Life is Unfair

          Life is Unfair

Suzanne Marsh

1. I sat here wondering if life really is unfair. I made a list of what I perceive as being unfair. The first item that entered my mind is that life can be very unfair and that I can either change a circumstance or change my thinking. The second item on my unfair list was childhood. How many of us over the years have wanted something our parents abhorred? I did; I wanted a horse in the worse possible way. My parents could not afford one especially the one I wanted a horse by the name of Pandora. I thought that was so unfair especially since I was already learning to ride her. My tantrum was met by: “if you want a horse wait until you are older and can earn the money for its upkeep.” That was so unfair but they were correct. I waited until I owned a farm.

Adulthood was truly unfair to me. I became a mother at the age of eighteen and married. To this day, I wonder if it was a simple case of lust not love. Getting back to the horse situation I finally got a horse when I was on the farm. He was a quarter horse gelding; I was glad that I owned a farm. I had hay feed and corn for him. One afternoon I decided to see how much his upkeep would be if I were not on the farm. Hay back then was ten dollars a bale, corn by the bulk was twenty-five cents per pound. I thought that was expensive back in the early 1970’s. How unfair had I been to my parents?

My parents were unfair to me; they had secrets neither would ever divulge until after my mom passed away. She had been unfair to my dad so many times however it was not until after my aunt told me that if my mom had believed in divorce, she would have divorced my dad in a heartbeat. That was unfair to me. For years I carried a guilt, but I never should have had to carry it. I began to understand how unfair life really was.

I was recently watching a special on Sally Hemmings; President Thomas Jefferson had a secret room built for Sally so he could see her whenever he wished. That is totally unfair to her. Yet she dealt with the situation in a very gracious manner.

My Mom passed away when I was twenty-seven years old. She never knew her grandchildren or her great grandchildren. I was very angry for a long time with my mom. She had been unfair to me. I remember thinking at one point that I never even knew her and now I never would. Life was just not fair. Then my husband said something that made me stop and think: “She did not ask to die; how can you expect her to live with Parkinson’s Disease?” I had never thought about her suffering; I had been unfair to her and her memory.

My Dad passed away when I was fifty years old. I miss him even now; I never had a chance to say goodbye. Life, once again, was not being fair. My Dad was my beacon for so many years. He was always there for me; even when I was to stubborn to admit it. He always gave good advice. I, wish he had not been so stubborn, if he had let someone call an ambulance for him he might still be alive. He had a major heart attack. Life is never fair.

My Dad was a very strong figure in my life. He taught me that just because I was a girl did not mean that I could not learn to throw a baseball or spiral a football. I played the bagpipes in high school. Dad, used to take me to Canada because girls were not allowed in pipe bands here in the United States. That was unfair and prejudicial to say the very least. That was also the sixties. Women today do play in pipe bands all across the world. It was not fair that I could not pipe in the United States, but I gained a great deal of faith in myself. I could actually learn to pipe. Then disaster struck. I became pregnant with my first child. That was so not fair. My life was just beginning but it ended my freedom to come and go as I chose. I did pipe for special events. I played for several “Brigadoon’s” one Brigadoon was very unfair to me and the gentleman that was piping in play. I did not wear a kilt so after my youngest talked me into playing I played backstage. The teacher that was in charge, heard me playing “Top Gun” and music from Brigadoon. She wanted me to pipe for the next performance; I did not do it. I could not bring myself to be unfair to the gentleman that had volunteered to play; however Amazing Grace just did not fit as a lament; so once again the teacher asked me to play a lament. I agreed to do that only if the gentleman would wear his kilt, and not play. I still don’t think that was fair but we both survived. Me, playing Lord Lavots Lament while he stood on stage fingering it as close as possible. The things you do for your children!

My last unfair remarks are a bit political, but it is based on circumstances. How can police arrest an innocent man? Has our justice system become so worthless? There is also the unfairness that has accompanied Donald Trump since he was elected to the Presidency of the United States. He has been accused of an assortment of things but yet when he was investigated nothing was found. The raid on his home in Florida was unfair. I can name several other presidents that should have been investigated but were not; so why single out this one man? Perhaps because he loves America and wants to see her become great once again? I fail to see where there is anything fair in what is happening today. Things just are not fair anymore. We are no longer fair to each other. What happened to us that things are so unfair?