As The Sun Went Down

Dusty books, the smell of wood. I've been circling around on these shelves for hours, looking for something that I can't point out. In this peaceful small old library, with a few usual students coming over, they know me as the weirdo librarian.

No. It's not about the way I look or dress, it's simply because of this habit of mine roaming around the library and tapping my index finger on the edge of each book on the shelves. I know it's a little bit weird but, I just feel like doing it. Seems like something in one of these books is pulling me.

"Hey." I turned around and saw the dazzling smile of my—what should I call him? Friend?

"Hi," I replied and walked back to my desk. "You're early today."

"Yeah. Have to take care of someone here." He giggled but was immediately hushed by the students. He leaned closer and whispered, "Coffee?"

I stared at him for a moment and carved a smile on my face. "Sure. After my shift."

He nodded and sat in his usual spot in the library.

Avin was a nurse which I met when I was hospitalized 6 months ago. I got into a car accident and he was the one assigned to nurse me. I couldn't detail much about it since I barely remember both the accident and the moment before that. 

In truth, I didn't have any memories of my past including my family and friends. Well, thanks to my ruined I.D., at least I knew the part of my name 'Lia'.

I was like a blank canvas, waiting to be painted. That was what Avin meant when he said 'he needs to take care of someone'. It was me.

He was also helping me to look for my family or anyone he could reach using my ID. Luckily enough, it was still readable even though most of it was burnt.

The clock rang as it landed at 5:15; it was closing time.

After the students left, Avin and I cleaned the library before we left and headed to the nearest cafe.

Surprisingly, I felt a sudden nostalgia. The smell of the brewed coffee, the chattering of the customers. The vintage colored walls, the sound of the baristas. Even the staff moving around the cafe made me feel wistful.

This was my first time coming here but, the place seemed so familiar. Or so I thought?

"Lia?" I came back to my senses as Avin spoke. The waitress was also standing beside our table. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Just appreciating the ambience." I smiled.

"Right. I knew you would like it here." He opened the menu and furrowed his brows as he read what was written there. "Uh. One espresso please and a slice of chocolate cake."

"Alright, sir." The waitress responded as she scribbled on her mini book.

"How about you, Lia? What do you like?" Avin asked. I hummed as I flipped the pages of the menu. Honestly, I didn't know what to order.

"Uh... Mocha Latté with Car—"

"Caramel and a slice of mint cake, right Mam?" I was caught off guard as the waitress blurted my exact order politely. Wait. What?

I hesitantly nodded. "Ah. Yes."

Avin chuckled. "It seemed like you ordered their best pair here."

The waitress just shook her head as a reply to Avin in a friendly manner. "It's actually unique, sir. She's the only one ordering that pair here. By the way, it's nice to see you again mam. It's been a long time."

The waitress smiled and left me dumbfounded. I looked at Avin and he definitely had the same expression as me.

"Have you been here?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulder with a tightening feeling in my chest. "I'm not sure. But, this place is kinda nostalgic for me."

"I bet that order just popped up in your mind, right?" Avin asked with a serious look on his face.

I nodded. It was true. Since I'm too lazy to read the menu, I just ordered whatever came to my mind. Was it coincidental? No. Probably my subconscious?

"The waitress. Would you like to talk to her? I'm sure she can help you regain your memory." Avin suggested which I agreed instantly.

After we finished, we waited for the cafe to close so that I could talk to the waitress. Yes, I'm desperate to wait longer than 3 hours.

"I'm sorry, it took a while." The waitress smiled as she sat across from me. I was just staring at her. Now that I'm focusing on her, though I couldn't recognize her, her voice was vaguely familiar to my ears.

"What is it again? You have amnesia, mam?" The waitress asked us. Avin tapped my shoulder, signaling me to answer her.

I took a deep breath and smiled at her. "Yes. Do... Do you know me?"

"Not really mam since I didn't know your name. But, you're a regular here in our cafe and you're ordering the same unique pair every time. That's why I recognize you." She smiled and hesitantly glanced at Avin. "But, you're always with someone. Is it appropriate to mention him?"

Avin just chuckled to assure her. "Don't worry. We're just friends. You can tell everything."

The waitress nodded. "We actually have your picture together pasted on the wall. Come."

She stood up and we followed her towards the wall where a lot of pictures were displayed there.

"I'm sure it's here. Sorry, there are a lot. We tend to take a picture of cute pairs coming here. Ah! here!" She happily pointed to the picture on the right side of the wall.

I came closer to have a better look. I saw myself smiling in a long brown coat with a cup of coffee in my hand. Yes, the order was the same. There was a half-eaten slice of mint cake on the table and a white cake, probably vanilla?

