The Champion: Season Five. The First Elimination.

The Champion: 

Season Five. The First Elimination. 

"Cut!" 

We have just finished filming our four contestants arriving at the beach, for The Champion: Season Five. It's a picturesque day in the Marshall Islands. The sky is baby-blue, and the Pacific Ocean is so clear that we can film fish that are 100 feet deep. The camera crew has already snagged some amazing B-roll footage, including, a family of hammer-head sharks, a school of cotton candy colored fish, and an emerald sea snake.

As one of the four writers, I'm not permitted to interact with the players. The writers are sequestered under a cabana, about 100 feet away from the set.

Our legal eagles insisted that this season, with returning players, it was paramount that we are separated from the players. Of course, I understand. With all money that's wagered on the show, we need to appear as non-bias as possible. But, these players are the winners of our first four seasons, so we all have our biases coming in. 

The excitement on the beach is electric. I can't help but be jealous of the camera crew, who typically become pals with the players. 

Right now, Fisk is holding court. 

Ronald Fisk, or Fireman Fisk, was our show's first winner. Fisk is a massive black man, standing 6'5 without shoes, he has biceps the size of pythons, and a set of abs sculpted by the Greek Gods. But Fisk is more than an adonis, he's a charismatic, and straight up heroic guy. 

His rise to stardom was a huge boon for the show. America fell hard for the heartthrob firefighter. And whenever Fisk got publicity, so did we. It was ironic, Fisk never would have become famous without our platform. But now, our fame is more tied to him than the other way around. 

The Panda is standing a few feet next to Fisk. Patrick "The Panda" won our third season. He's chubby, with long brown hair, that flows past his shoulders. He looks hilariously un-athletic next to Fisk, but the Panda is shockingly nimble. At least he was during season three, he looks like he's enjoyed his fame more than the others. 

Ryan Harmon, a writer with thinning salt and pepper hair and a hook shaped nose, taps me on the shoulder, he says, "It's like Captain America and Captain Underpants." He snickers. 

I say, "I think Panda has put on a few." 

Beverly Morgan, our lone female writer, chimes in between puffs of her cigarette, she says, "We wouldn't have even cast him if he was this outta shape." 

Morgan sucks on her cigarette like a straw. I have never seen the leathery women without a smoke in her hand. I could live without the awful smell, but as the youngest writer, I keep my distaste to myself. 

Charlie Brooks says, "What's wrong with a thick man?" 

Brooks rounds out our writing team, and he is quite round himself. I like Brooks, he is unabashedly himself. From his moon rimmed sun glasses, to his goatee, Brooks is one of one. 

Morgan says, "Nothing is wrong. I just don't think viewers are going to want him around for too long. He's hard on the eyes." 

Brooks fires back, "So what? You want to send the Panda home first because he's got a little muffin top?" 

Morgan shrugs and says, "Hey, someone's gotta be the first boot." She discards her cigarette and quickly whips a replacement out. 

Harmon counters, "Can't eliminate the fat guy first. It's too obvious." Harmon is always worried about being too predictable. That earns him a lot of love from the execs, he keeps them from taking a bath on betting losses. 

I say, " So, who's first out?" 

This is what makes our show unique. The players live together on a beach. They build a shelter and have genuine interactions. We watch how it unfolds, and decide how the challenges will be scripted. If a player loses a challenge they are out. We call it mixed reality. It's designed to have all the human interactions that people love about reality TV, but with writers to ensure that there's a satisfying story. 

Brooks says, "What about Larry?" 

Larry, the winner of our second season, is a middle aged man, who looks like a scarecrow made of taffy. When he was cast, he had just gone through a gut-wrenching divorce. Larry had come home one day, to find his wife with another man, doing unspeakable things on their dining room table. Larry would tell people that, "It was like she wanted me to catch her." They split, and because of an air tight prenup, Larry essentially became homeless. 

It was a dream for us. Larry's arc practically wrote itself, during every challenge, we wrote a lucky break into the script for him. He went from Loser Larry to Lucky Larry. 

Harmon says, "No. Absolutely not. Larry is opening at 30 to 1. We can't get rid of him first." 

Morgan grunts, "Who cares about the line! We're writers! We just have to make sure the story is compelling. Or are you a little too chummy with the execs to remember that?" It was no secret that Morgan wished it was still illegal to bet on reality TV. 

Harmon scoffs, "I won't even dignify that with a response!" 

I try to get things back on track, that's usually my role, "What about Vandal?" Everyone seems to contemplate this. 

Brooks says, "You all know how I feel about him, the guy is pond scum." 

Morgan nods, and says, "We agree on that." 

I say, "but half the fans love him." 

Harmon replies, "Everyone loves a villain. But I hate having that guy around. He puts everyone on edge. He's not good for the show." 

Randal "The Vandal", an impish man, with a handle bar mustache, and bushy eye-brows, was the winner of our most recent season. He is by far our most polarizing Champion. Vandal winning, nearly caused Brooks to quit, and when he was invited back it nearly caused social media to implode. 

