Don't ask me how. I don't know.

The ice felt warm. Don’t ask how. I don’t know.

It's been two years since I have been homeless. And if you ever saw me on the street, you would have thought please don’t let him ask for money. Well, I can’t blame any of you because given my crappy appearance anyone would have done the same thing. My hair bangs always fell just above my sunken eyes which made me look like a masterpiece of an amateur hairstylist who does not know the meaning of the word “stylist”. And I had a pair of shorts and jeans, which I was given by the homeless shelter before I got kicked out. And I wore them alternatively every day, washing one pair the time I wear the other pair. They were dark blue shirts and black pants, but now they look like white shirts and white pants which have never been ironed. There is an old cafe near Amber Street, which has been there for as long as I can remember. The owner, Rob, is a fine fellow in his fifties. He often gives me the leftovers of the food in the evenings. And every morning, he brings me a bottle of water with a small tuna sandwich wrapped neatly in a plastic paper. He has a daughter who is eighteen, the same age as mine, who helps him in his job. Isla is his only family after his wife, Mary, died in an accident. It is sad. Really sad and unfortunate. But then again, my story isn’t any better.

Kaya is my homeless partner. We met when we were sixteen and on the streets. Unlike me, your boy baby Ryan, who is a goof-off, she is a totally a quiet person. She doesn’t like to socialize with people, mostly because she knows no one is going to talk to her. But she is wrong, I talked with her. And that’s the highest award she could ever get. Kidding there. But honestly, she is just shy. She usually hangs out with me during the night, because in the mornings she works at the cafe. Rob was kind enough to offer her the job. And Isla likes Kaya. But that was not the reason why she accepted it. There was this guy who was a regular customer at the cafe. For some random reason, she fell for him. And let me tell you, ever since she has been a talking mania. Well, at least to me. She comes to me every evening when her work is done and goes on talking about his hair, eyes, and blah blah blah. 

It was one Sunday evening, when she came running to me, like every day and sat down next to me on the pier. “So, how’s baby Ryan doing?”

Yup. She calls me “baby Ryan”. Don’t ask why. I don’t know.

“Good I guess,” I sighed “Did he come today too?”

“Yeah,” she said, her eyes glinting in the evening light. They looked happy as ever. Forming a crescent shape, as if they were smiling. 

“Do you want a lighter?” I asked. 

“No,” she replied “I quit smoking”

“What?” 

“Really Ryan..” She smiled at me “I wanna be good”

Alright, I know smoking is illegal. But I am an adult. Call me a brat, I don’t care. What shook me most was that she quit smoking. She was the one who smoked the most and she was the one who taught me how to smoke, and now she wants to be good? That was the lamest thing I have ever heard. Call me mean, I don’t care.

“What happened to you?” I asked the obvious question.

“You know what,” She said the obvious answer.

Of course, I do. She wants to impress the person she stalks. But does that mean she has to leave me for my only hobby? 

“Hey, I can understand,” she said as if reading my mind. “I know it's out of nowhere. But you see, I talked with him today”

“YOU DID?”

“Well,” she blushed intensely, “I asked him for his order. And he said Ice latte” 

I frowned “Honey, what are you even saying? Just cuz that dude asked for an order like he always does, you don’t have to quit smoking.”

“It's not just that,” She insisted “I heard him talking with Rob and he said that he hated people who smoked and drank. He said it's unhealthy and it could risk your life in danger.”

“Huh?”

“Hey Ryan don't get me wrong,” she placed her hand on top of mine “You should stop too. You know, I don’t want to lose you”

With that, the conversation was over. As she laid down on my lap for her nap, I kept looking at the sky that was blended with a mix of yellow and orange. The sun was already down the horizon and darkness poured in.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Two days later, Kaya said that she wouldn’t be able to hang out with me that day, because she had to help Isla in cleaning the cafe. I didn’t mind, because it was definitely not the first time she ever did this. Though I really wanted to help, she would never let me. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I had worked in a library a year back. But unfortunately due to the increased amount of protest from the buyers to the owner for employing a homeless person to help him, I had to quit. People can be mean. After that, I got into a babysitting center. Well, they definitely didn’t let me babysit the kids. My job was to clean the rooms before and after the kids came and left. But since the parents were really worried about their kids going to a place, where a completely lonely and creepy stranger works, they didn’t want to send their kids to the center anymore. So, they fired me from there. Fates were messing up with me for sure. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Isla had her graduation coming this week, so Rob asked me to help her with her speech. I made funny comments in the speech to make it entertaining. She liked it and thanked me for helping her. During my time with her, I asked her if she could tell me what they taught at highschool. 

“Well, they teach all those big equations and stuff,” she replied sighing, “Calculus is the worst part of it all. I hated it”

Though I didn’t know what that was, I nodded in a way I agreed with her. 

“The Electrostatics and quantum theories suck too,” she stretched yawning “Well, it's over now”

“Isn’t your major Science?” I asked “then how is it over. Aren’t you gonna be a scientist?”

“Well, yeah,” she looked at me blankly “You know, I never really want to become a scientist. It was my mom’s dream to make me one. Now that she is gone, I think that’s the only way to show her I love her”

She looked sad. I didn’t know what to say to her. So, I just patted her head, which took her by surprise. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kaya was thrilled when she came to me with a plan last Monday. She finally decided to confess. 

“Ryan!,” she said loud enough, scaring the sparrows that were eating the grains poured out for them in the ground, to fly away. “What should I do?”

She paced from one side of the pier to the other. “I am a nervous wreck right now!”

“Don’t worry,” I said, munching on my crackers “You will be just fine”

“Yeah, I hope so,” she said clasping her hands “fingers crossed for me”

I raised my hands and crossed my fingers for her. Just then a car pulled up in front of the cafe. It was him.

“Oh no,” Kaya blushed “Ryan, I can’t do this. I don’t think I can…”

“HEY,” I said loud enough to snap her out of her thoughts “I am telling you, YOU WILL BE FINE, trust me. Now, GO”

She looked at me one last time smiling nervously. “You are the best friend ever” and then she was running. Running to the cafe, to tell her feelings to a guy, whose name she didn’t even know.

Why she did that? Don’t ask me. I don’t know.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kaya was rejected. It was the most painful day of her life. She cried and cried until there were no tears left to cry. At times, she would glance in direction and say sorry. Though I didn’t know why she did that. 

“So…” I said, breaking the silence that has been going on for a few minutes “What exactly did he say?”

Kaya sniffed while she talked. Trying to hold back tears. It hurt to watch her like that too. “He said….he would...rather die….than be with a homeless”

The tears were running down real fast, though I did wonder where they came from. Doesn’t it exhaust her? To cry for three straight hours?

“It's fine…” I said, hugging her close “You know, everybody has a flaw. And yours happened to be some stupid guy, who is apparently blind to see your beauty inside”

She nodded, but she didn’t stop. Have you ever heard cry your heart out? Well, that was happening. 

“I am sorry,” she said, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“For what?” I asked her for the hundredth time. But she gave no reply. 

There was another seemingly unbreakable silence. 

“I am sorry too,” I said to her. Though I don’t know why I did that.

“For what,” she asked, rubbing her blood rushed nose “You have nothing to apologize for, it's me, I am supposed to be apologizing. I am such a bad person. I can’t believe I left you for some random jerk. You know what-” she said, sitting straight so that I could see her puffed up and red face, tears streaming down her cat blue eyes “-I love you”

My throat felt dry. I felt like I had been stabbed, in a good way. “You do?”