Little Rabbit

(The following contains adult themes, sexual content, strong language and drug use.)

“She’ll ruin you, you know?” Sean told me.

People can warn you all day and all night. Hell, they even put warning labels larger than the logo on cigarettes. Your parents become so impassioned when you ignore them that they slap you around. Reminding you of the consequences if you do not heed their warnings. Yet like a moth to the flame, we meander and amble into the fire. Now there's something more satisfying about a lesson learned, taking that risk. It could mean jail time, an injury, loss of money, hell you may die or even worse, have a child. Or the risk could pay off and you become entangled in something beautiful. One thing is for sure, you’re unlikely to come out unscathed. It comes in this messy package, knowledge, experience and a story. Knowing that she could ruin me was something that drew me in.

“Maybe, but at the very least I’ll have a story to tell”. I replied.

I had met Sean’s sister Bronwyn during a visit to their mother’s house. She was pregnant and beautiful. She was a little taller than me and slender. Beautiful mid length blonde hair caressed her cheeks. When she smiled she revealed a little gap between her top front teeth. There was tragedy written all over her. She had lived multiple lives. The girl had been a stripper until she had gotten pregnant. I felt this rise in ego when she accepted my invitation to dinner. There were countless men that paid her for a lap dance and there I was about to sit down and have dinner with this tragic beauty.

She arrived two hours late. I had set up dinner for seven  o’clock and my brother, with whom I lived with, showed some concern.

“You got stood up again huh? Man bitches be bitches.” My brother was recently separated and had a disdain for women. So anytime a woman would walk through the revolving door that is my love life, he would immediately despise them. I was more forgiving than he was, I always expected a lot less from people.

She arrived a little after nine. I received a message saying that she was sorry and that she was at my door. I met her there and was unreasonably surprised to see her with a child in a car seat. I had forgotten that she had a kid.

“Meet Jude”. She says.

“Nice to meet you handsome”. I told the kid.

I grabbed the car seat which is always too heavy and led her to the dining room. I had laid out all the makings of a pizza so we could both share this experience. We assembled our pizza and conversed. She told me how much she loves her son. It was during this conversation that I realized Bronwyn had this accent unique to her. She had a tongue ring that she never got used to, so she would talk almost as though she was holding something on her tongue. Our pizza came out looking like an amorphous blob but it tasted amazing.

We made our way to the bedroom and watched a movie. Jude was asleep in the car seat.  She would reveal some details of her life that she wasn’t particularly proud of. She was a convicted felon, she had been a drug user and maybe a dealer. She told me how the kid’s father was an angry, useless man that treated her like shit. After Jude came into her life, she wanted nothing more than to be her best possible self. 

“All of your mistakes led you to Jude”. I said. 

She smiled and packed her stuff. I gave her a friendly hug and she departed.

“I’m home, thanks for dinner”. She had sent me a message. “What are you doing for valentines day”? 

“Having dinner with you”.

“It’s a date, also why did you hug me like a dude”?

“I didn’t know how you felt about me, I’ll see you next week. Good night”.

You know that feeling when you anticipate something? Time slows down and everything is miserable. I am an impatient man. When my hopes are high I ride this wave into the stratosphere. So that means that when I fall, I fall hard.

At work, Sean would approach me.

“I heard you have a date with my sister later”. He says.

“Yeah on Valentine’s day.

“She’ll ruin you, you know, she’s nuts and a hardass.”

“Maybe, but I’ll have a story to tell.”

“She asked me if it  was OK to see you, I told her you’re both grown ass adults. I don’t give a fuck. If she breaks your heart though, I’ll kick her ass”. We shared a laugh.

I bought Bronwyn a bouquet of carnations. They are more aesthetically pleasing than roses, also they’re cheaper. I spent the saved money on filet mignons and made some mashed potatoes with broccolini. She arrived only a few minutes late this time.

“What’s up little man”. She exposed that gapped tooth smile.

“Nothing, just applying for gap insurance”.

She punched my shoulder and walked in. She was surprised to see flowers on the counter and dinner was ready to go. 

“I have not gotten flowers in such a long time, I’m not used to this.”

“Well don’t get used to it, I’m poor”.

“It’s OK so am I, thanks they’re beautiful”. She hugged me.

Now we proceeded to eat and she revealed even more details of her life. All of it tragic. I had not met her after so long and she definitely fit into my circle of friends. So it felt like we were catching up. I think we were watching The Goonies and I asked her to get closer. She sat right next to me.

“Kiss me”. I said

She leaned in. Now Sean if you are reading this I suggest you skip this next part. I knew she was a hard ass and she hung around a tough crowd. So only one type of experience would satiate this woman. Now in my experience, I’ve come across a certain type of woman and to be honest, more often than not. This type of woman craves pain, dominance, strength and any way to incorporate those traits during the sexual performance. I have yet to encounter that passionate vanilla love making that you see in movies. The sex I had was in a different type of film. I honestly yearn for that classic romance but that's a different story.

I pulled her head back and pinned her down.

“Hmm, give it to me”. She moaned.

“Ask for it”.

“Please give it to me”.

“Not good enough”.

“What do you want?” She asked.  I turned her over and smacked her across her ass.

“I’m asking the questions”. I said. She turned around smiling. 

