Blue

Blue

Contains mention of war and hints of sexual abuse, domestic violence, and death.

Fictional letters being sent between Darfur, Sudan and New York City, US 

2003

March 12

Dear Amir,

You’re so lucky. What’s it like? Do you have new friends? Don’t replace me. Amir, please wear blue. Amir, I like blue. It’s my favorite color. Please wear blue, Amir. Please.

Your friend,

Lual

March 23

Dear Lual,

It’s, like, always bright. And it smells of metal. When are you coming? 

Your friend,

Amir

April 10

Dear Amir,

It’s going to be harder to send letters now. It might be a bit before you get this. Mama is listed because of the baby, but Papa has to fight in the war. I want to come, too, but they said I can’t until I’m ten. I’m turning eight in one week, but I have to pretend I’m six, because I’m small enough, and because if I don’t, I will have to fight, too. Remember to wear blue.

Your friend,

Lual

May 15

Dear Lual,

What baby? And what do you mean, wear blue?

Your friend,

Amir

May 31

Dear Amir,

Mama has a baby in her tummy called Akanni, and if the baby doesn’t die, I can have a baby sister or a baby brother. Will you promise to wear blue? I can’t say anything right now. Mama will be too sad if she hears me. Also, the camp is dry and hot, but someone might come to teach me how to read and do maths and maybe even how to fly a plane to get to America! Don’t forget to wear blue.

Your best friend,

Lual

June 20

Dear Lual,

Maybe when you learn how to fly a plane, we can fly away together, and we can take your Mama, and Papa, and the baby, and we can go somewhere where there’s no war. Lual, why do you want me to wear blue? Please tell me. Why will it make your Mama sad?

Your best friend,

Amir

July 29

Dear Lual,

Will it take a long time for your next letter to come? It feels like a billion million trillion years. Is the baby born yet? When is your Mama coming? Maybe when she comes, can I live with her? I don’t like my new foster family. The Mama is loud, and the Papa is mean, and sometimes he hits me, and I don’t like it. When you come, can I be your brother? I think Mama and Papa will be okay with that since they know your parents. Lual, you still didn’t explain to me why I must wear blue. What’s happening?

Your best friend,

Amir

August 12

Dear Lual,

Where did you go?

Your best friend,

Amir

December 31

Dear Lual,

Happy New Year. Are you dead? When are you coming?

Your best friend,

Amir

2004

May 23

Dear Lual,

I’m wearing blue today. A sweater and jeans. Blue is your favorite color. Happy birthday, friend.

Your friend,

Amir

September 11

Dear Lual,

Something terrible happened three years ago today, right here in New York. We learned it in school. Did something terrible happen to you? I’m waiting for your letter. Please tell me why I should wear blue. I try to wear my sweater every day, but sometimes I have to wear the red one or the purple one because we have to wash the clothes. I have a new foster family. They are nicer. I think that when you come to America, you should come to my house and eat some spaghetti. It’s delicious. 

Your friend,

Amir

December 31

Dear Lual,

Please tell me where you are. Happy New Year.

Your best friend,

Amir

2005

February 18

Dear Amir,

I can’t fight in the war anymore because I don’t have my legs anymore. I’m eight now, but the American man who wants to teach the children at the refugee camp said maybe I can go to America because of my legs. He brought me a rolling chair so I can walk again. But Papa died. Please wear a blue shirt for him. Mama might not be able to come to America because the baby died while it was being born and Mama is sad. She says she needs to die where her true loves died to honor them. 

Your very best friend,

Lual

March 30

Dear Lual,

I am crying.

Your very best friend,

Amir

July 13

Dear Amir,

A man from America brought a book to the refugee camp called The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. He read it to the children and I was listening in my new rolling chair. Yesterday, I went for a trip through some other parts of the camp with my new rolling chair to find my new friend, Fatimah, because she went missing a few weeks ago, and I thought maybe she got lost, but some kids beat me up and took my shirt. Do you still have your blue shirt?

