398 comments

Contemporary

PLEASE COMMENT A FLOWER EMOJI ON MY COMMEMORATIVE THREAD TO HONOR VAYD DANISH!!!!


Mom's eyes are empty. It's not as if they have nothing in them, because they do, but the something that's there makes you desolate inside. The first time I looked at my Mom, really looked at her, was when I was around five.


"Mom, I'm back!!! We did all these awesome things, with the coloring, and I got to run down the slide, and Joey was tagging everyone, and..." My eyes drifted into hers, the ice from her pupils seeping into mine. "Mom? What's wrong?" I tried to walk to her, to reach for her, but she turned away.


"Mom?" My small, five-year-old feet shuffled as if by magic, ran towards my mom. I couldn't understand, couldn't process why she seemed to be avoiding me. Had I done something wrong?


"Complete your homework." A cold, impersonal voice echoed from her room. "That's all I need to tell you. Good night." Only it was three in the afternoon.


Still, like all faithful, abiding children, I did my homework. I did well in school, got through college. Still, I feared that my mother didn't love me.


"Mr. Deswald?" The bank clerk's voice was like a water bottle, drained to the brim but still wet with gunk. It had never crossed my mind to apply for a job at a bank. If it had, I definitely wouldn't have paid it any mind. I walked into the silent office, surrounded by Jos. A. Bank and Gucci, standing out with my under-50 secondhand suit.


"Please, Joe, sit down." The Bank's Chairman was in front of me, fiddling away at his hands like a clarinet player. I used to play the clarinet. That was a long time ago, though, and I only played because my mom had.


"Hello, Mr. Claythorne." I had never met this man, yet he used a nickname for me as if we had been friends for years. I didn't like Mr. Claythorne, which is what I'd decided immediately. He seemed too free, too willing to do anything he wanted. That wasn't something I admired in a person.


"Well, we have reviewed your resumΓ© and we think that you'd be a wonderful addition to the team here." That I wasn't expecting. I had gone out of my way to make it unappealing given my hate towards the profession.


"Sir, I think we're done here." A mere six seconds into the interview, I walked out. I didn't bother to look at his face after having seen the same time and time again. The open mouth wide enough to swallow an orange, the wide eyes saying Oh no he didn't!! Everything about these people was so predictable that it wasn't fun to give them the benefit of the doubt.


As everyone walked by, trying to push ahead, I turned towards McGinty's. That was the one bar I knew no one would question me, try to impose, or inspect. They would just leave me be.


I could still see the neon lights shining, the gentlemen's club and cabaret signs ingrained in my mind. The sickly green seemed as if it followed you everywhere, like a stain you don't want to wash out.


Some people waved to me, some growled at me, some even spat at me. I didn't know why, neither did they, but they did it anyway. After all, why not take out your anger on a random person you won't see again?


The bar was an old coffee shop, so it was still pretty small. I hadn't seen it in a while since I hadn't been in town, but it was still the same. Mom had never let me leave her, even after college. She kept me there to do her dirty chores. At times, I felt like I was born into servitude. She was my Mom, though, and I had a debt to absolve.


There was never any love between me and Mom, only a sense of what I needed to do, what I needed to say to be free. That was why I had walked out on Mr. Claythorne, leaving him shocked and misunderstanding. He seemed like a person that hadn't worked for anything he'd got. That was enough for me to condemn him.


"Hey. Lager or Champagne?" He already knew the answer. I didn't know his name, didn't care, but I did know him. That was all that mattered, and all that mattered to him was what I liked to drink. This was our own way of mutual respect, him living his life and me living mine.


Some people, some classmates, used to ask me about my life. They used to try and understand me, to make me feel better. What they didn't seem to understand was that I didn't want it. Just like I hadn't wanted that job, despite what everyone else might say.


"Hey man." John Galt plopped down next to me, the same resignation as I, not caring to ask how my day went.


"How 'bout them Red Stockings, huh?" He was the only person I really talked to because he didn't question over and over again.


"Eh, they could've played better." John liked sports, so I decided I'd try 'em. It wasn't out of debt to him, but because I trusted his judgment.


"I got the job at the bank today. They thought I actually wanted it!" John slapped my hand congratulating me.


"You always seem to get the jobs. You know, even though you turn 'em down, you still got 'em!" He didn't have a job either, but he did the same as I did, trying to wander around until I got a job I found fun. I didn't know what that was yet, neither did he, but that didn't matter to us. The process of elimination was practically our motto.


"You know, your mom called earlier." The bartender called over, stretching the phone out for me to pick up.


"Ugh, fine." I made a displeased face at John, and I knew he understood. It was like a landlord calling you to tell you rent was due.


