Roses are full of Thorns

Natasha and Nathan met when they were six years old, in the first grade of elementary school. They were assigned to sit next to each other and soon became inseparable friends. They shared their toys, their snacks, their secrets, and their dreams. They played together, studied together, and laughed together. They were always there for each other, through good and bad times.

They grew up together, and their friendship blossomed into love. They went all through the same high school, all the way to the same university. They supported each other’s passions and ambitions and celebrated each other’s achievements. They were the perfect couple, envied by everyone who knew them.

Two months after their graduation, Natasha got a lucrative job offer as a software engineer, but it took Nathan more than six months before he finally landed a banking job. He got a job at the Triangle Bank as a banker. The two decided to wait a year after securing a job to get married and start a family. Nathan proposed in the presence of his friends and family. It was a joyous moment for the couple and the wedding was fixed shortly after. The two lover birds had a beautiful wedding ceremony. They vowed to love each other forever and to cherish every moment they had together. They looked forward to starting a family, and to growing old together. Both families had high expectations for the new addition to the family, they believed that their love would see them through the days and difficult times ahead.

But life had other plans for them.

Barely three years into their marriage, Nathan lost his banking job and had to rely on Natasha’s earnings to support the family. It wasn’t a nice experience for someone like Nathan who valued responsibility. His attempt to secure a new job wasn’t fruitful. Until a year later when he ran to Ibro, one of his old college friends who emigrated to Canada shortly after his graduation. He advised him to think about relocation which might change his prospects. Nathan couldn’t make up his mind and it took him months to finally reach the decision to give it a thought and discuss it with his significant other.

However, Natasha vehemently rejected the idea; she wanted Nathan to go out searching for a job. They went into arguments, at first, it was an occasional quarrel between the couple, but it became incessant. On one particular evening, Natasha returned from work and met her husband sprawling on the sofa. She was livid with anger but had to restrain herself from shouting at him. However, her attempt to have a simple conversation simply led to an unending argument.

Natasha: “Hi, honey. I’m home. How was your day?”

Nathan: “Same as usual. Nothing new.”

Natasha: “Did you apply for any jobs today?”

Nathan: “No, I didn’t. There’s no point. Nobody wants to hire me.”

Natasha: “Don’t say that. You have to keep trying. You can’t just give up. While you continued sprawling here others are out there doing something to change the course of their lives.”

Nathan: “Easy for you to say since you have never really lost a job. You have a stable job and a busy life. You don’t understand how I feel.”

Natasha: “How do you feel? Nathan. Do you suppose things will get better by just lying here idle all day? Look! I know it’s hard. But you can’t let this situation affect your self-esteem and your mood. You have to go out, keep searching, and stay positive and hopeful in life.”

Nathan: “Searching, Positive and hopeful? How do I do that when I have no income, no purpose, no future? How can I be positive and hopeful when you barely pay attention to me?”

Natasha: “What do you mean I barely pay attention to you? I’m here, aren’t I? I’m trying to support you and help you.”

Nathan: “No, you’re not. You’re always busy with your work, your friends, your hobbies. You don’t have time for me. You don’t care about me. I asked you to consider us relocating so that we can both have a new life, what did you say? I think you are the most selfish person I have ever met.”

Natasha: “How am I selfish? You mean I should leave the known for the unknown. Look, Nathan, I am not stopping you from moving on with your life. If you think migrating elsewhere is the answer you are looking for, feel free to exercise your right. I am not stopping you, but don’t ask me to leave the only thing that’s tangible in my life for your unreasonable request. I can’t do it. And if my not acquiesce to your ridiculous request makes me a bad wife. You are entitled to your opinion; I won’t stop you. I have my own life and responsibilities and can’t just drop everything and follow your idea just because it appeals to you.”

Nathan: “Why not? Am I not important enough for you? Are you saying that I am just a pastime in your life? Someone you could pick up and cuddle when you want and desire me but can discard when not useful to you. Is that how I have become in this marriage?”

Natasha: “You are the most unreasonable man I have ever known to talk to. Nathan. You can’t expect me to be your only source of happiness and fulfillment. You have to find that within yourself. You have to be more independent and confident.”

