What I Deserve

I woke up around 8 am that morning. The first thing I did was make myself a cup of coffee. I would need the caffeine to face my plans for the day. After finishing my cup I jumped in the shower to rinse off. When I got out I put on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. I grabbed my phone, keys, and wallet and headed to the nearest bus stop. As soon as I got near Agnes’ apartment I got off the bus and started walking to her place. This was it. I knocked on her door, fidgeting with my hands while I waited for her to answer. “I am sorry, Agnes.” I blurted out when she opened the door.

“So you just expect me to forgive you?” Agnes scoffed, as if the whole idea of forgiveness was unbelievable. “Now, why would I ever do that?”

Perhaps it had not been long enough. Really, it had only been a couple months. She was right to be angry. Angry and hurt.

“I did not mean to hurt you, Agnes.” I pleaded.

“Whether you meant it or not I still ended up hurt, Daniel. That does not just go away because you said sorry.”

“I know it does not. I have no right to ask you to forgive me.”

“Then why are you? I do not want to hear it anymore. I am done with you. You broke my heart, Daniel.” She moved to close the door in my face but I pressed my hand against it, stopping her.

“Please, just hear me out.”

“Why, so you can feel better about yourself? I am not interested.”

It is not exactly surprising. I cheated on her. But it only ever happened once and I felt incredibly guilty afterwards.

“It was just a mistake. I swear to you, Agnes, it will never happen again.”

“Oh and I am just supposed to trust your word on that?”

“Agnes, it is not like-”

“Who was this girl, huh?”

“Why does that matter?” The girl was a coworker. Knowing that I was still in close contact with her probably would not make this any easier. It already was not going well, I did not need to make things harder.

“Do you work with her? Do you see her every day?”

“Yes, but I ended things with her. I only want you, Agnes.” Things were different with Agnes. She understood me in ways that Vanessa just did not. I broke it off with her and yet still I was being punished for it. Not that I did not deserve it, of course.

“Well too bad, you can not have me. While you are here you may as well grab your things and go.” I had left some clothes in her apartment.

“Really? One mistake is all it takes for you to throw our relationship away?”

She backs up, granting me entrance to her apartment. Her arms are still defiantly crossed over her chest. “Well come on, I do not have all day.”

“So that is it, huh? 4 years means nothing to you?” I was planning to propose to this girl.

“It did not seem to mean much to you, Daniel. I am not the one who gave up on us. What kind of woman would I be if I just welcomed you back with open arms after what you did?”

“The kind of woman who understands that mistakes happen.” Vanessa was just that. A mistake. I did not mean for it to happen, it just did.

“And who is to say it will not happen again? Give me one good reason to trust you.”

“Agnes, please. I will never forgive myself if I have ruined our relationship.” I would never find someone like Agnes again. What we had was special.

“I will never forgive myself if I let you back in. I will not be walked all over, Daniel.” She walked me over to her dresser. There was a drawer of my stuff that needed to be emptied out before she could end the relationship with no loose ends. “There it is. I am sure I have a box around here somewhere.” She disappeared off to the kitchen and came back with a box that had previously held oranges.

I took the box from her and started filling it with the clothes I had previously left at her apartment. “Can I get my sweater back at least?”

“Take it, I have no use for it anymore. It no longer brings me any comfort.” She walks to the closet and pulls down my worn, gray sweater. She tosses it towards me.

I grab it out of the air, but not before I remark “Well, that was not very nice.”

“I think we are long past being nice, Daniel,” she said with a venomous tinge to her voice. I had never known Agnes to be venomous. Brash and bold, maybe, but never venomous.

After I have finished packing all of my clothes, she unceremoniously grabbed the box from my hands and threw it on the ground. “I want you gone, Daniel. I do not want to see you here again.”

“Come on, Agnes. We live in the same town. You are going to see me again.”

“That is not my issue. I just do not want you in my apartment from here on out.”

“Well I guess that is fair. I did try to apologize, though.” At least she could not say I did not try.

“Too bad, I do not care about your apology.”

I grabbed the box and made my way outside, probably for the last time. “I am sorry, Agnes. I never meant to hurt you.” At least I had held off on buying a ring.

“I wish you well, Daniel. Just not with me.” With that she closed the door on me.

I started walking down the street, bringing my clothes with me. I guess sometimes you end up getting what you deserve.