Let the Games Begin

Written in response to: Write about a character driving in the rain.... view prompt

37 comments

Mystery

https://wp.me/pd3y1A-dX

September 21, 2021 10:23

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37 comments

Palak Shah
16:38 Oct 08, 2021

Nice story Dhwani and the use of the prompt was amazing. Good job :))

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lol interesting one! I liked the way it tied together, and John was a very comical character XD I found that you changed tenses a few times... here's an example. "I was unsure of him doing anything at all that I almost felt the surge to feel his pulse. Disappointed, you let out warm air thorough your mouth and focus your attention towards the Judge." --> the POV changes from 'I' to 'you', try to pick one or the other. Other than that, the story was very well overall :D

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Dhwani Jain
06:19 Sep 22, 2021

Thanks, Flow! (I see that you have changed your pfp)

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Np :) (Yep)

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Dhwani Jain
16:08 Sep 22, 2021

(Your drawing is Coolio)

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Thx

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Dhwani Jain
16:18 Sep 22, 2021

Also, at that time when I relied earlier, I didn't have enough time... Thank you for the review. I wrote this story is just an hour... So yeah. What do you think, am I improving as a writer? Another thing, how have you been? ( I have noticed that I don't ask people who I came about this question and keep on renting about myself, SORRY! )

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You definitely are improving :D (No worries) I’m doing alright ig, hbu?

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Dhwani Jain
03:19 Sep 23, 2021

I am great too! =D

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Dat’s good :3

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I’m writing a story, want a sneak peek? Also, happy fall 🎃🍂🍁 or whatever season it is there lol

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Dhwani Jain
03:34 Sep 23, 2021

A sneak peak is appreciated... I am in the Northern Hemisphere only....it is Autumn here too (I think, the weather is more monsoon-esque here)

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OMG! The detail in this story was impecable, and the dialogue? Even better! I loved the way you ended the story! I think it really worked out! The use of the prompt was amazing! As always, Great Job!!! -Breckin Northrup

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Dhwani Jain
03:04 Sep 22, 2021

Thanks! TBH, I didn't base it off the prompt....but I appreciate your feedback! =D

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20:55 Sep 21, 2021

Dhwaniiiiiiiiiii A few critiques since you asked for them: "Hellp all!" Should be "Help" Have you watched Hunger Games? I haven't but I still caught that reference at the end since my friend is OBSESSED. Anyway, I loved this story. It was funny and kept me in suspense. Well done!

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Dhwani Jain
03:05 Sep 22, 2021

Thanks a lot, Sienna! NO, I haven't watched the Hunger Games.... :( Thanks for the pointing the error

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05:36 Sep 22, 2021

No problem!!!

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Stevie B
18:59 Sep 21, 2021

Dhwani, I always love a good detective mystery and your tale delivered all the goods, lock, stock, and barrel! Very well conceived and constructed from beginning to end.

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Dhwani Jain
06:24 Sep 22, 2021

Thank you so much, Stevie!

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Abi Bean
14:49 Sep 21, 2021

I loved this! I especially loved the little Hunger Games references in the title and with the "District Detective". There were a couple of times where you switched between first person and second person point of view, and it was a bit confusing to know which person was talking at first, but its still such a great story!

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Dhwani Jain
06:24 Sep 22, 2021

AC, tbh, I have NEVER watched Hunger Games! But yeah, I need to stick to one POV. Thanks for the review!

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Abi Bean
12:24 Sep 22, 2021

XDD THERES SO MANY REFERENCES LOL the title of "District Detective" is a reference to the 12 Districts of Panem in the book, and the title of your story is an exact popular quote from the book: "Let the Games begin!" XDD yeah i have that same problem LOL i always make a point of going through my story just to check that its all 1 pov np!

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Dhwani Jain
16:06 Sep 22, 2021

Okay...noice. Thanks AC! I know your going through a rough patch, just think of all the people who love you and who are always there for you. There are people in your family, your friends and people here, on Reedsy. Just think about when you went off from here. Everyone was so devastated. Now think about how they reacted when you came back. They were all exuberant..... So, you're not alone. Everyone in your life has a purpose. Stay strong You're stronger than this, girl.... Enough motivation talk, NOW WHERE IS MY REQUESTED PFP? {I ...

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Abi Bean
16:57 Sep 22, 2021

ty for the encouragement <3 i rlly needed that XD iM gOiNg LoL

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Dhwani Jain
03:13 Sep 23, 2021

Anytime :) XD

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Akshara P
14:35 Sep 21, 2021

This was a wonderful story plot with a lot of funny scenes! Cool!

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Dhwani Jain
06:23 Sep 22, 2021

Thanks Akshara! =D

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Hey Dhwani! Amazing story plot with all the funny scenes and all! Some things to note are your spelling. 1. "The case of the lost artefacts from the museum is something that our best detectives have not been able to solve." should be "artifact" 2."“Hellp all! I am officer Sotiye. " change to 'Help' 3. "Let the games begin! ” You put the '"' to far apart from the word. 4. "‘You just need to handle him for ten days, L. Just ten days.’' Maybe change to this "You only need to handle him for ten days. You can survive that... right?" Other...

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Dhwani Jain
06:25 Sep 22, 2021

2. Actually, it was HELLO ALL! Thanks for the detailed review, Varsha!

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2. Oh i see! Of course Dhwani! What are friends for?! :D

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