8 comments

Friendship Happy Teens & Young Adult

Happy tears burned down her cheeks as she put away a little note that was directly written for her. The words were like butter: smooth to read and caring like a healing balm to touch. When she looked inside, it was empty. “Just like she said,” she whispered to herself. 

1 Month Prior


Rosie just met her college friend, Lena, at the Maple Corner for a cup of coffee. It had been a while since the two friends had finally set aside a time and brushed midterm finals away to meet one another. Rosie smiled to herself as she picked a table to sit at. All this time, Maple Corner, the most famous coffee and tea shop (let’s not forget the bagels either) was the highlight of the campus. Every college freshman up to the graduating class wanted to be there. Every party, every celebration, every meeting was set at Maple Corner. The owner, Maple, loved gatherings and had enough money to build the luxury coffee shop she thought everyone deserved. This shop was built in the center of the campus for easy accessibility and greater area to have venues with the outdoor patio, surrounded by red oaks, franklin trees, and her personal favorite: vine maple trees. 


Taking a seat, Rosie gathered her thoughts. She never met Lena before, they only spoke online through a college forum. They found they had so many similar interests such as tennis, favorite classical jazz artists, and simply just loving life. They settled a day to meet just 6 months later. Surprisingly, they never met even though they were on campus around the same time taking classes. Sometimes Rosie would try avoiding the classroom Lena was supposedly learning in just so she could keep her imagination of what Lena looked like real. There was no going back once meeting -- and they were about to meet for real. No false pretenses, it would be all true. Rosie sighed looking around the room, ‘Where is Lena?’ she wondered. Then, a flushed girl, probably around 19, (similar to Rosie) walked in wearing a pink headscarf, black jeans with small embroidered flowers, tucked in with a vest under a long sleeve. ‘Wow, so put together.’ Rosie thought, ‘why can’t I look like that?’ she looked down at her own mismatched clothes from green military patterned pants to a dark brown top with her greenish red sneakers. Lena’s black short hair bounced when she rushed over in excitement. “ROSIE!” She ran full blown just enough to knock her over but thankfully recoiled herself in time. “Oh.my.gosh. Rosie, you are so put together! I love your outfit and girl, your curls are fabulous. Are those real?” Rosie nervously laughed, “Yes, my curls are indefinitely real. And wow, it’s so nice to meet you for the first time. I was trying not to ‘make up’ what you looked like, but I couldn’t help it!” Lena raised her eyebrow, “And what did you envision me as?” Rosie paused, “Well, actually, black hair. But I didn’t envision you as a fashionista and you are really put together. Your personality is way more extraverted than I imagined -but I love it!” Lena smiled, “I imagined you with red fiery hair, I have no idea why,” she giggled, “and everything else falls into play. You're pretty similar to what I imagined except the hair.” Both of them then decided to buy coffee. “Oooh, I love the coffee choices Maple decides on. Fall has always been my favorite time of year. The bright colors, the smells, long sleeves and jeans.” Lena looked down at the listings, “Oh! Look at that one.” She pointed to the Eggnog Fall Coffee Special with an excited look in her eye. “Ma’am, I would like to order that one please.” Rosie looked at the list, “I can’t make up my mind...could I have the Pumpkin Spice Latte with chocolate drizzle and whipped topping?” The cashier woman nodded her head, “That will be 13.89 please.” Rosie frowned thinking, ‘When had coffee become so expensive?” Lena sighed, “Wow, when did coffee become so expensive?” she shook her head pulling out her wallet. “No, no, stop. I’ll pay for it. There’s really no problem I can handle the money, it's no biggie.” Lena smiled, “Rosie, I would have never come on this hangout time with you if you told me you were going to pay for it. That’s why all the other times hadn’t worked out. You always said you would - and I just can't let that happen.” She smiled, “Let me pay for it, Rosie.” She nodded with a perplexed complexion, “Thank you so much.” She shrugged, “It just means we should come back and you can pay for our drinks. Plus, it gives us an excuse to come back and hangout!” Rosie laughed, “Wow, Lena, wow. You really thought this one through. That sounds great.” 


