Shut Up Buddy

           “You can’t always have it your way.”

           “I am aware of this Buddy, but you know that I am always right.”

           “And stop calling me Buddy, dammit! You know my name is Walter. Call me Walter. I’ve asked you a thousand times.”

           “But they used to call you Buddy. Do people not give nicknames to others that they enjoy?”

           “It’s not my fault they called me that. I never asked for them to call me Buddy. I thought it was ‘cause they liked me.”

           “They did not.”

           “Well I know that now don’t I?”

           “You do. Just like you know that the man up the street looks quite a bit like one of them, does he not?”

           “What? Why would you say that? It’s too far away to tell. Besides, he’s not someone we’d see around. I know that. I remember.”

           “Ahhhh but you forget so many things, do you not, Buddy?”

           “Stop calling me Buddy!”

           “If you insist. Although I am painfully aware of how those boys calling you … that name has made you feel. It makes it hard for you to concentrate, does it not? I am sure that it does not feel pleasurable to be treated in such a way.”

           “You make it hard to concentrate. You’re the one that should be called Buddy. You fucking act like they do.”

           “They did. I believe that is what you mean. The past tense.”

           “I … I don’t know.”

           “It is of no real consequence. I am sorry if I have offended you.”

           “No you aren’t, you sonofabitch. You never care. Every time you say you care but you don’t.”

           “But I do care Walter. For example, stop shuffling your feet like that. In this late evening darkness, you might just trip over the cracks in this poorly maintained sidewalk. There. Do you now see that I care for your wellbeing?”

           “You just don’t wanna have to pick me up if I trip.”

           “Now that is completely unfair. I want you to be as fit as a fiddle, as the saying goes. Hmmm. You used to play the violin, did you not?

           “I did until they broke it. Wait. You know that. Why do you keep bringing up things that you know?”

           “But you seem to forget things quite often, do you not, Buddy?”

           “Stop calling me Buddy! I told you! I told you a million goddamn times! I haven’t forgotten that.”

           “Yes, of course. Please do not be angry. You spit when you are angry. It is unbecoming and you might scare that poor gentleman up the street that looks just like one of the boys you once knew.”

           “You don’t know that he looks like any of them. He’s almost two blocks away. And it’s dark.”

           “But he does. You know he does. He looks like that one boy; Thomas I believe his name was. Do you remember him? Tall, with chestnut hair and a smirk that drove all the girls wild. Do you remember him?”

           “Of course I do! I remember all of them. Why do you keep bringing these things up? Can’t we just talk about something pleasant?”

           “Do I keep bringing up memories that make you uncomfortable? What else should we talk about instead? Should we talk about the latest sports game? You were never very good at those were you?”

           “You know I wasn’t. You were there throughout school. You should know these things. You were there but you never did anything. I had to suffer with being the tall, lanky, awkward kid no thanks to you. You never did anything to help me.”

           “Oh yes, I did. You were not happy with what I did, but I did something. Do you remember the time he pushed you into the lockers for greeting him before class?”

           “You know I do. Stop with all the damn questions. Can we just walk in peace?”

           “You lied to the teacher that day, did you not? You told her that you had fallen. Thomas smirked at you from the back of the class the entire time. You had to get six stiches above your eye. Is the scar still there? Or has time finally erased that wound?”

           “Oh yeah, and where were you when that happened, huh? Where the fuck were you to be found?”

           “I was out protecting your interests. Besides, you and I did not really know each other well at that juncture. We had not yet developed our rapport.”

           “Yeah well, at least you finally did something when him and Christian and Henry broke my violin.”

           “It angered you, did it not?”

           “Of course it did! What are you, one of those school therapists?”

           “No Walter, I actually did something for you where they were derelict in their duties. Now stop fidgeting. Wringing your hands is unbecoming.”

           “I’m not fidgeting. I’m just getting a little worked up. Why do you always do this when we’re just out having a nice time?”

           “You seem to be walking faster. Do you feel an increased sense of purpose?”

           “What?”

           “You seem to be taking in what I am saying. Is it troubling you?”

           “I … I just don’t wanna to talk about it anymore.”

           “Then why did you not say something to me?”

           “Because you always argue back. You’re smarter than me.”

           “That could not be farther from the truth Walter. You are quite smart and talented. But the scars that they left inside you never fully healed. They have kept you from realizing your full potential.”

           “Thank you. I know you’re just trying to help. It’s just hard to focus sometimes. It makes everything so hard.”

           “I know. As long as you know that none of this is your fault. The things they put you through are the reason that you cannot maintain employment or keep a steady girlfriend. And when was the last time you practiced your violin? I do miss hearing you play.”

           “I … I just can’t anymore. The music won’t come to me. It only comes after I lose my memory, and I don’t’ like that.”

           “Now that is just a shame. Perhaps you are just frustrated and need a release. Maybe some form of exercise would help.”

           “Like what? I don’t like the tone of your voice.”

           “But it is the same tone of voice that I have always used Walter. Fancy this, we will be stopping at the same stop light that the Thomas doppelganger will be stopping at.”

           “So what?”

           “Like I said Walter, you need a release. You have been thinking about your past too much tonight.”

           “Only because you keep bringing it up.”

           “Maybe we should ask this man if he knows Thomas. Maybe they could be related.”

           “I don’t care. I just want to go to the movies. You said that’s where we were going.”

           “And we will be there shortly Walter. Please, just indulge my curiosity.”

           “Okay. I guess it couldn’t hurt. But just don’t embarrass me.”

           “Either way, we are about to be trapped at the same light waiting for our turn to cross. It cannot hurt to make friendly conversation on a dark and lonely street.”

           “Okay, but you do the talking. I’ve never been good with that sort of thing.”

           “Oh I know, Walter. I know. Excuse me sir?”

           “I don’t have any change, Buddy. Ask someone else.”

           “How funny you should mention my name. How ever did you know? My friend and I were wondering if you might be related to Thomas. You look so much like him after all, and with a demeanor to match.”

           “Your friend? What the fuck are you talking about. It’s just you. Are you nuts or some… agkk…ackk.”

           “You choke like him too. Maybe you are related. Are these still girly violin hands around your neck? Are my arms still too long and skinny? Maybe too long to slap me away? Oh. Yes. You seem to be unable to respond. No need. I can always find another Thomas to ask after you expire. Just like he did. Just like they all did. Just like they all will continue to do.”