"Mom, what is it?" my voice echoed the emptiness in her eyes.


"Drop the act, Joseph. The cat died, come pick her up and bury her." Her voice hadn't changed a bit.


"Fine, coming over now."

December 15, 2020 00:35

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398 comments

12:44 Dec 15, 2020

This is a commemorative thread for an amazing author, Vayd Danish. We will always remember him and do our best to keep Reedsy civil in his wake. Comment flowers to commemorate him.

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12:51 Dec 15, 2020

πŸ’

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Nainika Gupta
13:28 Dec 15, 2020

πŸ’

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Mira Caplan
14:25 Dec 15, 2020

*flowers* ( I can't do emjojis)

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15:08 Dec 15, 2020

πŸ’

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Nora K.
15:23 Dec 15, 2020

πŸ’πŸŒΊπŸŒΈπŸŒ·πŸŒΉπŸŒΈπŸ’ :)

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Avery G.
15:12 Dec 15, 2020

πŸ’

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Zilla Babbitt
18:59 Dec 15, 2020

🌺🌻🏡🌺🌻🏡

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Maya
03:27 Dec 15, 2020

Wow- great story! You managed to show your main character's entire way of thinking in only a few simple scenes. Everything that happened built up his personality and his feeling of being alone. His relationship with others, especially his mother, all added to the story and fit in well. Really nice job! :) Would you mind reading my new story for contest 72, if you have time? It's part two to another story I wrote earlier.

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12:44 Dec 15, 2020

YAS OF COURSE I WILL!!!!!!

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01:06 Dec 15, 2020

john galt John Galt JOHN GALT!!! ahhhhhh woahhhh! You did a great job with some of the personalities! (i plays clarinet)

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Mira Caplan
01:21 Dec 15, 2020

I sing....

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12:44 Dec 15, 2020

Ha lol yeah I included Johnny

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Nainika Gupta
00:46 Dec 15, 2020

ghAAA loved this story!! I know i say it a lot, but its so unique!!! and just...amazing!!! loved how you made the prompt tie into your style of writing!! also my new story is aLsO out!!!

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00:50 Dec 15, 2020

YAY!!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!

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Nainika Gupta
01:06 Dec 15, 2020

No problem!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Nainika Gupta
15:10 Dec 16, 2020

HEY! So I have a question that's been bugging me. Do you think I can leave the To Trap A Heart series at just 2 parts? I mean I could do more for another prompt, but I'm also toying with the idea of leaving it as is. Maybe I could do it from Zachary's POV?? gHAAA I don't know whaddya think?

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15:49 Dec 16, 2020

Yeah I think that the plot has been advanced enough, but maybe add some extras like from zach's pov.

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Nainika Gupta
15:56 Dec 16, 2020

okie thanks so much!!

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01:25 Dec 16, 2020

Silver or gold

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12:52 Dec 16, 2020

Lol

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00:15 Dec 16, 2020

I just read this again and the amount of detail is amazing. The imagery, personalities, characters, PERFECTION!

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00:15 Dec 16, 2020

Thanks again!!!!

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Kate Reynolds
22:49 Dec 15, 2020

WOW LUKE! THIS WAS SO GOOD! I loved the descriptions!!!!! Also THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR ADDING ME IN YOUR BIO IT MEANS A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

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23:16 Dec 15, 2020

YOU'RE WELCOME AND THANK YOU!!!!!

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Kate Reynolds
23:27 Dec 15, 2020

NPP!! :DD

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23:28 Dec 15, 2020

:D

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19:23 Dec 15, 2020

πŸ’ prayers, Vayd Danish although I never knew you :(

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:36 Dec 16, 2020

🌼 yes, when I got to him he'd already left :(

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18:16 Dec 15, 2020

I AM JED AND I LIKE TOADS

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00:15 Dec 16, 2020

omg, hi jed.......

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18:18 Dec 15, 2020

Ha hey Jed

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21:10 Dec 16, 2020

I MADE A NEW STORY TOADY JED

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Mira Caplan
14:25 Dec 15, 2020

You have...17 submissions.............

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14:26 Dec 15, 2020

I do?? Cool!!

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Mira Caplan
14:32 Dec 15, 2020

Yeah..............................I've got 15.................

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14:32 Dec 15, 2020

Lol yeah

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Mira Caplan
14:33 Dec 15, 2020

I need to write more, draw more, and sing more (not just k pop, Katrnatic too.) Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

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14:34 Dec 15, 2020

YES PLS LEARN HEAVEN BY AILEE!!!!!! IT'S HARD BUT YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!

