The Suit

Carl stretched his arms high over his head and legs as straight as they would go as he opened his eyes for the day. His first instinct was to grab the sun blocking goggles from his end table. He laid in bed a moment longer, placed his two feet firmly on the the floor grabbing at the shag carpet with his toes. Every joint in his body froze as he looked towards his closet.

When his mother Jenny heard the doctor tell her she had 8 months at best she ordered Carl the finest suit she could find. She took the measurements herself to ensure he would look his best. She was pleased she graduated him from homeschool when he was 16. Proud of herself he was sought after from top publishers for his ability to scan through a manuscript and immediately spot errors. At the time Carl was quite cross she applied, she was confident he would be just as pleased when the day came.

Carl starred at the suit hanging in his closet. He wondered what it would like in the day light. Jenny left him strict instruction of her desires. He loved his mother. The woman that had been his play mate, teacher, friend, confidant, disciplinarian and ultimately captive. He tried to hold back the turning in his stomach, he just made it to the bathroom on time. He looked at his reflection in the mirror in disbelief of the man looking back at him. He felt like the 8 year old boy who just lost his father and who's mother was taking him away from friends and literally hiding him from the rest of the world.

With fists balled tight he banged upon the porcelain sink "I trusted you, I believed you...I loved you" he bellowed.

" How could you do this?, what's wrong with you? and now you left me alone" he sobbed.

He splashed his face with cold water and stood in front of the black suit. It was a three piece suit, naturally his mother bought him a black button down shirt and tie to match. He removed the suit from its hanger and carefully laid it across his bed. He stepped back , "No, Ma I love you but no!" he said shouting at his ceiling.

As he rummaged through his top draw looking for the black dress socks Jenny also ordered for him he instead took out the shorts he wore to bed.

Carl didn't have much need for shorts, his mother always kept the house at 70 degrees. There were many times he didn't even need to dress. At least from the waist down. After all no one saw him below the waist from the computer screen.

While playing hide and seek, hiding in such a spot his mother couldn't find him he started going through some of the boxes in the basement. He had a few more years of growing before he would fit into his father's clothes. That pair of his father's shorts reminded him of the last vacation they took before he succumbed to cancer. Each time he tied the string as tight as he could he would feel the firm grip his father had on his hand as he was trying to run further into he ocean. He couldn't recall the conversation he had digging in the white sand as he and his father watched his mother swim as if she were a child playing in a pool. All he remembers is feeling like the sun rose and set upon him in his fathers heart.

Carl took out the shorts and slipped them on. Then went to the basement tearing apart the boxes until finding a simple t-shirt, slipping it over his head flattening out wrinkles and wiping away dust. He frantically looked for shoes, he found only one which he threw with all his might breaking a window he and Jenny spray painted black years ago. Instinct made him flee towards his room. He stopped on the first floor, "What is wrong with you?, I'm all alone" he screamed.

Carl tore down curtains with fury, stomping and kicking needing to rip apart the sun blocking shades. He stood in the silent center hall squinting. His head began to pound almost as hard and fast as his heart.

Carl has been tall enough for some time now to reach the locks Jenny installed. He swung the front door open hard enough to cause the next door neighbor to snoop.

"Itsy bit, this is all for your protection" she would tell him. Carl spent months pleading for school; to play with the neighborhood kids. He continuously questioned his diagnosis. "Awe Ma, I haven't even been to doc since before dad..."

"Itsy bits I know this is hard, if there was another way I would"

"Ma, I hate this house, hate stupid doc, and hate you most"

"Now itsy I know you didn't mean that, now come give momma kisses and say sorry"

"No, ma I just hate...hate that dads not here, I want to go back to the beach"

Sometime in middle school he understood and appreciated the lengths Jenny went to to protect him. He heard the words XERODEMA PIGMMENTOSUM enough to look them up for himself. He appreciated the the clothing his mother ordered him , but would rather die than be seen in such absurdness. He knew he couldn't bare it if he couldn't see the pages of adventures he dreamed he and his dad were on. Knew more Jenny could not go on loosing him to cancer like his dad.

Carl stomped to his room staring at the suit across his bed.

"I would never to that to you, Ma"

"Whats the big deal though, is anyone even going to be there?"

"Will anyone know who I am?"

"Oh, ma..." he sobbed falling to his knees.

He shaved close to his skin just the way Jenny always loved and splashed on her favorite cologne. Carl slowly slipped on each piece of the suit, tenderly buttoning each button making sure to tie the tie in the slim knot Jenny fawned over while looking through her wedding album when she thought Carl wasn't looking.

As he stood gazing in his mirror admiring how he looked just like his father he bellowed towards his ceiling in wretched pain...

"Ma, how could you leave me all alone?...Do you like the suit, its a perfect fit?"