Everyone has finished their Thanksgiving feast, that she just felt miserable through; she couldn't wait for it to be over. She never felt this way before; just a month ago she couldn't wait for it, family to be together.
Now, a very important piece of her family is gone, her husband. Just a year and a half ago she loss her mom; now her husband is gone as well. When she needed to talk to someone, she'd call her mom. When her mom passed, her husband stepped up. He really listened to her and supported her more than he ever had before.
They have three adult children with spouses, and five grandchildren between two of their children. How is she going to shop when all she wants to do, is lay in bed and sleep; but sleep hardly ever comes now. She can't get through the day without tears streaming down her face.
She tries to hide it from her children and grandchildren, but sometimes a tear will slip down her cheek before she can catch it. Life has been a blur since the day she found him unresponsive. She relives that moment in time on a daily basis, but now keeps it to herself.
When she had problems, she would pray about it. She doesn't blame God for her grief or the loss of her mom and now her husband; but she has failed to talk to him. She doesn't know what to say. She would talk to her mom, than her husband, now they are both gone. They encouraged her to pray and read her Bible.
The biggest shopping day is here, Black Friday. Everyone is talking about shopping, not sleeping. They are talking of shopping for their children, grandchildren, and their husbands. Hers is no longer here to shop for this year.
Her husband passed away right before his birthday. Just a week before, she was wondering what she was going to buy for him. This year she and her children planned his funeral. She bought their burial plots, his casket, and his flowers for his birthday.
Her thoughts go from her husband, their final day together; to the thought of all the happy shoppers fighting for the best deal or the most sought after item for the year. How will she do it?
Her grandchildren are expecting Santa to have been here on Christmas day. A roaring fire in the fireplace won't stop them from wanting presents. Her children are grown and told mom, "Don't worry about us mom." What mom is not going to get her children something for Christmas?
Her husband and her had been talking about presents for their children this year. She knows one of the gifts for her children and it will say, "Love, Dad and Mom." She has asked her children for ideas for the grandchildren and for them. She has the lists, but just can't find it in her to go to the stores.
Christmas always was her favorite time of year, but this year the magic of Christmas left her with her husband. She is so tired of faking happiness around others, when she just doesn't have it this year.
Her husband and she planned on two Christmas trees in their new home for Christmas. One of her favorite things to do, is decorate for Christmas. Her husband convinced her to put up their artificial tree, in early October. Just a couple of weeks before he died. Normally before Thanksgiving was to early for him, but this year was different. He was loosing his eye sight, but didn't tell anyone how bad it was.
After she assembled the tree in the loft, she decorated it with all their ornaments of when their children were younger. Her son made a cardboard star, covered with foil, and decorated with garland, when he was four or five years old. It sat on top of the tree that year. As he grew older, he begged mom to throw it away. The star was very sentimental to mom and dad, so mom wouldn't throw it out. She would keep it off the tree, not to embarrass her youngest son. But this year, it sits on top of the tree.
She came down from the loft, when she was finished. She asked her husband if he liked the tree. His response was, "I can't really see it."
The loft has windows on both sides of the room, so she thought it was due to the sunlight, that he couldn't see the tree. Later that night, she asked him how he liked the tree. Again he repeated he couldn't see it. He could see maybe some blue and red lights, but he wasn't sure. Again, she made an excuse to herself, it must be the child gate across the opening is why he couldn't see the tree.
Her husband told her, "The tree is beautiful, I'm sure. They always are when you decorate them. I guess that will be my tree this year." That comment threw her, so she asked, "What do you mean, your tree?"
Her husband repeated, "My tree." Then added. "Our tree." She reminded him that they were getting a tree for the living room later. He responded to her. "That's fine, but that tree in the loft is Our Tree." She didn't know at the time, what a huge statement he had made, until his death.
The tree for the livingroom is to be a root-balled tree. It will be planted after Christmas, in honor of her husband. Some how she has to find the Christmas spirit, so she can decorate her tree. The first without her mom and husband together. On top of her tree, will sit a Santa from the Nineteen-sixties. It belonged to her mom, and was on all her childhood trees, until her mom no longer put up a tree.
The Christmas spirit is all around her, but not in her this year. With the sadness she feels, how will she ever get the Christmas spirit, for her family.
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