1 Month After


Opening up her college dorm room, she was confronted with a little mug wrapped in a bow sitting directly on her mini refrigerator. She frowned, ‘I don’t have any friends who give me presents,’ then just as she thought this, a little note was placed inside. “You owe me one. Coffee at 2pm today? I’m so glad we’re friends, Rosie! ~L” Happy tears burned down her cheeks as she put away a little note that was directly written for her. The words were like butter: smooth to read and caring like a healing balm to touch.. “Just like she said,” she whispered to herself. And she nodded, ‘I am so glad to be friends with Lena, too.’



Writers Note: Thank you for making it this far! If you liked this story, Maple Corner, and give it a thumbs up - or if you have any suggestion for my story, I’d appreciate it as well. I love writing because I can express myself in a different way but through a different character each time. And just like Rosie, my favorite time of year is fall too (except I’m an extravert like Lena).




October 09, 2020 18:09

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8 comments

K. Antonio
11:34 Oct 20, 2020

I think the story has a nice foundation. You are definitely creative. I see potential in this tale. What I would say is: 1) Split that large paragraph into smaller ones, especially when there is dialogue. It's difficult to get a full sense of the story when everything is essentially clumped up into one big paragraph. Once you separate that out, it will become a lot easier to read and the overall flow will be better. 2) Watch out for passive voice, I noticed a lot of it in the story, so just be attentive to that. Of course this is...

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Aubrey Maria ✌
14:57 Oct 20, 2020

Thank you, K. Antonio. You're right in that I was tired and I didn't have a lot of time to edit this story. Unfortunately, when I write, I skip words or miss grammatical errors that I could have fixed. Your opinion was helpful but also I don't really know how to break my paragraphs. Other writers have told me -- but I'm still at a loss for actually doing it. Does that mean spacing each dialogue sentence from the other speaker? Like here's an example: "Well, I really just want to get some coffee. Will you come with me Morgon?" "Hmm, I ...

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K. Antonio
15:28 Oct 20, 2020

Yeah, it's exactly this. Dialogues are always new paragraphs in literature. So if the speaker is saying something, you press enter and start a new paragraph. The moment it changes to a new speaker you must break the paragraph again and separate it. Every dialogue needs to be a new paragraph. Take a look at other writers works, you will notice that everytime a character is saying something, it's completely separated into a new paragraph. You example was a simple version of how it should be.

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05:30 Nov 22, 2020

Aubrey! Yes I am reading some of ya stuff! This was an interesting story about friendship! I loved it, it was so nice seeing a easy free friendship! I loved it! BUTTT one thing I noticed is your HUGE paragraphs, hmm I used to do the same but maybe next time shorten them or make a whole nother paragraph.. and you can start separating it by making another line for the dialogue. So whenever a character talks you could start over! I hope that helps! And over here we call them 'extroverts' not 'extraverts' is that how yall spell it? I k...

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Aubrey Maria ✌
18:25 Nov 22, 2020

Thank you so much for your feedback! Actually, I've gotten a lot of people say to me different things about the paragraphs. It's really helpful you put your feedback into it and how to make it better! I really appreciate that. Also, that's was most definitely a typo - so thanks for pointing that out! Next time I upload another story, I'll make the paragraphs shorter and more concise! Danke, AubreyMaria✌

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18:40 Nov 22, 2020

Of coursee! Anytime!! And ohhhhh-😂

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Molly Leasure
19:43 Oct 11, 2020

This is a very fun story! I like the high energy of it and the relationship between the two characters: Lena and Rosie. It's really cute to see them meeting for the first time and finally seeing what the other actually looks like! I have a couple of small suggestions (which you can take or leave as you please ~). 1. Giving each new line of dialogue its own paragraph would help us follow along with who's talking. When they're all muddled together in one paragraph, we get a little bit lost! 2. At the beginning you say 1 month prior, but ...

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Aubrey Maria ✌
20:20 Oct 11, 2020

Thank you Molly for your helpful advice! You're right about the things you mentioned. I wrote the story later in the day so I definitely missed a few details. Thank you for pointing them out! I just edited the initial things you mentioned. I appreciate you looked at my story and provided critiques (we all need those!) ~Aubrey Maria✌

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