Midnight X-ray

“Are you there, God? It’s me again.” He said it quietly in his head.

“Today will be ninety two days since we started this journey. I have been patient and I continue to hope for the best but lately, it’s getting harder to see the light. I have asked and asked everyday yet you remain quiet.” He uttered. 

“I used to come to church as a little boy knowing you will answer but as a man I doubt a lot. I, myself have not been of good standing, a liar, a cheat and prideful one, nothing to be desired but here I am like a baby. Afraid and confused. Oh! how wicked I have become, very wicked!’’ he continued.

“O God if you will hear my prayer, help her, help our daughter be whole again.” He concluded.

And with the sign of the cross from his forehead to his shoulders and raised his head.

William sat on the red chair right by the bedside, as he did it everyday in the past weeks. On his hands was a little prayer card that the hospital faith service lady had gave him. She came to see them back when they had just gotten admitted. He had a looked of paleness and dropping eyes. 

He was not always like this but he believed more white hair had grown on his head in two months than it ever will. He maintained a gaze of stern man, and in some days the sharpness in his eyes was strong. However today was not one of those days. He had a look he had noticed from the other parents when he was new here.

He clamped his hands together and stretched them back and forth. He was waiting for the lab results to come back and the clock hand had just struck four in the morning. 

Earlier in the night, a nurse had noticed something not sure what but a spot of blood. She had to use a flashlight to check the dirty diaper to notice such a spot. She flagged it as "borderline bleeding". 

The bleeding protocols, now initiated involved multiple blood draws and examinations. It was always hard to watch the test tubes full of blood being taken from her little girl. He had met her six months ago but everyday he loved her even more, and the thought of her in pain was something he could not bare to see.

The news incited an indifference within William. He had believed they were on a positive track towards recovery. But what he was learning was the hospital was like a sea of emotions. He felt hope and despair, and then hope again only to feel despair again and then stop hoping and just to end up broken up and afraid.

“We are all done, you did great” the nurse had said. 

She pulled the tubes one after another. The process continued and seemed to never end. He counted six tubes with blue caps and two smaller ones with red caps.

William felt a tightening in his throat when it was over. He bit his lower lip to calm his dry mouth but the feeling persisted. A rush of anger he knew all too well had overwhelmed him. He remembered breathing helped and he excused himself to the door on the other side of the room which led to the bathroom.

He stared at his unshaved chin while holding down the sink. After washing his face several times, the redness on his face started to disappear. In his mind he could not stop thinking of why the nurse was smiling when she said that. He knew she did not mean anything bad but this was not something he thought you should smile about. 

When he finally returned to the room, his wife was standing right by the bed on the opposite side of the red chair. It was like they each had their own place to stand. An image of her he had grown sadly familiar with.

“Did it get to you?” She asked.

“What?” he replied.

“The blood” she answered.

“A little bit.” he replied. “I’m getting better at handling it.” he added. 

They both turned their eyes towards the blanketed little one. She gurgled and cooed and raised her hands and feet. She was smiling and that’s all that mattered the moment.

In college, William discovered he was not built to handle blood. He became light headed, sometimes the smell of it would make him nauseated and his knees would give at times. He wanted to be a doctor when he started but graduated an engineer. He did not regret his choice, in fact he was quite pleased with himself. He bragged as the only best decision in his life until he met Alex his wife.

William was not very bothered by the blood itself but from whom it was being taken. He did not want to correct his wife nor explain his thought. He felt it was unnecessary to talk about it because he was still feeling very anno

“Are you worried about the x-ray?” he asked.

“I’m always worried, I wonder how this will affect the transplant.” she said.

A brief silence passed but his attempt to redirect the conversation had succeeded.

“I think we should wait and see what the results say but she seems to be fine. Hopefully whatever it is clears before we have to worry about the transplant. There’s no reason why they shouldn’t continue. ” he replied.

“I hope so too.” she said.

Her sentence was cut short by a yawn. He could see the creases on her face and the heaviness on her eyes. He knew she was tired and anxious but she was trying to hide it.  

 “This damn hospital is killing all of us right now” he thought.

He leaned his head back trying to catch some sleep before the dawn.

It was nine in the morning when they team returned with the X-ray results. The wait was always excruciating. Time in the hospital went by in two ways. Either too fast or two slow nothing in between. 

William knew this all too well and he had actually come to this conclusion in the past weeks. He also dreaded the wait times, the pockets in between procedures or test results, they were never good.

“Has anyone come to talk to y’all about the KUB?” a tall blond lady said. 

She wore blue scrubs and trainers that seemed to be stained by something. On her collar she had a small name tag with name Wells, Barb MD MPH printed. William had not seen her before, it was a face that seemed familiar enough but still new.

“No, not yet.” Alex replied. “Is everything alright?”

She looked down for a brief second and turned to face William at the bedside. He was standing with both his hand on the crib rail.

Act 3: Contradictions

Hematosis….Nematosis. The words floated in the air for a while before William could grasp the sound. She kept talking about something with her belly and he found it very difficult to follow.

“Excuse me, hold on for a second?” William interrupted. 

“What is it? I couldn’t quite get what you are saying” he continued as he moved towards the center of the room where the doctor was standing.

“Sir,” she started.

“What the images are showing is an inflamed intestinal wall created by gas when bacteria are present. It is called a Pneumatosis. It’s a very painful condition that affects some newborns but can occur in slightly older babies too.”

She continued to explain how its a very treatable illness. Sometimes, it may require surgery and others only antibiotics depending on the level and size of the inflammation. 

William was dumb struck at the explanation. The voice of the doctor kept fading lower and lower. William he was started to feel like he could not hear a word she was saying. He was also feeling weak on his knees. He felt a chill on his back as a drop of sweat fell slowly. He was losing balance. 

“When it rains, it pours!” William thought.

The famous words his mother used whenever something bad happened. He could not believe it but he finally understood the actual meaning of that word.

He collapsed back on the red chair. He pulled his hands together as he was taught to do. He looked like a boy in a man’s body learning to pray for the first time.

“Are you there God? It me again. I keep coming back because I don;t know how long I can take this. I’m not asking for much, I don;t want money nor fame nor glory. I just want happiness and health for my daughter. How am I suppose to trust you if you keep throwing me down? How? I hate the fact that you let me go through this but if it be your will I will accept. Help me understand what I am supposed to do.” He said silently.

He covered his face and sobbed.