In this edition of First Line Frenzy, Rebecca Heyman, Editorial Director of Amara at Entangled Publishing, takes us through some thought-provoking critiques of novel openings. Below, you’ll find the highlights, complete with real examples from the session, so you can apply them to your own writing.
1. The power of first impressions (02:30)
Your opening line is your first shot at making an impression, and it needs to be strong. It’s about grabbing the reader’s attention and pulling them into the world you’ve created. For instance:
“The first time I saw a ghost, it was in the churchyard behind my grandmother’s house.”
This line works because it’s immediate and raises so many questions. Why is there a ghost in a churchyard? What’s the significance of the grandmother? Right away, you’re in a world filled with mystery, and the reader’s curiosity is piqued. You don’t need to give everything away — the goal is to make them ask: what happens next?
2. The art of precision: cut the fat (04:17)
Opening lines should be sharp and precise. The last thing you want is to overstuff your first sentence with unnecessary fluff. Consider this:
“Admiring the enormity of God's twinkling grandeur, I once again express my extreme anguish, anger, and arrogance toward the one responsible for ruining me in this lava-strewn world.”
While the imagery has potential, the extra adjectives weigh it down. Instead, cut the fluff and focus on the core of what you want to say. A clearer version could be:
“I stood in the universe, trying to feel smaller.”
Remember, less is more when it comes to your opening. Phrases like “extreme anguish, anger, and arrogance” aren’t adding value. Instead of telling us about the character’s feelings, show us their experience in the lava-strewn world. Lava is already a striking feature, so why over-describe it? You can replace “lava-strewn” with a more powerful, specific verb that conveys the world’s danger and heat.
Be intentional with your language. Say only what you must. By focusing on the experience and environment, your opening line will feel more immediate and engaging.
3. Raising curiosity with an ambiguous hook (08:20)
A good opening line often leaves the reader with more questions than answers. The more you can make the reader wonder, the better. This opening line does that well:
“Barbara Blume had just blown up.”
What does “blown up” mean? Is it literal? Figurative? This ambiguity is what makes the line so compelling. It creates intrigue. Curiosity is one of your best tools. If you can make your reader ask “why?” or “what’s going on?” you’ve already done half the work.
5. Quirky and inviting voice (14:30)
Tone matters. And sometimes the quirkier, the better, like this opening:
“The tarot was downsizing its deck and the fool was the first card to get his layoff notice.”
This offbeat line instantly invites the reader into a unique world. It’s light, humorous, and completely unexpected. The key takeaway? Don’t be afraid to play with tone. Whether it’s quirky (like the anthropomorphization here) or downright serious, setting the right tone early on is crucial in drawing readers in.
4. Avoid over-description (24:54)
While you want your opening to create an image, don’t overwhelm your reader with excessive description. Take this example:
“Pinning the last of her unruly brunette curls, Adelaide Darlington stared at herself in the looking glass, mostly satisfied with her appearance.”
While detailed, this line focuses too much on a minor action (pinning hair) rather than moving the plot forward. This opening starts with a pause, showing the character looking at herself — which can feel flat. Instead of focusing on appearance, you can make the action more meaningful. What’s she doing with that hairdo? Where is she headed? Show us the reason behind the action instead of just the description. A stronger opening might read:
“Pinning the last of her unruly curls, Adelaide took one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs, knowing what awaited her.”
Now we know she’s facing something significant, but we’re still in the action, which immediately makes us want to keep reading.
6. Exposition is not your friend (26:15)
Opening lines shouldn’t just tell the reader everything; they should show emotion and stakes through action and voice. Take this example:
“The last time I saw Jimmy Knowles was the day he disappeared with my money and my wife.”
This is a bit too expository. It feels like the narrator is simply stating a fact – the line becomes a “fact-cake”. A more engaging version might be:
“I hadn’t seen Jimmy in years, not since he took my wife and the money I didn’t know I had.”
Now, we’re getting an emotional hook. The reader is immediately curious about how this betrayal happened and what’s next. This emotional depth pulls the reader in and makes the opening line stronger.
8. Strong visuals with an unexpected twist (27:36)
Finally, let’s look at a line that sets the stage with a powerful image and a twist:
“The fate of humanity changed forever when we learned that life was cheap and robots were expensive.”
This line immediately sets up a dystopian world. The juxtaposition of life being “cheap” and robots being “expensive” raises questions about the society the character lives in. However, the phrasing is slightly off the mark. Life itself isn’t inherently “cheap” or “expensive.” Life doesn't have a monetary value unless you're talking about something like grave robbing or the physical body.
A stronger contrast would focus on human labor or human value — something that ties more directly to the societal implications. For example, instead of life being cheap, consider how human labor or human workers are being undervalued compared to robots. This contrast would give the line more specificity and depth, making it more impactful.
7. Inviting emotion: show don’t tell (39:30)
Sometimes, it’s easy to miss the mark by being a little too detached:
“I shed hysterical tears in public during my childhood because of trivial things until the day my old man uttered the shame he felt for me.”
While this opening certainly tells us something, it doesn't establish an emotional connection with the character. It feels like the narrator is distancing themselves from their own experience. A stronger approach would be:
“As a kid, I used to throw incredible tantrums in public, until my dad told me my behavior had left him thoroughly ashamed.”
This revision brings more immediacy and emphasis, eliminating that narrative distance. It activates the voice, giving us a deeper sense of the character’s feelings. If the entire manuscript had the same distance, it would be hard for readers to connect with the character.