I directed my eyes to the person sitting next to me. I didn't know but, his face. With his genuine smile and hazelnut eyes, I couldn't take my eyes off them. Just by looking at him, my chest tightened. I felt like my surroundings were spinning—heaviness enveloped my body.

What's happening?

'Smile to the camera. Don't look at me.'

Whose that voice? Wait. Who was laughing?

'Come on. Have a bite.'

'Goodness, Lia. You're so messy. Hahaha'

That voice. Was it his?

A vague image played like a film in my mind. My head was hurting. I'm choking up— I couldn't breathe.

"Lia. Lia!" 

I snapped out of my discomfort as I felt Avin's arms around me. I looked up at him with those tired eyes. "Avin."

"Is she alright?" I heard the waitress ask, worry was obvious in her voice.

"What happened?" Avin asked me, supporting my stand.

"I got dizzy. Let's go home." I replied. 

I didn't know anymore. I'm so confused—it seemed like my brain was ransacked.

Avin drove me home. It was an apartment I rented for the meantime since I didn't remember my real address. There was nothing left to me aside from that ruined ID that you would barely see the details after my accident. My car exploded shortly after I was rescued, that was what they said after I regained consciousness.

"Thank you," I mumbled as I stepped out of his car. "Drive safe."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay over?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything."

"I will." I smiled then I saw him off.

I took another deep breath as I paced inside my apartment.

Who is he? My boyfriend? Husband? Friend? Colleague?

I flinched as I felt my head ached. Ugh. I need rest.

The next day, Avin never left my side. He was just watching me all day in the library.

I sighed. "You really don't have to watch me. I'm fine."

"I'm a nurse. You're my patient. It's my duty."

I rolled my eyes in thin air. "Heavens. We're not in the hospital anymore, Avin. Quit that nurse-patient game."

"I'm not. If you could only see yourself yesterday, I'm sure you would do the same."

I just sighed in defeat and just started arranging the books on the shelves that some students left on the table.

"Want me to help?"

"No. Watching me all day is more than enou—." I stopped after I strongly pushed one of the books by accident which made the other books fall.

"Careful," Avin mumbled.

I walked behind the shelves and picked them up and put them back one by one. But, I halted as I noticed the last book. It was thick yet, not heavy.

I opened the book to check it. I was right. The book was hollow. It was a gift box designed like a book. I found another mini box inside and a beautifully designed envelope.

Without any hesitation, I opened the envelope and took the letter out. I couldn't explain my emotions. I was anxious but excited. I'm happy yet, scared.

I read the letter. Just at the first line, my tears started to flow.

'To my dearest Shalia, my lover, my world.

If you're reading this now, then probably the most anxious day of my life has come. I know you hated this kind of cheesy letter but, I couldn't help it. I'm so nervous that I might ruin this present if I personally gave it to you. So please, bear with me. Lia, no words can describe how thankful I am to have you. This ink is the witness of my great happiness to love someone like you. Don't cry yet. Open the small box first!'

I wiped the tears that had been flowing non-stop to my cheeks. Then, my mouth hung as I opened the small box. 

The picture of us was pinned on the cover of the box and inside was a diamond ring, wrapped around with the question 'Will You Marry Me?'

Overwhelmed, I slumped to the floor. Feeling the unexplainable heaviness on my chest. Vague memories suddenly became vivid. 

His smiles, his touch, his voice, his laugh, his scent. Everything flashed through like a blade slashing my flesh. 

I could only hear his voice echoing in my ears. I could feel the air becoming warmer and I felt his caress.

Gab... I'm sorry.

I burst into tears. I shouted as loud as I could. I couldn't care less. I'm in so much pain. Was this guilt? No. It was a pure longingness.

I screamed and screamed, my voice echoed in the silent library. Students were watching me in confusion.

"Lia. Lia! What's wrong?" Avin worriedly came to me and held my hand as tight as he could. I looked at him.

"I remember everything, Avin. Everything." I sobbed. "6 months... It's been 6 months, Avin!"

"Calm down. Calm down." He caressed my back, trying to comfort me.

"This library. H-He owned this library before."

Avin hushed me. "Shh.. I understand. Don't talk for now. Save that for later."

I hugged the box as tight as I could. Gab. I'm so sorry.

.

.

The morning was shining so brightly, yet here I am gloomily sitting inside Avin's car while staring at empty space.

"Here." I flinched as he leaned the cold can on my left cheek. I looked at him and held the drink.

"Thank you."

"How are you feeling?"

I sighed. "I don't know." I glanced at the closed library from a distance.

"Gab is fond of reading. That's why he bought that place to build his dream library." I started, drinking my drink. "Maybe that's why I really wanted to be hired as a librarian there even though I couldn't remember anything. My heart was there. Our memories."

"Why did you sell the library?" I glanced back at Avin when he asked.

