PO OF CHIPLAND

Jo Riddle was about 50. He was tall and handsome with his long grey hair, considerable sideburns and a formidable moustache. His wife Emma with whom he lived was also tall but appeared motherly. The Riddles were regular churchgoers. That Sunday after Mass, Bishop Waller invited the Riddles to his private chamber in the church where a handsome young man was seated. Waller said “Sam meet the Riddles. Jo is a well-known novelist and Emma is an antḥropologist. Joe and Emma meet Sam Stern who has dedicated himself to the church. He has travelled the world and his latest visit was to Chipland.” They shook hands. Waller continued “Jo had been seeking to meet someone to learn about any little known tribe. Jo you speak to Sam and he’ll tell you further.” He laughed and added “Christmas is approaching and I’ve asked tḥe organ grinder to come and tune ūp our Steinway. He is overdue. I’ve to go and see why he is late. See you again some other time.” Waller went out but returned immediately and said “Tea will be served. Make yourselves comfort and chat.”

Jo nodded. He asked “Mr.Stern may we call you Sam?”

He said with a laugh “Of course.”

Jo said “Sam, Emma and I have thought up the theme for a novel which includes a little known tribe and tribal life. Emma has practical experience of certain tribes and their practices and some knowledge of the etymology of tribal lingo. Waller had told us about your proselytization efforts and your trips to unknown tribal territories. He suggested we meet you when you came here.”

Emma said “Waller had said something about your recent visit to a Chipland. We would like to hear about the tribe there.”

At this stage the staid Mrs.Kingsley brought in tea with scones. She said “These are home-made scones. I hope you like them.”

After tea Sam said to Mrs.Kingsley “I relished the scones.” Emma and Jo joined in and also praised the high quality of the scones.

Emma said “Sam I want to know about Chipland. Where is it?”

Sam silently pulled out a paper from a folder he had and said “This map shows Chipland. The nearest international airport is also shown.”  Jo and Emma studied the map.

Emma asked “What about the Chip language?”

Sam said ‘The Chip language is unique in that many words of English are compressed into single words. For example when we say ‘there is God’, Chip lingo would simply say ‘gurd’ to mean it.”

Emma said “That means there will be fewer words in Chip lingo.”

“Quite right.”

 She asked “Have you got any references to words in Chip lingo?”

 He again pulled papers from his folder and gave them to Emma saying “I’ve compiled a lexicon of various words of Chip lingo into English. I’ve also listed some of the Chip proverbs which appealed to me. You may have these if you decide to visit Chipland.”

Emma thanked Sam and asked “Sam, how do Chips look?”

He said with a laugh “The men and women are like everywhere else. Only they are unclothed. Women wear leaves when necessary.”

Jo said “Sam, are Chips docile?”

“They are. Their chief Mbap and his wife were very friendly towards me. It appears that years ago a ship wrecked sailor who had been washed ashore on Chipland had taught the tribe to be civil and friendly.”

Emma asked “How are facilities on Chipland?”

“There’re none. No electricity no gas no phones. Nothing at all.  But the tribe is happy.”

Emma asked “I wonder how you managed to communicate with the tribesmen.”

“They had a young woman named Po who could speak our tongue to some extent. It seems she had been trained by her grandma who had lived close with the ship wrecked sailor. I’ll say the Chip language is very interesting. It really uses words instead of sentences.”

Emma said “You were unclothed and I suppose so was Po. Wasn’t it sinful?”

“Nothing is prohibited while attempting proselytization. I regret that I failed to arouse interest when I tried to spread the word of our Lord Jesus Christ. I gave almost 20 copies of the New Testament but the recipients threw them away. I gave them lectures and I can still recall the applause which I drew when I jumped up a tree branch as I emphasized the concept ‘Don’t tempt me Satan’. But the tribe remained unmoved by my appeals to Christianity.”

Jo asked “Did Chips have no entertainment?”

Sam pulled out some photographs from his folder and said “They had what I called a love beach. You can see their mode of enjoyment.”

Emma said “These are what we call porn.”

Sam shrugged. He said “Once a month on a designated day men and women who want to marry come together. If they fit they are considered man and wife.” He paused and said ‘“I attended court  immediately after a love beach do. Po was with me. A young woman was standing in front of Mbap and his wife. She shouted ‘Knutzvoly’ pointing to a man.”

Po translated “That woman is saying I don’t want the man. K before the word negates.”

Mbap said “Vril”

Po translated “The chief says it has his approval.”

Another woman now came before Mbap and said “Knutzvoly. Voly.” Po translated “The woman says that man isn’t satisfactory. I want another.”

Sam said “Now another woman comes and stands before the chief. She is complaining about Rik not happening.”

Po said “That means TOUCH IT, AND UP IT GOES didn’t happen.”

The chief says “Krik.”

Po translates: “It means if it is so choose another. The Chip lingo is short and sweet. It saves energy and is precise.”’

Emma said “In English we say for fun when a man expressing his love puts his hand on a woman’s knee, say in a movie theatre, and she says higher to help his search, the plaintive lover raises ḥis voice expressing love! It is pun fun, is original and not borrowed from Chiplingo! Thank you Sam for enlightening us.”

Sam said “I do hope you will go to Chipland and discover further.”

A fortnight later, Jo and Emma were in Chipland. Emma asked for Po and a woman in an advanced stage of pregnancy came and said “I’m Po.”

Emma asked “Will you help us to understand Cḥips?”

Po said “Unable. Sam done it. Tell Sam come again.”

Later Jo said “Emma we’ve a lot to learn and none to guide us. May be I could train someone like Po.”

“True. Remember Rik isn’t true in you yet. Don’t try to find another Po to bed here.”

“That means you should cooperate and field no excuses. Otherwise a spare will be needed.”

“I’ll guarantee it won’t be necessary.”

END