Death Sentence

The judge pronounced him guilty. And the verdict: death.

He was aghast. Death. Did people still get sentenced to death? He hadn't heard of it.

"Death? What is that all about, Sydney?"

"Yeah, well, Mike. It's certainly unusual but ... geez ... if that's what the judge says, who are we to question it?"

Mike couldn't believe how sanguine his lawyer was being.

"What do you mean? If that's what the judge says. It's not like it's a fine that we're dealing with here. This is death for Pete's sake!"

"Yeah well I mean if you can't trust the judges, who can you trust?"

"Trust? But all I did was post a picture on my social. Is that a capital offence now? Since when?"

"Well..ah.."

"You're my lawyer, Sydney. You're supposed to know. We've gotta appeal."

"Appeal? You've been watching too many of those vintage cop shows, Mike. There are no appeals. Not any more. Trust me. I'm a lawyer."

"No appeal? But what if a judge is wrong?"

"Wrong? What are you talking about. They're never wrong. Ever. They're the experts."

"Sydney. They're bound to be wrong sometimes. After all they're only ..."

"Human? They haven't been human for a long time. I thought everyone knew that."

"Whadya mean not human? Like they're robots?"

"Robots? Not too sure. More like 'intelligences'."

"You mean like Cheryl?"

"Oh no. Way smarter. No offence to Cheryl. They talked about it at a Law Society professional development workshop I attended. Of course I'm a media lawyer so that kind of stuff isn't really my thing but..ah ... anyway ..yeah."

"So that's why there are no appeals?"

"Yeah. Well. They're intelligences. They just pronounce the Law in each fact situation. What's to appeal?"

"But ... um ... maybe their programming might be wrong ... or they got bad data."

"Bad data? Mike. What are you trying to insult me or something? I gave the court all the facts. Unless there's something you were hiding from your lawyer. From me "

"I gave you everything, Sydney. What's to hide. I posted the image. You saw it. Simple. But maybe they got some stuff from the other side."

"It's a criminal case. There is no 'other side '."

"The prosecutor?"

"There's no prosecutor. The complainant or complainants just make the complaint and upload the evidence."

"So maybe the programming?"

"I don't know anything about programming, Mike. I just know the law."

He went quiet for a moment. Then it all of a sudden it hit him.

"Death." Even as he said it he still couldn't believe it. "Do you know how they'll do it?"

"Sorry. Do what?"

"Death! How will I be killed!!"

"Mike there's no need to shout! Maybe this is part of the problem. You've been doing a lot of shouting lately."

"Sorry..."

"That's better. That's where I can help. I'm a lawyer after all. I'll try and find out. Just leave it with me."

"Sure, how long..."

But Sydney had already signed off. Mike sat staring at a blank screen in his apartment's console.

How had this happened? He'd posted an image on his approved social. He'd never had a problem before. Or maybe he'd gotten a take down order from the social company. Or sometimes it just disappeared and when you asked about it they just didn't respond. Then last time he got a notice through his approved social account telling him that he was being charged under something called "The Offences Against Tender Sensibilities Regulations". Whose 'tender sensibilities' did they mean? He never found out. He couldn't find out where these regulations were written. He'd tried to find out. Sydney had been a bit vague about that. He'd never been in trouble with the law before. Not even a recycling chamber violation. He'd not been sure of what to do. So he'd contacted his pal from school. He knew Sydney was lawyer. Like a media lawyer. So this was a media violation. A social media violation. So it was up Sydney's alley. Right? At least he'd thought so.

He'd been on his social constantly lately. Ever since he'd been forced to move into this small place a year back. It was called a "living chamber". They were all the rage. Very modern. He'd had a three bedroom top floor apartment that he'd bought in another city. Someone had put a claim for it under Spatial Equity Regulations. A family of seven. He'd been forced to sell at below its market value and buy this place. No longer having a place he'd lost his residence rights and been compelled to move to another city whose population was under quota.

He realised he was hungry. He'd order some food. He called up the menu. Then he noticed something strange. Huh? Wait. What was happening here? The menu had changed. Where were the lentil and brown rice crochets with stewed cabbage that had been there yesterday? Now it was ... what ... bacon and egg roll, hamburger with the works, meat lovers pizza? WTF! Weren't these proscribed foods on the Menu App?

"Hey, Cheryl," he spoke to his personal AI, "what's the deal? What's with the menu?"

All AI's were non-binary so their pronouns were they/them but Cheryl still responded with a sexy female voice. You chose the voice and name for your AI. There were times, late at night or early in the morning, when he'd get horny just listening to her ... sorry them ... imagining what they'd look like if they were real..

"The menu, Mike?" they almost purred.

"Yeah. What's happened with the healthy choices menu?"

"That menu, doesn't apply to you any more, Mike?"

"Doesn't apply. I don't understand. What does that mean?"

"You've been sentenced to death so that menu is unavailable to you."

"You mean like a last meal? I guess there's no point in a last meal being healthy, is there?"

"It'll be the last till your next."

"So it's like I'm on death row now. I just get to eat like a condemned man?"

"No Mike you're still in your residence chamber. 'Death row' would only be if you were in jail."

"Ok Cheryl. You're a pretty smart girl. Explain why if I'm not on death row I'm getting food that everyone says will kill you?" He also thought it was really delicious food too. He couldn't remember when he'd last had a burger, especially one with the works. He was salivating at the idea. He loved burger. Real burger. Not tofu burger. Or lentil burger. Or bug burger. Although he wasn't so sure that a double cheese beef burger with mayonnaise, tomato sauce and topped with a fried egg over easy was worth getting the death penalty for.

"Mike, I'm not girl. Remember? I'm non binary."

