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Christmas Sad

"Every lie is two lies, the lie we tell others and the lie we tell ourselves to justify it." 

I live in San Diego in a big, white brick, 500 square foot corner house with my mom and dad, and my dog, Bear. I live a pretty good life aside from the fact my parents are always working. I don't go to bed hungry, and I've got a beautiful house. Plus my dad finally managed to buy his own law firm last year, so you can imagine he makes a lot of money. But ever since that happened, most days it's just me and our maid, Frieda from the time i wake up to when my head hits the pillow.

 My  mom has a pretty crazy work schedule, too. She owns her own successful gym on Union st because for some reason, her idea of fun has always been stretching and working out. So If I had to describe my parents with one word, I would choose: Workaholic and Health Freak. Can you guess who’s who?

It's pretty lonely, but my parents are happy, right? That's what it's always been about.

December 1st

I've been waiting a long time for December 1st. Christmas in my house is always so special because it's one of the only times my parents actually take a break from their chaotic lives and sit down to watch a movie with me. They think it's childish but I secretly think they enjoy 

Christmas just as much as me. 

As soon as school is over, I rush out especially fast. I get away from “Mission Valley Academy” and all the spoiled kids in it. I want to get home extra early and prepare for my family's annual December 1st Christmas movie marathon. My parents always take the evening off work so they can spend time with me. This is one of the reasons I enjoy the season so much. 

As I walk to the bus, I picture Frieda serving us her delicious thumb-print cookies as we sit by the tree my parents will surprise me with. We’r watching Elf, or Christmas Vacation, or Home Alone. Doesn't really matter because my parents are actually talking to me other than: “just a sec honey, i gotta take this call”. Maybe they'll have so much fun that they decide to take the day off tomorrow so we can drive up to the mountains and go skiing and skating. 

I'm off in this bubble of excitement until I arrive at the gate of our nice little corner house. My bubble pops. I get to the door to turn the handle but it's locked. I start to get worried that my parents have forgotten. I take the key out of the pocket of my backpack and open the door to see no Christmas tree. I call my parents and get no answer. Now I'm mad.

Bear comes to greet me at the door but I throw off my backpack so aggressively that he steps back with fear. I don't feel bad. By now, tears are pooling in my eyes. I go talk to Frieda and ask her if my parents are home. She shakes her head. She can tell I'm disappointed. I politely tell her that I'll be in my room. As I walk up the stairs to my bedroom, I see my dad's “extremely expensive” work shoes. I can't help myself. I kick one shoe but that's not enough so I throw the other which ends up breaking one of my mom’s favorite vases. I don't even care.  

I'm cursing under my breath, but at the same time I'm crushed, left sobbing on my bed. Thoughts and more thoughts are rushing through my head. The one that catches the most of my attention: “do they even love me”. At this point it's hard to tell. I say to myself, it would be better living on the streets than living with them. I know that's not true but it's taking all my might not to pack a bag and hitchhike across the country in search of a new and better family. 

It's now 7:00. I've been laying in my room for almost 4 hours. My parents should be home soon. I'd give anything to not have to face them after the kind of pain they just caused me. So I think I'll just turn in extra early so I don't have to see them. Before I go to bed, I check the mail. Perhaps the only thing that will cheer me up is getting a Christmas package in the mail. From who? Who cares?

No Christmas packages or even Christmas ads are in the mail. But something I've never heard mentioned before caught my eye. It was a  14 Day Notice for Substantial Breach. Meaning an Eviction notice for my mom's gym. As soon as I read that sentence, something inside me sparked. I didn’t feel a hint of guilt when an idea hatched in my mind. Why should I? After all the things my parents “forgot”. I'm going to keep this paper with me.

 If my parents don't see this paper in 2 weeks then the landlord for my moms gym will evict her. Then maybe she’ll actually take me shopping, or take me with her to get pedicures. Maybe she’ll do things with me that other moms and daughters do. I didn’t think about the selfishness behind all of this or even the pain I might cause my mom.

The next morning i'm surprised to see my mom rushing out to work. “Bye sweetie! I love you.” She calls. I look at her and nod. I can tell that she doesn't even realize I'm upset. Surprise, surprise.I ask myself,  Is it really that wrong of me to want all of this to happen to my mom and her career? 

December 14th

Tomorrow my mom will get evicted. In my mind, I still have no regrets.

20 years later

I'm sitting with my step sister who is 10 years younger than me. We talk about the reason I have a step sister. She has no idea what happened between my parents and me that December when I was 14. I expect that my mother would have told her, but I guess not. Her and my mother were close, so I decided not to tell her. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about it. She asks me if I'm okay judging by my facial expression. I say yes, but deep thoughts fill my head.

I think about my mothers face when she gets evicted. I think about the argument she and the landlord have when she says she didn't get a notice. And I think about the argument her and my dad have, leaving them in divorce. Mom gets remarried and has my step sister. I think about how I did all of that. I used to say that they did that to themselves but now I know that's not true. 

I don't regret what I did. If i hadn’t, i would be in a lonely loup whole forever. I'm sure it wouldn't have gotten better. I just wish the outcome was different. I have thought about what happened a lot since that December but never from this angle. I go to bed content. 

The end.

November 13, 2022 23:50

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1 comment

Octogirl 149
19:05 Nov 24, 2022

This is really good! Please keep writing!

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