The day I met you again.

When I decided to attend my colleague's wedding, I knew I had to be strong. To see him again after a long year of not talking would have been difficult. Yet, I found myself choosing the best outfit I owned and wearing my red lipstick with confidence. Almost as if this could cure my soul. 

Let me tell you, that we did not leave on bad terms. The timing was wrong. What is it they say? "Right person, wrong time." I never believed in this notion before him. And the moment I met him, I believed in it. Before him, no one had ever truly understood me on such a deep level. The moment I was in his arms, the world became a better place, and I became a better person. 

It was the most difficult decision to let him go, the hardest I have ever had to take. But I owed it to myself, to him and... to her. It was not correct to have another woman's man. To desire him or his heart when it was meant to be for someone else. Now, after a long year, I am a different woman and ready to be strong and face him. 

I reached the reception and gave my name. The gentle person directed me to my seat, where I sat down. Scanning the room around for familiar faces, I could not see him. He was not there. I thought that perhaps he would not attend. While meeting people at my table (mind you it was a singles table), I heard the sound of the chair moving. I turned and there he was. Majestic and sweet as I can remember. His seat was right next to mine. We smiled at each other with such formality, that I almost could not believe I used to be in this man's arms. 

We exchanged a few informalities, life and work. Never stopped looking into each other eyes. Then our sarcasm took over. And there it was, one look. One single, profound look. Something changed in the air, between us. However, neither of us dared to ask about our love life. We kept talking to the rest of the guests. We all sat together laughing and socialising until our beloved couple entered the room. Happy, loving and stunningly beautiful. We were all smiling and looking at them.

I turned around to look at him and he was looking at me. 

My stomach moved. My heart skipped a beat. I felt my emotions changing and moving at such a speed it scared me. 

I could not stop looking at him.

And there it was, a pure moment where everything that we lived came back to life. Came back to me. And I could not help but feel the warmth that I always felt. It was almost as if my feelings reflected my drink. Warm as my glass of brandy. He has been my warm glass of brandy. 

The sentiment I was now experiencing, scared me to the point where my head was spinning. I had yet to decide if it was the drinks or if it was him. 

I got up and decided that I needed some air. I felt flustered. My cheeks were on fire and I could feel myself missing air. I had to breathe, all those feelings and energies were making me drawn and I needed some fresh air. Walking out to the terrace, I finally breathed out all the tension I held in my stomach. I picked up my vape and released the smoke like I could do the same with the knot in my stomach. Then I heard it. It was his voice. 

"You still have not lost the habit, I see." 

I turned around and smiled. 

"I cannot lose everything, what will be of me?"

"Well, if you want to damage your lungs."

I laughed sarcastically, he used to say this to me all the time. 

"I do what I want, Norjad." He laughed. 

"Still defiant as ever." He said with a grin on his face.

"You talk as if you do not know how I am."

"I know who you are. I appreciate who you are. Always honest, confident and always the most beautiful woman in the room."

I giggled. He held this power over me, where I could turn into the most shy little girl and not be afraid of it. I have never been afraid to be seen by him. I never had to hide. Or be someone I am not. 

I did not reply. I just looked at him and smiled. Then, I turned around facing the gardens admiring how the moon reflected on the flowers. 

I finally spoke. 

"The gardens here are majestic. Fancy a walk? Or, is your hay fever going to be a problem?" 

He laughed and then he replied " I do not know, is your ADHD brain going to be able to handle it? Is not too many colours ?"

"That was you, never me. CP."

He laughed again.

"I missed our sarcasm. I missed you. Let us go."

We walked down the stairs, he offered his hand like the real gentleman he is. When we reached the end of the staircase, he did not let go of my hand. Instead, he held it tighter than before. I did not let go. In fact, I held tighter too. 

I kept thinking about how it was possible to feel such strong emotions. Even after such a long time has passed by. I kept thinking that I should not hold his hand. He was meant for another woman. Not me. And yet, I could not bring myself to let go of his hand. I felt safe, powerful, and invincible with him by my side. I allowed myself once again to have these feelings. I have done it on my own. However, with him, I felt my emotions even stronger. 

Then he stopped walking, he looked at the sunflowers and he finally spoke. 

"Every time I see sunflowers, I think of you. They represent you. I understood after you left why it is your favourite flower. You light up every room you enter."

I smiled. 

"Why are you sitting at the singles table?"

"Because I am."

"What? When? Are you okay?"

He hugged me and held me. He cupped my face and then said:

"We broke it off right after you left. I was not in love with her any longer. I was already in love with you."

I stood in his arms, in silence. Looking at him trying to understand the words that came out of his mouth. 

"I knew I was in love with you Janas, I have always been. The way we connect on all levels, I could not believe I denied it all. I have not reached out because I had to be sure. I could not hurt you again. I had to be sure that if I had seen you again, I would be the man you needed me to be. I loved you and love you. I love you. I contacted the groom and bride to know if you were present today, I asked to be sat at the same table as you. And like you always say to me, we do not need to talk. We look at each other and know. I love you. Please will you give me another chance?"

I stood there not pronouncing a single word. Looking at him. Every atom in my body was shaking and trembling. With tears flooding down my face, I held his hand and placed it on my chest. He smiled with watery eyes. 

I placed myself on his chest, hearing the sound of his heart pacing with such a strong rhythm that I would want to be the harmony of my life. 

He spoke again while lifting my chin to look at me in my eyes. 

"I get lost and found in your eyes. You see me for me and you are not afraid of me. You lift me up and make me want to be a better human being. I missed you. I miss talking to you and having your opinion on everything I do. I want to do this for the rest of my days. Please, Janas, give me a chance. Will you? "

It amazed me how unaware I was of myself. I moved on but never moved on. How my feelings for him were always there, just hidden. How he wanted to be sure before hurting me again. He always put me first. No matter what. 

With a trembling voice, while losing myself in his eyes, I spoke decisive words:

"I Do."