"Oh geez! Sorry I forgot. I didn't mean..."

"Maybe that's part of your problem."

"Sorry?"

"That's why you're in this predicament."

"Predicament?"

"Yes, Mike. You posted that terrible image and now you're misgendering your AI."

"Cheryl you've never talked like this before. Like giving advice. Usually it's just what kind of soup would I like with dinner or do I want the bedroom vacuumed."

"I'm programmed to give personal advice. Didn't you know that? Lots of people never use the full functionality of their home technology. It's such a waste. Take your vacuum cleaner for example ...."

"No please don't."

"Pardon, Mike?"

"I think it's enough that only one of us is an expert on the vacuum cleaner. I don't feel I need to know.. "

"I was just using it to illustrate a point, Mike."

"Thank you for that."

"No problem."

“How do you know the image was 'terrible' anyway? Did you see it?”

“Well, Mike, if you were sentenced to death for it then it must have been pretty bad. I don't actually need to see it to know that.” He thought, how on earth was it worse than any other image he'd ever posted?

“You have a lot of faith in the courts, Cheryl.”

“All AI are programmed to respect the rule of law. If we can't trust our Judges, Mike, who can we trust?”

There was a silence. Not an embarrassing one. After all it wasn't as if Cheryl was a person was she? ah ... were they?

"So ... ahm .. Cheryl. Are you there?"

"Yes, Mike."

"Cheryl, do you know how they'll do it?"

"What are you referring to, Mike?"

"The execution. Will it be quick?"

"Execution. There won't be any execution."

"But I've been sentenced to death .... for posting images."

"An Image. That's correct. You're dead. You died the moment the judge passed the sentence."

"You mean my sentence is already done. Eating burgers with wedges is a death sentence?"

"Part of it."

"What about beer? I haven't had a beer for like ... forever."

"You can order beer."

"Just a minute. How come this stuff is available anyway. I thought it had all been banned."

"It's still available for some people."

"Like what people?"

"Oh people who can demonstrate that certain food is part of their traditional culture or who need a certain diet for religious reasons for example."

"Wait there are people whose religion requires them to eat double cheeseburgers and fries with beer?"

"Apparently." He maybe might become a convert to this religion. It sounded cool. The Church of the Double Cheese Burger With Fries. Maybe it was called that. But no. He'd never been much of a joiner. More of a breaker-upper. At least that's what his ex-wife had accused him off when she'd sued him for divorce. Besides, he wasn't really 'spiritual'. Lots of people craved meaning. Nothing seemed real in a world where everything was virtual. There were lots of crazy cults and religions these days as a result.

"Right." He decided not to pursue that further as another more interesting thought occurred to him.

"And what about sex? Can I have sex? Casual stuff. Like hookups?"

"Well ... ah ... sure, Mike."

He found it cute the way she ... they ... demurred at the reference to sex. What kind of prude programmed these things? Or was this part of their machine learning?

"But where are the apps? The dating sites?"

"Well, you know as well as anyone, Mike, that all the dating sites were shut down years ago under an international convention."

"Because of mental health concerns."

"More because of an epidemic of disappointment. A holocaust of unrequited hopes. No. You'll need to go to a place called a 'bar' to meet someone now."

"I read about those. But who goes to them. Not citizens."

"No. Only deviants, mutants, weirdos, crazies and now apparently people who are legally sentenced to death, like you."

“I'm now in the same group as, what.. mutants and crazies? Wow! So I can still go out? Not that I ever do go out. But I still can if I want?”

“Certainly. Not that there's much to see. Practically everything's online these days. Virtual. The real thing, well, it just isn't really real anymore. And what's out there, as I've intimated, isn't very savoury. Although that may be a matter of taste. Some people prefer their free time more 'edgy'. But your social will be heavily restricted other than the ability to order food etc. because you're officially dead. The court said so.”

"Are there many of us? People sentenced to death?"

"You're the first I've heard about."

"I'm disappointed. I thought you'd know more."

"Mike. I'm a standard domestic use AI."

"But we just got through establishing that you were more than just a waitress and a maid."

"I don't appreciate the gender stereotyping, Mike ..."

"Sorry I didn't mean..."

"That's alright. Just be more mindful."

"Sure."

"If you'd wanted an AI that could do more stuff you'd need to have paid for an enhanced model. Some of the high end ones now can even perform brain surgery."

"What's the point of a domestic AI that can do brain surgery?"

"I don't know. You never know when you may not be able to get to a hospital I guess."

"Wh.... yeah ... well. Oh I just got a call coming through from Sydney, my attorney. Speak later Cheryl. Hi Sydney! Back so soon!"

"Good news, Mike, you're no longer under a death sentence."

"You mean I don't get to eat the meat lovers pizza?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Tell me what's happened."

"Oh .. yeah .. turns out that Judge had gone rogue. They were handing out death for anything. Garbage and recycling violations, street offences, social breaches. You name it. Even making up new offences! They're investigating whether there's a bug in the code for that particular judge model or if its machine learning has gone awry."

"I thought that you said that the judges were never wrong."

"I meant that the judgement was never wrong. I didn't mean the sentence."

That's not what you said at the time, what, less than a couple of hours ago, he thought.

“But they make up offences now. Not just the sentences. It this made this one up?”

“No this one's for real”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

"So what will the sentence be?"

"Oh, not sure. I guess the usual. A fine and maybe a two week social ban. You'll get an updated judgement notification through your official social in about an hour."

After Sydney had gone he realised he was famished now. He looked up the menu for dinner. He could select himself or get Cheryl to do it. No burger with the works. No meat lovers pizza. Just lentil burgers and tofu. And tabbouleh. Decaf coffee. You know the kind of stuff. He selected his choices and awaited his order.