A view for recollection

James gazed upon the miles long stream below him. It flowed down the cliffs, through the woods, past the pines and out into Lake Jochet. The pines blew in the soft breeze as the grayish clouds came in. The clouds began covering the vibrant orange of the fading evening sun. James was atop the stream on an oak bridge that created a path between two cliffs. The water that lay 100 yards below him was crystal clear, the air was pure, and it was here he began to think.

He first began to think of his time wasted. The high school years spent pursuing the wrong girls. The college years spent working junk jobs instead of investing in the future. The times he ignored his family for carnal pursuits. There were many such occasions that came to mind. Memories of a troubled youth.

His thoughts then turned to his job, an underpaid manager at an Italian diner. “ 14 years and what do I have?” he wondered, “An apartment where the shower and bed are 6 feet apart and a 20 year old truck.” His eyes began to water a little, then his lip began to quiver. Staring at the nature all around him and having a head clear of distraction, the stress came on strong. The stress that had been held back with the diversions of television and junk food was knocking on the front door of James' mind.

The dream of his youthful days of film making are gone. The young boy that first saw caped heroes throwing cars and seemingly leaping off the screen is grown. The days of begging his parents to see whatever movie had been released that weekend no longer existed. Having past like the wind through the pines below him. Now he could see those films whenever he wanted, yet he never did.

The skinny teenager was also gone. The teenager that would rent any and every popular film, hoping the magicians behind the camera could teach him their tricks if he'd just pay enough attention. The skinny teenager that drove to LA just to catch a glimpse of a Scorsese or a Kubrik walking down the street. The skinny teenager that drooled over his neighbors Porsche 911 and begged for a ride. The skinny teenager that flirted with any girl in a 100 mile radius and rode bikes over rocky jumps is gone.

These former versions of himself were no longer. In their place was the present self. The present self is a lonely, overworked, overweight, single, nobody. Never having directed a film. Never having driven any of the cars he drooled over, let alone having owned one.

Worst of all the young man was also gone. The passing of his young adult self was the one that hurt the most, for it took his only love with it, Amanda. The young woman he should've married.

Amanda was five foot eight inches tall. Her eyes were a dark shade of brown that matched her hair perfectly. Her skin was a light tan and slightly freckled under her eyes and over the bridge of her nose. She was beautiful. To James there was no one he longed for more.

It was at a town carnival right before graduation that got them together. The red, blue, green, and yellow lights cascaded down from the rides and shined on Amanda's face. She wore a light blue summer dress with a faux gold necklace. She was sketching caricatures of impatient children that kept shifting in their seats. Her hand moved quickly and with total control. She would smile and ask the children to sit still, which led to the parents scolding them. Amanda would ensure them that they were fine and continue on with her task.

James watched her with wide eyes from his popcorn stand. The customers noted his thousand yard stare and many had to shake the money or shout the order to get his attention. His apologies didn't stop his continual checking on her. He had never seen a girl so radiant.

He was waiting for an opportunity, an opening. He got one as the one of the fathers picked up his son and took the sketch half done. Unwilling to deal with the fussing child any longer. Amanda looked disappointed but James couldn't have been happier.

He vaulted himself over the front of his popcorn stand nearly knocking down the old lady in line. Disbelief could be heard among the customers as he abandoned his post and grumbling began. Quickly it died down when those in line realized they had just gotten their popcorn for free.

He approached Amanda with his chest proud and a sly smirk. He wore an apron stained with butter and a paper sailors hat. A goofy uniform for an awkward lad. His long hair was a mess and blowing from the exhaust of the rides and his feet carried him at a brisk pace. She made eye contact and smirked back, charmed by his attempt at a confident walk.

“Hi, you're super cute!” That was his intro. He was kicking himself and his face turned away in a self-disapproving cringe. It just gushed out of his mouth. Like a toddler with a crush.

Amanda smiled a big toothy smile. Her white teeth shining with the lights.”You're not too bad yourself!” Maybe it was the forwardness, maybe it was his stupid, awkward, “Why did that just come out of my mouth?” grin, maybe it was the fact that she hadn't been hit on in a while, but it worked. He got her phone number.

Riding high off the fumes of his successful interaction the young James jogged away before he could blow it. Then he did something he never meant to do. His foot turned on it's heal causing a scraping noise in the gravel and nearly causing him to fall on his back. Amanda turned and began to chuckle as James flailed his arms to balance himself.

“Hey Amanda!” it came out much louder than he wanted, causing many to turn and stare.

“Yes?” she hollered back at equal volume to ease his embarrassment.

He ran back to her full speed. “Sorry that was..uh..that was louder, um anyway do you maybe want to just hang out tonight? My stand closes in an hour.”

Amanda rolled her eyes in an amused manner. “What if your stand closed now?”

“Ok!” and as quickly as he ran to her he ran back to the stand. It was easy to shut down, everything was gone. Took him a week of yard work to pay the owner back.

For him it was worth it. He returned to his new companion and they walked along the gravel of the carnival, smelling the fried food and listening to the thump and hiss of the rides. He carried around her sketch pad and easel as they walked, occasionally tripping on easels legs. She bought a corn on the cob and a lemonade, sipping and crunching as she learned about James and told him about herself.

They left the carnival when everything was shut down. He carried her supplies to her 1970 VW Beetle and they talked some more. Then they talked some more. Then they watched the sun come up on the roof of that 1970 VW Beetle. Then they kissed. It was a light tap, a gentle caress, but nonetheless it was a kiss.

The light clap of thunder miles away brought James back to reality. He could still feel the kiss on his lips. He put his fingers to them hoping to savor the memory a little longer. Hoping to hold onto her a little longer. Those 2 years weren't enough. Those nights with her made him crave more. Her voice to him was the very essence of tranquility, she was never unable to bring him to peace. She loved him as much as he loved her.

She loved the artist, the wannabe Hollywoodite, the dreamer. She however left the pizza boy, the line cook, the store clerk. He had settled into nothing he dreamed of. Instead resorting to the mediocrity of everyday life.

She left for LA. Later he heard she moved to England. They lost touch.

The dark clouds moved entirely over the evening sun blocking it out. It started to drizzle lightly. He couldn't help but smirk, it felt like something out of a movie. It felt like something he would call cliche. Yet here he was, atop a cliff, crying in the rain.

James got up and brushed himself off. Wiping the tears from his eyes he pulled his hood over his head. He decided to give the stream and the pines one last look before heading back to his 20 year old rust bucket Ford F-150. The trees were really moving now as the wind and rain picked up, causing branches to fall. The tranquility he had seen when he arrived was now leaving. His phone chimed.

“We need you at the diner ASAP!!! Emergency with the oven!!!” it read.

James turned to his left and started back toward the truck. After a few steps he stopped. He realized that he'd never walked further than this oak bridge. Perhaps something better lied ahead on the other side. He turned to look.

He stared up at that 2^nd cliff for what felt like years but was in reality moments. The wind blew back his hood exposing his balding scalp to the rain. He picked up his left foot and began to walk forward. He threw the buzzing phone over the bridge and walked forward, taking a chance at a better way ahead.

The end.