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Mira Caplan
14:32 Dec 15, 2020

Je suis impressed

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Mira Caplan
14:32 Dec 15, 2020

I really have to write more

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14:33 Dec 15, 2020

Totally!!! PLS DO!!!

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I. F.
03:04 Dec 15, 2020

Whoah, what a cool main character! You have a really interesting style, the story was short but it started and ended so smoothly, and by the end, I felt immersed in the main character's world and philosophy. I can't say I relate to him much, but I can understand where he's coming from and he seems like someone hiding a lot of wisdom beneath the surface. Great job!

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12:45 Dec 15, 2020

Thanks so much!! That's what I was going for, and I'm happy it payed off. I just wanted to give a snapshot of his life, and it worked yay!!

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Mira Caplan
01:21 Dec 15, 2020

What Jen said!!! JOHN GALT! I love the characterization, as usual. (I don't understanddddddddddddd. Teach me your ways!!!!!!!!!!!!! You've got double extra credit now, lol)

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13:19 Dec 15, 2020

Comment on Vayd's commemorative thread!!

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12:45 Dec 15, 2020

Yay!!!!!! THanks!!! No, only single because the first was before she said extra credit.

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Michele Duess
13:20 Dec 21, 2020

🌼🌻🌷⚘

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13:21 Dec 21, 2020

:D

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Radhika Diksha
10:50 Dec 19, 2020

🌹 Vayd we miss you.

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Radhika Diksha
10:33 Dec 19, 2020

The fusion of good prompt + your writing style= amazing story. I loved the mother and child relationship more in the story. Keep writing. Well, I have submitted a few stories, would love your feedback on them.

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14:42 Dec 19, 2020

Thanks so much!!!! I really enjoyed writing this!! I'll definitely check those out!!

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Mira Caplan
19:01 Dec 16, 2020

You've got 316 comments on this story..... wow. Je suis impressed, as usual

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19:01 Dec 16, 2020

I know!!!! Also, guess what I'm writing now that has a lot of you in it?????

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Mira Caplan
19:06 Dec 16, 2020

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Malefice!!!!!!!!

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Mira Caplan
19:07 Dec 16, 2020

Part 7 doesn't have Luke...or Eriene, or Alaric. It has two new characters. Well, four-no, five- and someone who was mentioned and saw die.

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19:08 Dec 16, 2020

Ooh, but guess who I made actually alive after all this time.

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Mira Caplan
19:08 Dec 16, 2020

Who???????

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Mira Caplan
18:04 Dec 16, 2020

Hiiiiiiii! Forever will the question remain: Aleriene or...what's the ship name for Luke x Eriene? Luriene?

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Mira Caplan
18:07 Dec 16, 2020

....This is seriously Hunger Games. Alaric is Gale, Luke is Peeta, and Eriene's Katniss.......Karila gives off Rue vibes (so far) and Everlys is the epitome of Glimmer. Therin's like Cato, Raya's like Clove, Emery is...Marvel, maybe, or even Finnick if he wasn't good. Anya's like Johanna, Emmie's like Cinna, etc.

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Mira Caplan
18:08 Dec 16, 2020

I've created an original fanfiction....

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15:07 Dec 19, 2020

No Alaric is Peeta and Karila is like Foxface-ish.

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Mira Caplan
15:45 Dec 19, 2020

So, Luke's Gale? Karila isn't Foxface yet, but more Rue if we're talking personality

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15:48 Dec 19, 2020

Yeah, I'd say Luke would be Gale.

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Mira Caplan
14:08 Dec 16, 2020

New thread!!! (Just cuz...idek)

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14:09 Dec 16, 2020

Yay!!!!

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Mira Caplan
14:12 Dec 16, 2020

Yas, a chai tea latte XDDD

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14:12 Dec 16, 2020

Hehehehehehehehehee

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Mira Caplan
14:13 Dec 16, 2020

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!! Part 7's going to be posted later today, if I can figure out what to write -_- OH I ALSO FIGURED OUT THIS DARK MAGIC SPECTRUM

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Mira Caplan
14:16 Dec 16, 2020

Thank you SO MUVCH for not using Tenebris.... ok. So. Larkwings, Telepaths, and Elementals (all having sub-categories like Telekenetic or Fae, which crosses over Telepath and Elemental.) So, Viju asked if they could turn into inanimate objects or things, like mist or air. That got me thinking. What if it can only be done with Elemental magic on the TENEBRIS Spectrum, not the Lux Spectrum. So, I guess it's like Silver with omnipresence because if you're mist, then......yeah. Anyway, that's it. Oh, and there are Necromancers

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Mira Caplan
14:17 Dec 16, 2020

So yeah

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