and versatile word in the English language.

“Yes, Charlie, it truly does.”

Charlie looked down at the presentation package that he and Jun had worked all night to perfect. He looked at the last slide frozen on the screen, and sighed.

“We really got the short end of the stick on this one,” said Charlie, as he picked up his documents, and unplugged his computer from the projector.

Jun was unsure of what exactly Charlie was saying, but he understood how he felt. Together Jun and Charlie had created a fantastic business proposal, one that would help propel their company to the forefront of their field. As well, Jun had created a state-of-the-art business interface, and a rock-solid app to ensure ease of use. They had worked months on this. And now it was over. The president had loved the presentation, had raved about the forward-looking applications that would not only benefit their company, but could also be sold to other companies, after their company had profited from it, of course.  

“It’s a slam dunk!” said the president.

Jun took out his phone and keyed that in, but he understood that the president had been most pleased with their work. Jun had been hopeful at that point.

But then he had turned to Gary and Blanche and informed the meeting that they would be taking the project forward, and Charlie and Jun would be support to the new project managers.  

Jun had a sudden sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Charlie was sure that he was going to vomit.

“Gary and Blanche?” Charlie had asked. “But this is our project. Jun and I develo ped, created, beta tested, and applied it. We built this from the ground up. We know the parameters and know how to install it seamlessly into the company’s other systems. This is our project.”

The president had smiled, but his words were telling. “Gary and Blanche are senior staff, and they can initiate the programs. They are more than capable. You and Jun will be their support, as I said. It’s a done deal.”

Jun wrote that down — it’s a done deal. He would check the exact meaning when he got home later that night, but he was pretty sure it meant that he and Charlie were out, Blanche and Gary were in.

“But—” started Charlie, looking stricken.

“Don’t beat a dead horse, Charlie, it’s done.”

Jun keyed that into his phone — don’t beat a dead horse, then what horse?

“Time is money!” said the president, “Back to work.”

Clickity click click. Jun’s list of idioms was really growing today.

Everyone left the conference room, leaving Charlie and Jun alone to lick their wounds.

“I can’t believe he screwed us like that,” said Charlie, flopping back into the chair.

June understood “screwed,” and didn’t write it down.

“But Charlie. Is the president not the boss, of all of us?”

“Yeah, except the owner and the Chairman of the Board. But, yeah, for all intents and purposes, he is the boss, and his word is final.”

Charlie sighed.

“So, we should not question his decisions. He is the boss.”

Charlie looked at Jun.

“I guess not. He's the top dog,” said Charlie.

Jun paused. “Top dog, as in alpa male?”

“Yup.”

"Ahh." Jun understood alpha male.

They finished gathering up their props and display boards. Charlie looked at his watch. He and Jun had worked through the night, and it was after three p.m.

“Let’s call it a day, and go for a beer.”

Jun looked at his watch. Charlie wanted to leave, but they still had at least two hours to work.

“It is not time to leave for the day. We should continue to work.”

Charlie shook his head. Jun has been recruited into the company because of his exceptional computer skills, and, unofficially, Charlie was his mentor.

“Nope. You’re my mentee, and I am your mentor, and I say we’re done here today. Time to hit the bar.”

Jun knew that Charlie did not mean to strike the bar, but to go there, and have a drink, or possibly, drinks. They walked back to their cubicles, dumped their work on their desks, and headed out. Charlie stopped at the receptionist, Debra’s, desk.

“We’re going for a late lunch, and I don’t expect that either of us will be back today. In fact, unless hell freezes over you’re not going to see us until Monday.

Clickity click. Hell?

She nodded, and leaned forward.

“I heard about the meeting through the grapevine. I’m sorry Charlie.”

Clickity click. Grapevines?

“Thanks,” he said. “We’ll be at Pub and Grub if you want to join us later.”

She smiled, and Charlie and Jun left the office.

When they got to P and G, they grabbed a booth after ordering a pitcher of beer and two glasses.

Jun spoke up. “Why did the president take our project away from us?”

“Well,” said Charle. “Maybe he thinks Gary and Blanche will do a better job of integrating the project.”

Jun looked at Charlie, lifting his eyebrow.