See, Vandal won because he came into the show and was unapologetically himself. After Larry's season, we had a rash of contestants who leaned into their sad backstories. It was like they weren't playing to the cameras anymore, they were playing to us. Vandal was essentially our counter offensive to that. He openly mocked the other players in his northern Texas accent, we couldn't even air half of the things he said. He would purposely burn the groups food, and even sabotage the shelter. Vandal's strategy was to make the conditions miserable, knowing it would bother the other players more than him, and it worked. He was responsible our first quitter, an honor that he wore with pride. In interviews after the season, he boasted about his use of psychological warfare. He claimed that those tactics served him well as a car salesmen. 

Morgan says, "Vandal can't be first out. He's our villain. Can you imagine how boring Star Wars would have been if Darth Vader was killed in the first movie?" 

The human cigaret makes a good point. From a story perspective, our winner should take Vandal down. I say as much to the group. 

Morgan nods and puffs. 

Harmon seems to be readying a rebuttal, "That's a little on the obvious side." His tone isn't dismissive, but he's implying that we should continue brainstorming. 

Brooks, who has been focusing on something happening at the camp, says, " Let me guess, we're going to have Fisk take Vandal down." 

Morgan says, "That's poetic." 

Harmon retorts,"That's pandering." 

I say, "It feels a bit chalky ..." 

Morgan replies, "Not if we do it in a compelling way. What if we try a redemption arc for Vandal? Turn him from a villain to a hero. There is that rumor that he donated a third of his winnings to helping homeless veterans." 

There's a murmur of approval from the group. Morgan used to write scripted dramas, so character development is in her wheelhouse. Of course, it's harder for us to plan out an entire arc, since we only control the players actions during the challenges. 

A look crosses Brook's face that I can only describe as dastardly, he says, "What if we turn Fisk from a hero to a villain?" 

For a moment, it's so quiet that we can hear the waves crashing into the shore, then the whoosh as water washes over sand. 

Morgan says, "I like it. We show that nobody is perfect." 

Brook's face turns tomato red, it's rare to get a compliment from Morgan. 

Harmon, who is now wearing a sour pus, says, "Horrible. We can't turn our shows biggest hero into a bad guy! Are you guys out of your minds?!" 

Brooks' shoulders sag like a droopy potato, Morgan says, "Chin up Brooks. It's a great idea. Harmon is just worried about the publicity." 

Harmon's jaw drops into a giant O, then he snaps, "How is undermining our greatest player a great idea?" He obnoxiously air quotes great idea. "Honestly, Morgan, sometimes I wonder what planet you're living on." 

Morgan responds curtly, "It was Brook's idea and it's called character progression."

Harmon punches back, "You mean regression." 

Morgan aggressively snuffs her cigarette out into a pile of sand, then she says, "I need to grab another pack, let's take ten." She storms off, towards our camp, which is a group of trailers hidden behind a thick stretch of jungle. 

Harmon says, "I hope she runs into a leopard." Then he saunters off in the same direction.  

Now it's just Brooks and I, and Brooks is still watching the camp like a hawk. I ask him what he's looking at. He says, " Fisk and Vandal are out in the ocean trying to spear fish." 

Fisk was like Aqua Man with the spear, we used a video of him carrying five massive fish in each hand, in the advertising for the first season. 

On the other hand, Vandal didn't fish once in his season. I decide to see this for myself. We have a straight on view of the camp, but we also have monitors equipped with audio for a closer vantage point. Looking at the monitor, I see Fisk has already caught two huge red fish, with white spots. Vandal is skinning the fish as Fisk brings them in. 

Suddenly, Fisk bursts out of the sea. The force of his body sends a geyser of water into the humid air. There are two teal fish glued to his spear. He smoothly removes them, and places them in front of Vandal. 

Vandal nods, pulls out the tiny carving knife we provide the players, and gets to work on filleting the fish. It's strange seeing Vandal behave so civilly. Maybe he doesn't want to run afoul of America's sweetheart? 

Vandal is skillfully slicing the fish apart, while wiping sweat of his bushy eye brows. Fisk catches two more fish before Morgan and Harmon return. 

We spend the next hour learning the details of tomorrow's challenge. It's called Bag in a Grid. It takes place on a massive stretch of sand, that has been roped off into hundred square grids. Each player will search for a bag with their name on it, the bags are buried beneath one of the grids. When they find their bag, they have to bring it back to their starting mat. Then they're safe. There's a few wrinkles to this challenge. If a player finds someone else's bag they can grab it and the other player can try to wrestle is away from them. If one of the players finds their bag, the other players can try to stop them from getting to their mat. And, safe players can interfere with those still in the game. 

The sun is beginning to set, the sky is the color of pink lemonade, it's breathtaking. But the scenery is upstaged by our lack of a script for the challenge. 