“I had no idea this was in you”. She straddled me and kissed me passionately. “You can not tell anyone that i'm into this, no one who knows me, knows that I like this”.

“I knew right from the start”. I smiled. “We’re done for tonight”.

“What the fuck you mean we’re done?”

I pulled her head back, “I said we’re done”. She smiled that pretty gapped tooth smile.

We finished the movie and she made her way back home. She called me later that night and asked me if I was seeing anyone else. I was not and she proceeded to ask me out. I was enamored with this tragedy and would see it through.

We laughed our asses off. We roasted each other all day and that was our language. I read to her child and was somewhat the disciplinarian. She would claim I would be a good father to him. I felt a sense of pride. We would read together, make love daily, go grocery shopping on her food stamps. Man, I never ate that good, steaks, shrimp and all at the expense of the government. The actual money went for alcohol. We could put away some beer between the two of us. In the drunken haze she would lean over and kiss me randomly. I had a family.

Then she obtained a new job as a repairman apprentice. Bronwyn would work early hours and often. I would see her less and less and so would her family. She would stop showing up and stop returning phone calls. Then I received an alarming message from her room mate saying she was showing signs of using again. It all came to a head when she failed to show up for my birthday dinner. That inner voice that usually whispers was suddenly yelling at me. 

“That stupid bitch! She has no business going through my shit like that!” Bronwyn said during a heated phone call. “She kicked me out”.

“Why is she kicking you out?” I asked.

“She said she found some stuff and doesn’t want that in the house.”

“You can stay with me”.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes baby, come stay with me, we’ll be a family. Just stay away from that stuff.”

“I'm not using, I promise, she’s crazy”.

We made plans to move in by the end of the week. I was both concerned and excited about this. I had no idea if she was using. All I know was that the passion she conveyed when she was around  was enrapturing. It was only when she was away that Bronwyn would disappear into the shade and the world would turn cold.

“She’ll ruin you”. Sean said during one of our shifts. “She’s not done with that shit. Her room mate ran through her phone and read all the messages. Not only is she using, she’s also talking to Jude’s dad and taking him to visits.”

“The boy needs to know his father”. I said. “No matter how big of a piece of shit he is”. 

“Not only that, I think she’s seeing him too, if you know what I mean”.

“Oh, I see, so she’s cheating on me?”

“Yes”.

“Well I can’t just release her into the wild, she could downward spiral into nothing. I could let her move in and know she’s safe with me.”

“I love you, and I know you love my family, you don't have to do this.”

“I can’t go back on my word”.

Days later my gapped tooth girl showed up in a pick up truck fully loaded. Jude was asleep in the backseat. 

“Leave that shit in there, let’s get some lunch”. I said

Over lunch I confronted her, I let her know that I was aware of her trespasses. I knew everything.

“I let you into my home, don’t see him again”. I said

“I won’t”. she conceded. 

That night we unpacked her stuff. We had a good time along the way. At one point the baby had fallen asleep on the couch. We snuck into the bedroom which was cluttered with her boxes and clothes. We began to have sex and she was riding me, I squeezed her tits and she squirted milk in my eye. We laughed hysterically. She slid off my cock and onto the floor. She was dying of laughter. My gapped tooth princess on the floor, beautiful, naked and mine. I leaned over the side of the bed and could see her pretty face. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever laugh that hard again.” Bronwyn said.

I crawled onto the floor and kissed her passionately. I was in love with her.

“I love you Bronwyn”.

She smiled and kissed me. We got dressed. She asked me to put some clothes in the dryer. As I unloaded the washing machine, I found a bag and a cut straw. I once was a user and knew exactly what this stuff was. Considering it was the first day I did not want to upset her so I decided to hold off. I walked upstairs and tossed the paraphernalia into the wastebasket. I walked into the bedroom.

“You look upset,” gapped tooth said.

“I'm just tired, beautiful, let’s go to sleep.”

She tucked the child into the crib, bedside. She set an alarm for five A.M as she sipped the last of her beer and set it on the nightstand. She leaned over, kissed me goodnight and burped in my face. Such a beautiful demon, tormenting and nurturing.

I remember waking up to her alarm, I watched her beautiful ass jiggle as she walked towards the bedroom door and into the adjacent bathroom. I could hear her opening the medicine cabinets and running water. Then I heard the obvious sounds of someone vomiting. I ran out of bed, knocked on the door. No response. I banged on the door and again no response. I slammed my shoulder against it and broke the door down. She was on the floor unconscious in a puddle of her own throw up. I ran to her, shook her around and slapped her face. I checked for a sign of life. God dammit my gapped tooth princess had no breath, no pulse.

“Bronwyn, baby.” I moaned

I tried CPR for a couple of seconds and realized she wasn't coming to. The drugs had taken her, held her down in the depths and would not release her. Mercy be damned. If I could claw my way into hell and grab her from the clutches of the devil he would hold no contest. But the devil isn't real. Hell isn't real. This, was real. I held her in my arms as I cried to the dispatcher. My baby was dead. Clothes still in their boxes.  Her child in the crib. 

The ambulance’s lights illuminated every corner of the house, the EMTs placed her on the stretcher and covered her lifeless body. I stared quietly into the starless night as the last of the police drove away. I held the child in my arms as he laid sleeping. I whispered a lullaby she would never hear. I kissed his forehead good night