A feeling

Central Park has never been more timid, gloomy, sad-- funny how I had elaborate it as if it's a human being who feels emotions

Never once had I walked down the path of this one and only park that I've been in hundreds of times with this kind disoriented energy.

My head turns to all directions slowly without me realizing-- it must be desperation to know where this energy comes from. But when I look around there seems to be nothing wrong, I could still hear the crowd's laughter from the center of the park which I'm getting just close to. I couldn't find anything off with the place, I could even say that it's just like any other day.

I'm happy with that fact though.

I wish it wasn't.

Maybe it's just the weather, the evening wind-- truly fall is coming on the horizon.

Or maybe it's just me who's timid, gloomy and sad.

I don't know.

I don't want to know.

I like to observe. That's pretty much the reason that I care enough to look around, to figure out this energy. Observing is nice, some people might even say it's a great ability to be able to observe well-- well it really is nice, until the day reaches when it finally isn't.

Although, even if I didn't like the action of observing, I would still have to do it.

Because that's just me. A part of my whole existence.

Observant.

I hear voices of a young boy right in front of me, then I quickly turn to him and realize it's me who he has caught attention to, then handing me a flower I'd always known of the second I see it.

A daisy.

My name is Daisy.

There was no choice but to smile widely, show awe, and thank the sweet boy for his gesture and just ignore the fact that the flower is what it is.

Then next I hear a faint laugh of an old man, and it immediately hits me. That voice. One I could never forget, as if it's imprinted all over my body like it's natural. And I couldn't help but remember, where I've heard that voice before.

But nowhere.

Except the fact that the voices seem to be coming closer.

So I snapped back to reality, then hands were placed on the boy's arm, I looked up higher to see who it was coming from, and it didn't take me long to realize it was the old man right as he spoke to me. That voice. Always.

He smiles at me, "Oh, sorry if my grandson scared you, young lady." then another faint laugh. I don't forget to smile back, a little quiet chuckle while I'm on it. "Oh- no, not at all- he gave me this beautiful flower" I hold them out to let the old man touch it.

Why does he need to touch it?

Because..

he must be blind.

But how did I came to that conclusion?

'Maybe it's just my observing reflexes', I thought to myself.

Though I don't tend to believe it.

The old man touches it as I hoped he would, and not for long he figures out it's a daisy. The old man flutters, "Daisies huh. It's always daisy, isn't it?" making out something that sounds like a tone of sarcasm. I hoped.

Maybe there's no reason how I came to some conclusions, I just know.

How? That I don't know.

I don't want to know.

Not hesitating, "Have we met before?" I asked, bluntly.

I must know him from somewhere, seen him somewhere..

..or nowhere.

He seems to be satisfied with my question, like he knew I would ask one of such. I must have kn--

"Oh, I hope so." He replied.

And the feelings rushed through me again.

I've had those reoccurring moments when I realize, I've seen that before-- but never once I had a moment which to I realize, I've felt that before.

And that moment must be right now.

It's almost funny how that works because when I think of those realizations, I notice how I never really actually think about it, I just feel it. I feel the rush of feelings past through me when it the realization hits me that I've seen or felt that something before, but it could only lasts for no more than a moment when the feeling gets blown away off me.

Feels as if it's just shoved in your chest to the point that it feels like absolutely nothing. Everything to nothing in just a second

And right now, that disoriented energy I had felt as I walked around is ten times clearer shoved right on my face like it's the only feeling I could feel as of this moment.

You could never, remember how that feeling felt, ever. Not until one day when the time comes when you see something that makes you feel that way again, then you realize again that you've felt that way before.

I snap back to reality as I take a quick glance from the old man to the boy who seems to be staring at me. I open my mouth to say something, hesitantly "What's special about daisies?".

"Just its timing that comes into our lives, when we're searching for something--", the old man lets go of the flower leaving it to me, "that something must be nearby, young lady." then a wide, comforting smile that sends shiver down my body.

And there seems to be nothing that I could do but stare at the two, with feelings that I sure have felt before, never knew when.

I ever want to know when.

I hated the line "don't think, just feel". I find it foolish, illogical and unrealistic. At some point it's just gonna mess you up and your life if all you trust is how you feel and not how you think, if you rely on your feelings too much.

I still do think that way.

But then, there's these moments in life where there's no logic to be known and no thinking to be done. Just feel. Because that's all there is to do, that's all you can do.

I can try to think, but maybe that's how I lose my mind. So I go with the flow and feel whatever is there for me to feel.

This moment feels like it would never end. I guess that's the thing about unknown feelings-- they tend to last on you, or at least leave an imprint.

Somehow I don't hate it.

I envy it.

I don't blink as I stare at the old man who seems to know just what I'm feeling, now-- what I'm thinking, and he seems to not dare disrupt this moment and let it consume every cell in my body.

Instead, he smiles at me, then walks away with the young boy who still looks at me like he saw something in me.

Daisy.

Like the waves to its wind, passing through the sail, they disappear.

#ReedsyConnection