One bad mum, destroyed half the world…
He would often say.
On that bench, sitting next to Andrea, I have a bad life, he bitterly cried.
Work on it and you might make it big and become the one the world looks up to. She smiled with kind eyes, her encouragement was like a kid running to you with open arms and a bright smile.
And what if I don’t? he turned away from the happy child as usual.
The grumpy man was unaware of the light next to him and the light next to him was equally unaware of the consequences of being embraced.
You will be like majority of the people, ordinary yet unique, you will survive, Andrea turned her head with the smile still glued on her face and looked at the passers-by, like everyone else in sight from here.
He kept looking at her face, turned sideways now, his gaze fixed on her rosy cheek and the corner of her red lips, like a dream of going to the moon came true and he was staring right at it yet he couldn’t dare to touch it.
Was it love? Or just a bandage on his wounds, he didn’t think much and ran behind the comfort of this unknown source.
They got married, the hearts floating in chest, the butterflies in the stomach, love is in the air.
In her arms, he repeated the tale, my mom hated me, I’m a bastard, they’d say.
She held his face with both her hands, her sparkly eyes would well up in tears, she would kiss him and hold him close, give me all your pain, I will borrow your sorrow; show me what it was like to be in your shoes, do it till I know, do it till you free yourself of this agony.
And when it’s over, let’s be together forever, in our own little home. Our home of joy and blessings, free of sorrow. With my love and yours, together we can undo all hate, the abuse and agonizing pain.
He held her dearly, agreed to what she said, partly healing, he started feeling happy again.
Why is it always you? His mother would always say. Why is it always me? He now couldn’t escape…
Unchained from years of abuse, he had started moving on when it’s Jupiter or mars, or another star that moved? His past returned to him, like a long lost friend, all feelings reawakened and took him to drinks. Day after day, he drank his life away.
Until one day, honey! are you okay? He showed up drunk again and she helped him get to bed. Give me all your pain, don’t hurt no more my love! She insisted again and he really agreed.
The next morning, she was curled up on the floor, with bruises, left to weep. You asked for my pain, can you feel it too? I believe in true love and your loyalty too.
I feel the pain and it’s so intense, I can understand your deep dejection. Do you feel better now?
Every other day, she passed the hell he prepared. Then there was a day, she couldn’t take the pain. Her heart sank with a gut-wrenching pain. The dreams she had all fading away, tears blurring her vision and the curtain of darkness fell.
Oh love, what’s wrong, what happened to our pact of sharing my pain? He carried her to the ER and prayed for her life, he got what he needed but she just lost her only child.
What is it honey? Won’t you heal me anymore? Aren’t you going to feel my pain and borrow all my sorrow? He desperately enquired as a ticking voice in his head pushed him to panic for the time slipping through his hands; like grains of sand through the fists.
You broke me, I can’t take it anymore. I would die, her raspy voice was breaking, because my child must be waiting; her chained heart got squeezed even more, she gulped the lump of tears and groaned. What if he asked, what’s his fault? Was his worth less than our plan to share your pain? I’m broken love, I can’t heal you.
Her pale face got paler, she stayed in that position for several minutes longer. He touched her face with his shaky hands, her icy skin froze him and he barely flinched.
Holding her in his arms, realizing and regretting the past, he held her close one last time. Burying in guilt by the moment in time.
Confessing his sins, he went to Jail. I’ll diligently atone for my sins.
You healed me all the way, I broke you to your core. I will serve my sentence for a while, then die so we can reunite.
Seasons passed by, his black hair were all replaced by grey. The weak bones and loose muscles, still sufficient to drag his burdensome body around. He let his stubble grow to a longer beard, hiding his distraught or concealing the sins? Or maybe a combination of them.
Years passed by, in prison he would cry, till a day came when he could step out and finally see the sun again. His old legs dragged him to the bench, where they once sat. he sat there again, recalling all she said.
Sitting on that bench, where she was next to him, old, alone and broken, with nowhere to be… one bad mum, destroyed half the world?
Remember the faces of his wife, picturing the unborn child and his beautiful family life…
One bad mum, destroyed my entire world. He bitterly cried.
He visited her grave again, sat next to it for hours and exclaimed; woe to me, the unfortunate one. Always rejected and never loved, at the horrors of a terrible mother. I was accepted by the angel in the end; witness my foolishness, I killed her and our son. His palms held together in a curve, he collected his sad tears, then poured the sorrow on her grave, hoping it will lessen his pain.
Sitting there for hours every day, serving his sentence until one day, he got the sweet embrace of death, luckily laying his head on her lap. Buried body next to hers, a spirit awaiting his arrival with open arms. Here’s the baby we lost, this is the end of our sorrowful plot. Holding hands, they walked up the staircase, to their eternal nowhere land.