Your very best friend,

Lual

August 31

Dear Lual,

Please tell me why I need to wear blue.

Your very best friend,

Amir

October 12

Dear Amir,

We found Fatimah. Nobody believes her, but I believe her. Someone hurt from the war like me took her and didn’t let her go home. He has his legs, but his brain is messed up so they won’t let him fight because he might start shooting up the people on his own side. She won’t walk or eat or drink or talk to anyone but me. She said the man with the messed up brain did terrible things to her and she wants to go to America so the protection people who helped you can protect her from the man who touched her and hurt her in terrible ways. Please wear blue for her.

Your very bestest friend,

Lual

December 1

Dear Lual,

When will you and Fatimah come to America? I have a lovely new family. I want to stay here forever. You can be my brother and Fatimah can be my sister and we can be happy. I am wearing my blue shirt. Please tell me why I should wear blue.

Your bestest friend,

Amir

December 31

Dear Lual,

Happy New Year. I love you.

Your best friend,

Amir

2006

January 14

Dear Amir,

Fatimah got listed! She’s coming to the place called New York City! Wear blue for Mama.

Your very bestest friend,

Lual

September 17

Dear Lual,

Today I went to the airport with my favorite family to pick up Fatimah. I am no longer a foster child. I have found my family and now I have a sister and I might get a baby. What does the color blue mean to you? It seems to be more than just a favorite color.

Your friend,

Amir

December 31

Dear Lual,

Please answer my blue question. Happy New Year.

From,

Amir

2007

May 23

Dear Lual,

The baby was born today. She is a girl and her name is Akanni Lual Cooper. Happy birthday my dear, dear friend. Where are you? We are wearing blue.

Your best friends,

Amir and Fatimah

June 15

Dear Lual,

Where are you?

From,

Amir and Fatimah

July 24

Dear Lual,

Where are you?

From,

Amir and Fatimah

August 31

Dear Lual,

Where are you?

From,

Amir and Fatimah

September 18

Dear Lual,

Where are you?

From,

Amir and Fatimah

November 14

Dear Lual,

Where are you?

From,

Amir and Fatimah

December 31

Dear Lual,

I miss you. Please come to America. Please be my brother. Please be alive, please, please. Please be alive, Lual. Please be alive. Please write back.

From,

Amir

2008

Amir put his pen down as the clock struck 12:00. Another year, gone. Another year without Lual. The door to his shared room with Fatimah creaked open. His adoptive mother poked her head inside. When his eyes met her, he saw her tear streaked face and stood up. 

“What’s wrong?”

“We got some news. From Lual.”

“Lual! Is he coming here! Is he coming to be my brother?”

“He got listed to come here.”

“My brother, my brother…” Amir sniffled as tears squeezed out of his closed eyes. “My brother.”

“Amir.” His mother sat down on the bottom bunk bed and motioned for him to come over. He sat down beside her. 

“When is he coming?”

His mother wiped her eyes. “He’s not.”

“Why? You said he got listed. Is it because of his legs? Does the plane have a special rolling chair for him? Is he—”

“He passed away, Amir. A fight broke out in the refugee camp and someone had a gun and—”

Amir stopped breathing. No.

“What about his Mama?”

“She’s dead, honey.”

“But, what about Lual? Will I get to say goodbye?”

“In a letter he never sent to you, he said he wanted you to wear blue instead of black to his funeral.”

“But where will we bury him?”

“We can’t. But we will honor his life as a family. And we’ll all wear blue.”

Blue for Lual.

January 1

Dear Lual,

Does dying hurt? I wanted to know what the blue meant. But not like this. I love you, my friend. Forever. 

Your very bestest friend,

Amir

Today he would wear blue. Blue for his Mama, and Papa, and Akanni, and Lual’s Mama, and his Papa, too, and Fatimah and Lual. Today he would wear blue for Lual.