"I don't know either. We used to live here together but he suddenly wanted to settle down at his parents' residence. His mom was nice so, it's fine for me. A month after we stayed there, he decided to sell the library." I explained, reminiscing about the happy moments we spent. 

"Is it okay if I ask why you left the residence?" I smiled at his question.

"I didn't leave. I was asked to leave."

Avin seriously looked at me then his gaze softened with pity. I laughed.

"No. It's not what you think. We didn't break up. Most importantly, I wasn't kicked out. It's just that... He asked me to get his favorite book in the library." My smile disappeared instantly.

Yes, I went back here just to get his favorite book. And I wasn't expecting it to be the book of his proposal.

"So, while traveling here that was when you got into an accident. Goodness! Does it mean he probably didn't know it yet? Now, it's been 6 months!?" Avin freaked out. "Wait. Why didn't he come with you?"

I paused and looked away. "He was sick at that time. We were supposed to come back here together but, he suddenly fell ill."

Both of us fell silent. I couldn't think of anything pleasant. I was anxious.

"Lia. Do you want to go home?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I should pay my rent today." 

"No. I mean there. To Gab."

I halted, surprised by Avin's question. I couldn't answer him.

Honestly, I'm afraid. As Avin said, perhaps Gab had no idea what happened to me. Now, 6 months have passed and I still haven't returned there. 

What is he thinking right now? Knowing that I'm supposed to get his Marriage proposal. Will he think I rejected him for not returning? How is he right now? Is he looking for me?

Or... Do I still have Gab to go back to?

I was startled as Avin flicked my forehead. "Stop overthinking. Just follow what your heart wants."

Suddenly, I felt at ease. Avin was right. Whatever might happen, I should clear things up.

"Yes. I want to go home."

The next day, we drove for almost 3 hours then we reached the residence.

Heavens. The smell of this fresh breeze. The trees and beautiful flowers. For Pete's sake, I missed this place.

"Are you ready?"

I looked at Avin for a while then I took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. "Yes. I'm ready."

We didn't waste time and went directly inside Gab's parents' residence. There, I saw Gab's mother sweeping outside.

With every step I took, my heart was racing faster than before.

"Mom," I called. Her eyes widened as she saw me. Tears started to build at the corners of her eyes.

"L-Lia." She mumbled and was about to move forward but, she hesitated as she noticed Avin behind me.

Avin waved his hand at her. "It's not what you think, mam. I'm her friend."

That was when she continued to walk and hugged me as tightly as she could, tears damping my shirt. "Goodness, Lia. Where have you been? Oh, God. Thank God!"

Wiping my tears, I looked at her. "I'm sorry. I... I have a lot of explaining to do."

"I understand. But, save that for later. Please. Gab is waiting. I'm begging you. Go to him, right now." 

I didn't know what to feel but, the way her voice cracked, I couldn't think it was pleasant.

I rushed inside and shouted his name multiple times. As I took the stairs toward our room, I kept calling him.

"Gab? Ga—"

I froze, tears blurred my vision. "G-Gab..."

His thin and pale face slowly looked in my direction. Even though his eyes were tired, I could see the delight as we stared at each other.

"Lia. Lia." His voice was more like a whisper. He was too weak. His hair was all gone, and he was thinner than I remember. I rushed to him and held his cold hands as tight as I could—tears were flooding our eyes.

"You come back. I knew you would. I didn't lose hope." My heart was shattered into pieces. Although his voice was hoarse, he tried to say those words. His weak arms were wrapped around me.

"Of course, I will. No matter what will happen, I'll always come back to you. I love you." I cried.

He formed a weak smile on his face.

"I waited each day. Thank you for coming back."

I nodded while crying nonstop.

I couldn't bear to look at his situation. It was too painful to look at. I wiped his tears and kissed his forehead. "I'm here now. Stop crying. Okay?"

Gab nodded. "L-Lia... You've found my present, r-right?"

I nodded and forced a smile to assure him. I raised my left hand and showed him the ring I was wearing. I giggled. "Can you guess my answer?"

Gab smiled from ear to ear. He was too weak but I could sense his happiness. I looked at the doorstep, where I saw his mother whimpering.

Why? Why didn't I know about this? Why didn't I notice this before? I shouldn't have left.

"Lia. C-Can you watch me sleep? I've been wanting t-to sleep but, I'm waiting f-for you. I want you to watch me sleep."

My heart stopped beating for a moment. The impending doom ate me up. My hand trembled—holding back the tears, I nodded and gently hugged him. "S-Sleep now, my love. I'll be just here watching. I won't leave."

"I love you," he softly said with tears in his eyes.

Then, I started humming.

As the sun went down, Gab fell asleep in my arms. But, unlike the morning sun, he never woke up again.