Morgan says, "Ok, let's hear final pitches..." 

Before she can say anything else, movement at camp catches everyone's eye. 

Brooks starts laughing, "Oh man! Panda and Larry are puking their brains out!" 

I think back to Vandal rubbing those eyebrows, I say, "I think Vandal poisoned them." 

Harmon retorts, "That's quite an accusation!" 

I say, "he was rubbing his eye brows while he was filleting the fish earlier." 

Harmon says, "It was 100 degrees out, he was probably just sweaty! And if that were the case why isn't Fisk sick?" 

Brooks answers for me, "Maybe he was in on it. Nobody can be that perfect!" 

Harmon sighs dramatically, "Am I the only one here who hasn't lost their marbles?"

Ignoring Harmon, Morgan says, "That would play nicely into our hero to villain arc." 

Harmon explodes, "That's not happening!" 

Staying calm, as if she's enjoying the advantage, Morgan asks, "Okay so who do you think we should oust first?" 

Harmon answers, "Fisk." 

The rest of us gasp. 

Morgan says, "What happened to not undermining the face of the franchise?" 

Harmon explains, "This is not undermining. This is showing that even our greatest competitor is not bigger than the show. We'll edit the episode to heavily focus on him, give the fans their fix, and then send him on his way." 

Morgan says, "and how much will we make from the money bet on Fisk?" 

Harmon simply rolls his eyes in response

Morgan says, " Let's boot Panda. We'll have him struggle to keep up physically. The message is this is an intense show and you can't win if you're not in good enough shape. We can then focus on the Vandal-Fisk rivalry. And we all know we can easily toss Larry next." 

Brooks jumps in to make a case to keep Panda. He says it's important to show that people of all sizes can do well out here and he gently implies that Morgan is being fat phobic. I do my best to keep things in order. The hours are melting off the clock, and I remind everyone that we need a script by sun rise. 

After hours of intensive debate, we manage to reach a compromise, and a script is born. I shuffle off to my cabin and immediately drift off into a dreamless sleep. 

Three hours later, it's time to film. A skittish looking production assistant drew the short straw and has the unenviable task of delivering the scripts to the players. To their credit, they each keep a stoic face upon reading the script. 

The show's host, Dale Gibbs, explains the challenge to the players and the cameras. The sand grid is roughly the size of a football field. The players mats are situated in each of the four back corners of the field. Fisk and Larry are on one side of the field, and Panda and Vandal are across from them. 

Gibbs says, "Ready. Set. Go!" 

Fisk explodes off his mat. He starts tearing up the sand in the grid nearest to him. 

Larry is jogging to the other side of the field, his lanky arms look like windshield wipers in a heavy storm. Vandal is taking the same approach as Fisk. 

Panda is the last to a grid. He looks like he's about to puke. 

Gibbs shouts, "It looks like Randal the Vandal has his bag!" 

True to his nature, Vandal is back pedaling to his mat, while starring down the other players. The taunting was not in the script. 

Gibbs continues to narrate, "And Vandal drops his bag! He is safe! Who will join him?"

Vandal leaves his bag and heads across the grid, towards Fisk. Meanwhile, Larry pulls a bag from the sand and heads back towards his mat. 

Panda is struggling to dig up his second grid; while, Fisk is kicking up sand like a tornado. 

Vandal is now watching Fisk dig, waiting to interfere. Fisk finally hits pay-dirt, the bag is a brown duffel, meant to blend into the sand. He checks the bottom of the bag for his name, he curses, then tosses the bag aside. 

Panda realizes what this means, and jogs like a rag doll to the other end of the field. Neither Fisk nor Vandal make any attempt to stop the helplessly out of breath Panda. Panda reaches the bag, but instead of picking It up, he heads towards Larry's mat. 

Meanwhile, Fisk has found his bag. Vandal jumps onto his back and tries to tug the bag from his massive hands. With Vandal on him like a child getting a piggyback ride, Fisk marches to his mat. 

Panda grabs his bag off a confused Larry's mat. Panda says, "You forgot to check the name Lar." 

Larry takes off like a bat out of hell towards his bag. When he grabs it, Panda is no more than halfway to his mat. Meanwhile, Fisk is 20 yards away from his goal, but Vandal is riding his back, which slows him significantly.

Larry is flying too fast, not minding the ropes, he trips hilariously and face plants into the sand. 

Meanwhile, Panda collapses onto his mat. He is safe. 

Larry picks himself up, and breaks into a dead sprint, his mat his only 20 yards away. Fisk is 8 yards from his mat, but Vandal is making every inch a struggle. 

Gibbs narrates the finale, "Larry is moving like lighting! He's 20 yards away, 15, 10!" 

Suddenly, Fisk hurls Vandal off his back. And in two strides, he makes it to his mat.

Gibbs exclaims, "Fisk is safe! Larry is the first to trip and fall out of the competition! Wow! Who knows what will happen next week! Tune in to find out who will go home next!