In the shadows

Trigger warning: suicide

Miranda turned the key,her brain still in shock of how close she had come to being killed by the mob at the front of her house. It had been a long day and she was just glad to have made it home safe and sound. She screamed when her phone rang. Everything that was happening had made her very jumpy. She knew it was just one of those reporters who wanted to ask her about the death of her husband and so she switched it off . There had been many of those lately after her husband was found hanging from the ceiling of their living room. All she had done this past few months was survive. She had forgotten the real meaning of the words living , peace and silence because there was always some reporters or a small crowd gathering at her window, carrying out posters of hate and throwing stones at her apartment.

She had relieved the events of that day and the day before and the day before that but the answer was still the same,she had no idea why her husband had committed suicide. For someone who was living his dream and had married the love of his life, it was hard to grasp what drove him to the edge. They were happy. She knew it. Tom loved her. And she loved him. They had been together since college and he had promised to be there for her when they decided to get married at such a young age. Most teenagers made their decisions based on their teen hormones but Tom was different. He knew exactly what he wanted and when he wanted it. And it was without any doubt that he wanted her and music, wrapped up like a sandwich,at least that's what he used to say.

She wished she had not gone to work that day and maybe she would have stopped him. She could easily go back to that time as it was all still fresh as the air she breathed. Two months ago,five minutes to eight was when she came back home from work to find her husband dangling from the ceiling fan. She reached out to his lifeless body and he was so cold and pale. His eyes were wide open ,staring right ahead. Everything stopped for a while. She couldn't breath. She had never felt more helpless in her life. She felt a dull ache at the pit of her stomach. She knew her life was over. This was the man she had spent the last three years of her life with and now he was just hanging there, lifeless ! GONE!. She shut her eyes and screamed so loud until she had nothing left in her. The police and an ambulance arrived a few minutes later and took her husband's body away.

THE FAMOUS SINGER AND MODEL ,MR TOM BARLEY WAS FOUND DEAD AT HIS APARTMENT EARLY TODAY. IT HAS BEEN RULED AS A SUICIDE. Within ten minutes,this was the headline in all media outlets. Then within ten minutes, stories were being formulated on how she was responsible for his death. Everything was moving so fast she had no time to grasp what was happening. They all came at her with accusations that she controlled her husband and she was after his wealth. They talked and discussed about how she was never there for him and that's why he had committed suicide. Alongside these news, were pictures of her dead husband's lifeless body which were leaked to the media.

This has been her life for the last two months now. Having to live with unanswered questions and the accusations from the whole world.

And as the whole world grieved the loss of their source of entertainment, she grieved the loss of her best friend.

She couldn't even go out of her house . She loved her house,this was the home that she and Tom had built together and all she wanted was to be here so that she could feel close to him , but this was still the same house that brought her so much pain . Sitting in all day in a house where she had found her husband's dead body was messing with her head. She needed to get out of the house but she couldn't. She could only sit by her window and watch spring come to life. The only time she was able to go out was to attend her husband's funeral, which lasted ten minutes as the mob came in and demanded she leave.

She was young and beautiful and courageous but even the most courageous of men still fall. There was a dull stare in her eyes that day and she was tired. She was so tired. She reached out for her packet of cigarettes in her bag but she was only left with none. And her bottle of wine was also empty and it killed her to know that she could not drown her sorrow so easily this time. She could not drink herself to death nor go out for some fresh air. It killed her that this was her life now. The society which she had given her whole life to serving as a lieutenant was now the same society that shun her and regarded her as a terrorist . As soon as the news was out , the bureau had called her in and asked her to submit her resignation .

" Out of courtesy, " they said. Even her family's name had been dragged through the mad . For what reason? she could not understand .Her only mistake....no, no, no, their only mistake was to have loved a boy. It killed her that even she ,like the rest did not know the reason why Tom took such a drastic step. It killed her. And now she was out of alcohol and cigarettes and it killed her.

She walked to her parents room and they had already retired a little early. She was glad because they needed that. They all needed that. And they will need that........She turned and headed back to her room and went straight to the cupboard where she took out some pills and sat on her bed. Parfait!. She took three,four,six tablets and with a smile on her face , she laid down on her bed to collect her thoughts. The only thing that came to her mind was that it was all going to be over now. Images came flashing in. She remembered how handsome Tom was when they first met with his stupid marriage proposal. I mean who even proposes to a stranger? He was like " Would you do me the honours of being my muse because I will follow you to the end of the world." He was only in his twenties but he was so much mature and ambitious and she remembered how throughout their first date, he had talked about nothing but how much he wanted to make it in music and ..........Soon the pills made its effect and she closed her eyes and for a moment, there was darkness and in the darkness, there was silence, and in the silence, there was peace. She found peace and finally she was going where all the others before her had gone and where Tom had gone. Finally she was going to be with her muse.