Nathan: “Independent and confident? How can I be independent and confident when the next bill in this house is paid by you? Everything here comes from your pocket. How can I be independent and confident when you make me feel like a burden and a failure? Do you think I haven’t noticed your contempt in the past years? Please spare me your explanation of a good wife. ”

Natasha: “Nathan, stop it. You’re not a burden or a failure. You’re just going through a rough patch. It will get better. You will find a job. You will get back on your feet. You will be happy again.”

Nathan: “When? When will it get better? When will I find a job? When will I get back on my feet? When will I be happy again? Ibro promised to work the process together with us. Apart from the idea of us moving to have a future, what about the children’s development. But hell no, all you ever think of is yourself.”

Natasha: “You are always unreasonable to have a conversation with. Nathan. Do you suppose moving elsewhere is the answer to our prayer or solution to our immediate and long-term issues? You are wrong. I may not have all the answers, but I know relocating is not the solution nor is wallowing in self-pity or negativity. To solve the problem You have to take action. You have to make changes.”

Nathan: “What changes? What action? What do you want me to do?”

Natasha: “First you have to get out of this rut, get out of the house to meet new people, or learn new skills, and find new opportunities.”

Nathan: And how am I supposed to do that? Have you considered my age? Where am I supposed to go? Who am I supposed to meet? What am I supposed to learn? Where am I supposed to find these opportunities?”

Natasha: “There are so many options, Nathan. There are so many resources available online and offline. There are so many courses, workshops, events, programs, networks, and communities that you can join and benefit from. You can start from there.”

Nathan: “Really? Like what?”

Natasha: “Well, for example, there is this website called [Coursera] that offers free online courses from top universities and organizations in various fields and topics. There is also this app called [Meetup] that helps you find and join local groups of people who share your interests. There is also this platform called [LinkedIn] that connects you with professionals and employers in your industry. And there are many more like these.”

Nathan: “And you think these things will help me?” He laughed, and it was dried laughter like he was mocking himself and his wife’s comment. Nathan’s mind had been fixated on traveling abroad to avoid the shame around him and prove himself worthy of taking a risk. Unfortunately, his wife was never on board with the idea.

 Natasha: “Yes, Nathan. I think these things will help you learn new things, develop new skills, expand your network, discover new possibilities, and boost your confidence.”

Nathan: “And then what?”

Natasha: “And then maybe you’ll find a job that suits you better than the one you lost. Or maybe you’ll start your own business or project that fulfills your passion and purpose. Or maybe you’ll just find more joy and meaning in your life.”

Nathan: “Where is the capital to start a new project? I won’t risk it.”

Natasha: “Suit yourself, you are so hard to talk to. A man who is afraid to take a risk in life will find it hard to do anything significant too.”

Nathan: “So, it has got to this, you are now doubtful of my ability as a man, why don’t you explicitly say it that I am not qualified to stay by your side. What is the difference between relocating and taking a new business adventure? The way I see it, the risk of migration is lower compared to taking a loan to start a business. Who knows what the outcome might be?”

“In other words, you have written yourself out as a failure. Please don’t count on the idea of me relocating with you. I prefer to stay here and grow my career. When you can sort out your mind you can tell me. You are free to do anything you like. I am tired.”

The usual talks between the couple always ended badly. The couple soon realized that marriage was not as easy as they had imagined. The pressures of finances and raising family were taking a toll on their lives, relationships, and health. In the beginning, they used to compromise on many things, and sometimes they argued over trivial matters, but Nathan’s loss of job seemed to have escalated their little tirade. Now, they couldn’t say anything without ending up yelling at each other; the distractions from the outside world had an unprecedented negative impact on the family and the two loved lives.

Initially, they tried to make it work, but they slowly drifted apart. They stopped communicating, stopped caring, stopped loving. They became strangers living under the same roof, sharing nothing but a name. They realized their mistake too late, but the two were too proud to admit it. They stayed together for the sake of appearances, and their two children but they were unhappy. They regretted their decision to get married and wished they could go back to the way things were before.

But it was too late. They never got a happy-ever-after.