There is a saying that goes, "Life is full of difficulties, and changing your luck is even more difficult." At least, that's what I thought. My fortune has been deteriorating since I was a small child. Then there were questions about comprehension, such as "what is luck?" "Luck is a good luck charm, a symbol of your life, a symbol that has been able to rescue me from my misery since I was a small child." My mother never loved me; she despised the sight of me because I reminded her of my dreadful father, who abandoned us with nothing but a broken house and a broken heart. That's when everything began; I was only a ten year old girl and knew nothing about life, but the way I was treated made me believe that only luck would change my life someday, and it did.
I changed my luck, fell in love, and lived happily ever after, or so I thought. Until one day, my mother unexpectedly reappeared in my life. The person who made me fearful of living in this world. The person who made me cry and feel helpless. The person who provided me with nothing, not even food. She'd arrive late at night, and I'd be waiting for her in the living room. She'd walk into the room, very drunk, and just stare at me "What are you doing there, sitting? Go to your room immediately!" I'd just sit there and cry. "So you're already disobeying me?" She'd enragedly inquired. "I'm hungry," I'd mutter as I sat motionless on the couch. And then I'd cry and run into my room, tears streaming down my cheeks. Having so much hatred for a young child is the worst kind of misery.
Thoughts of her brought tears to my eyes as I read a text from her.
Where have you gone? You'd better get back to me!
I felt my hands gripping the phone a little too tightly, gripping the anger deep within. I was sitting by the island table in my kitchen when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, allowing me to gradually calm down.
Dave Holland, my husband, The person who taught me to love, the person who gave me life. We met at the library in college. It was so unexpected, but he saved me from reading the worst book possible that I literally laughed.
" Honey, times are tough, but they'll get even tougher if we don't do something about it, hm?" He says this while clutching me tightly. I let myself be carried away by his touch, feeling my emotions slowly shift.
And he was right.
That was the day I decided that life was bad enough as it was, and we only needed luck to change it. But it wasn't a lack of luck that was the issue; it was a lack of courage to face life.
I apologized to my mother, who was upset.
I forgave myself, and everything made sense.
"Luck is brought about by how we decide to change our lives, how we live, and how we conquer ourselves into the life that awaits."
A ten-year-old girl who couldn't understand her world made a difference and changed her luck by forgiving and moving on.
But that wasn't the only thing I had to deal with in this life. My daughter came home from school one day and asked me out of the blue, and I was completely perplexed.
"How do I change my luck, Mom?"
I couldn't understand why my only daughter, who was the same age as me than, was asking me about luck, which she didn't need but still asked for. I was worried; why did she want to change her luck, was she dissatisfied with us?
"Myra, why do you want to change your luck?"
I inquired, stroking her cheeks with concern.
She looked at me and took my hand as I sat on the couch. Then she added:
"I want to change our fortunes, mom, and I can see the sadness in your eyes. I want us to live happily ever after, free of any negative emotions."
I was astounded by my astute daughter, who only wanted to see people happy. She desired to change our fortunes by making us happy.
I found myself thinking about what she said the next day. Life has been difficult, and despite forgiving and moving on, I have been stymied by sadness. I went into my bedroom to look for something in my drawer cabinet. When I got to the picture, all of my emotions took over. It was a photo of me and my mother having ice cream on that particular day. We were the happiest, but darkness soon followed. I wanted to forget the darkness, but I couldn't.
A week had passed, and I was still reflecting on what Myra had said. And it all began to make sense.
"Life has been difficult, but I've made it through. Life has been challenging, and I have challenged myself."
Myra was correct; I needed to be happy, and I was one day when Dave, Myra, and I went to a picnic near a lake. Just sitting with them made my heart melt, and I was content.
"Life can be dark, but light can bring us out."
And it did for me; I finally understood my good fortune, which was to be happy.
The life I once knew, the darkness that once surrounded me, slowly but steadily faded away. I was finally going to be happy in my life, which had changed my fortune.
I've been a housewife for as long as I can remember, but I wanted to do something different. I wanted to change my fortune by discovering my true talent, which I discovered a few days later.
I aspired to be a writer. Having had similar experiences, I wanted to compile all of the dark moments in my life into a book and distribute it to the world. "I found myself in the same situation," I want them to say. I intended to end the book with the phrase,
"People's fortunes change, and people's fortunes do not change. Don't try to change it; instead, allow it to change you."