“I do not believe that is true. I can’t ….” He pulled out is phone and scrolled down, “get my head around it. They are not smart enough to execute this project.”

Charlie smiled at Jun and his list of idioms. Jun was determined to conquer English. And he would. He was very good at everything he tried.

“Well, there’s a saying — it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”

Jun looked at Charlie, nodding slowly.

“They got the project, not based on competency, but because of nepotism?”

Charlie nodded his head. “That’s correct.”

Jun nodded back. “They got the project because Gary is the president’s nephew, and Blanche is Gary’s … side piece?”

Charlie laughed out load. “BINGO!”

They drank in silence. Then they ordered another pitcher, and continued to drink in silence.

“Forgive me if I am overstepping,” said Jun, “but I think that Gary and Blanche are going to cause problems with this project.  He paused. “Or screw everything up.” He looked at Charlie. “I used it correctly?”

“Yes you did, and yes they will.”

Charlie looked towards the front door of the bar.

“And speak of the devil, well, devils.”

Jun entered the idiom into his phone, then looked up to see Gary and Blanche walk into the bar, and look around. They saw Jun and Charlie sitting at the booth, and started walking towards them.

“Ah,” said Jun, “Gary and Blanche are the devils. And by speaking of them, we have conjured them into the bar. Figuratively speaking.”

Charlie chuckled, and nodded.

“Mind if we join you?” asked Blanche.

“Would it matter if we said yes?” asked Charlie.

Blanche just laughed and made a move to sit beside Jun, who, out of politeness, shifted down the bench. Gary followed suit on Charlie’s side. The bartender brought two martinis and another pitcher of beer.

They all looked awkwardly at each other.  

Finally, Charlie spoke up.  

“Why?” he asked, looking from Gary to Blanche. “Why our project? You could have your pick of projects, but you snatched ours. Why?”

Blanche flipped her wrist at him.

“First of all, it’s not your project. It’s the company’s project. You two were just assigned to figure it out. Secondly, we are senior associates, and it was determined that we would be best suited for the implementation.”

Charlie just shook his head, then looked at Jun. “Jun here has forgotten more about computers, and applications, and networking than you will ever know. There’s no way that you were chosen because of your computer skills.”

“Now that’s not true,” said Gary, “We’ve been on courses. We understand the basics. That’s why he was recruited,” he hitched his thumb in Jun's direction, talking about him, not to him. “He’s a super nerd with mad computer skills, but not the face of the company. That’s where Blanche and I come in.”

Charlie was getting angry. “Jun is right here, Gary. And he can hear everything you say. That was really rude. I can’t believe you just did that.”

Gary shrugged, “No offence,” he said looking at Jun.

Jun spoke up. “My undergrad is from Stanford, and my PhD is from MIT. So, yes, I do have mad computer skills. And I am a nerd. But Charlie isn’t. He would be more than capable of launching our project.”

Blanche shook her head.

“Maybe, but we need you two to work behind the scenes to ensure that this runs smoothly. Boss’s orders.”

“I do not think that this is the wisest decision,” said Jun.

“Don’t poke the bear, Jun. This is a done deal. Let sleeping dogs lie,” said Blanche.

“Yeah, don’t rock the boat, unless you can swim,” added Gary, smiling smugly at Jun.

Clickity click. Clickity click. Dogs? Bears? Boats?

Gary looked at Charlie. “Why does he do that? He’s always on his phone, taking notes. Is he a spy or something?”

Charlie stood up, “That's it. We’re done here, Gary. Take your beer and leave.”

He pushed the full pitcher towards them, sloshing some on the table

Blanche and Gary stood, looked at each other, smirked, and walked away, leaving the pitcher of beer on the table.

“Jerks,” said Charlie. “I can’t believe that guy. What a dimwit.”

“Stupid?” inquired Jun.

Charlie nodded. 

Jun spoke up. “After the presentation today, you said we got the short end of the stick. What do you mean by that? There was no stick. And, I do not think sticks have short ends. If they did, then you would just move your hand to the middle, and make both of the ends equal, ergo no short end.” 

English was so difficult.

Charlie just laughed. “It means that we got royally screwed, big time.

“Ahh,” said Jun, “that I understand, totally.”