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Adventure Fiction

“Come on.” Shirley said. “We don’t want to be late for the safari ride.”

“Coming!” My friend Jessica yelled. 

We hopped onto the safari,and the tourist guide gave us instructions.

 I had already been on this ride a million times so I didn’t need them. 

While we were on the ride we saw rhinos,zebras, and giraffes and more.

We also saw one of the rarest species in the world. The African White Rhino.

I had heard that there were only two left and I was amazed that I actually got to see one in person. When we got off the ride, we were going to get ice cream.

Seeing all those cool animals had made my mouth dry because I was oohing and ahhing constantly. 

While we were walking to the ice cream place there was a rustling in the bushes that made me and Jessica stop cold. I could see spots in the bushes and I couldn’t resist going in.

 My instincts took over and I walked in. The trees blocked out the sound from the zoo and all I heard was silence. 

I could feel Jessica's warm breath on my neck. I heard a low growl then saw it. It was a Jaguar! 

I spirited into the lush green jungle,hitting many leaves while I was running. I could hear my heart beating through my chest.I quickly turned but nothing was there.Jessica and the jaguar were gone. 

I screamed for Jessiaca’s name but there was no response. I started to cry near the bushes. I knew I had to find her. Ahead of me was the dark,green jungle.

Who knows what could be in there. I shuddered,but moved forward. 

I had ophidiophobia. That means a phobia of snakes. And this was a perfect place for them to live. 

I wandered into the forest and about a half an hour later,I started to get hungry. I started scanning for a banana tree or something. Finally,I found one.

I knew it would be a perfect place for a snake to live. I started to climb the tree,looking for the perfect banana. I saw a bright yellow one on the very tip of the tree. The branch looked flimsy and I didn’t know if it could hold my weight.

I had to reach out super far to get it. I couldn't get a good grip,because my hands were all sweaty from thinking about snakes. 

Right when I got a good grip on it I saw a python slithering in the trees. I screamed so loud, I could have scared off all the birds in the United States. 

Then,I fell. I hit the ground hard with so much force,it felt like I just fell off a 200 foot building. 

But truly,I only fell,like,ten feet. I got up,grabbed my banana,and sprinted. I ran as fast as I could and I felt like Usain Bolt. I felt alive.

Once I cleared a hundred feet of that tree, I peeled my banana and ate it. I was about to throw away the peel until I realized that the peel actually has a lot of good things in it. I plugged my nose,and ate it. 

I wanted to throw up, but I didn’t. After another hour I was just walking and then out of nowhere a voice came up behind me and said “boo!” I got so scared I jumped 4 feet high. I turned around and saw Jessica. 

I was so excited,I couldn’t even get words to form from my mouth. I hugged her. I was so excited to see that she was alive. I told her about the snake and the banana. 

I asked her how we got split up, and she said that she went to get ice cream.

We shared a laugh, then kept walking. 

She told me that she was very hungry, like me and we searched for food. Jessica found oranges and I found some mangos. 

We munched on them then we saw a fork in the road. 

I insisted that we go right, but Jessica said that we should go left. We started fighting over which way we should go, then Jessica finally agreed with me. 

I was relieved that she was finally letting me choose. She never did that.

The trail was dark and full of spider webs. The sun started to set, and we were getting scared. I also had a phobia of the dark which is called Nyctophobia. Every time I heard a noise I jumped. 

I felt a little bug crawl up my leg and I quickly brushed it off with my shoe. I heard a loud roar and I sprinted forward. 

I was so thankful that we saw a cave. I sprinted in, then I heard a crunch. Me and Jessica stopped cold. My heart skipped a beat. 

There was a rattle and I immediately knew it was a rattlesnake.

“Run.” I said. I darted out of the cave, and ran to another path along the trail. This one was full of webs and spiders. Jessica had arachnophobia. 

A fear of spiders. This path felt crunchy beneath my feet, but it wasn’t bones. This time, it was just some regular old leaves. But then, we fell. 

There was a cliff and we didn’t even notice. I tried to grab on to the very tip but it was too late. We fell for about 10 feet then hit solid rock.

 I thought the fall would be longer, but I guess I was wrong. I looked around, trying to find a place to get to safety. 

And sure enough, there was a small cave behind us.

“Either we try to jump up on to the tip , or stay in the cave. I said. “Your choice.” 

“I think we should try and jump on to the tip of the cliff.” Jessica announced.

“Ok.” I agreed. Jessica is taller than me and does gymnastics, so she can make the jump. I can’t. I climbed onto Jessica's shoulders and she gave me a lift. I got a good grip and then climbed myself up there. 

Jessica followed right behind me. When we got up, Jessica said that we should take the other trail. I kept telling her that we needed to keep going my way. 

“Fine.” Jessica said. “I’ll go my own way.

“Fine!” I said. Without Jessica, I’ll get lost. “What am I ever going to do?” I thought.

May 18, 2021 12:16

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60 comments

Dhwani Jain
07:19 Aug 05, 2021

Hello Breckin! Here's the long-due feedback you asked for. I know you won't be able to make the changes anymore, but just keep them in mind for next time. --> THE TITLE ~ 'Lost' doesn't really seem as an appropriate title to me, but then again, it is fine if you like it. --> THE CHARACTER NAMES ~ Nice, realistic, nothing too fancy for an adventure story. --> THE BEGINNING ~ I liked it a bit. But there are a few things to work upon. --> THE PLOT ~ I liked it, again. But I thought you wanted to make the story funny by including all the phobias...

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Thank you for the feedback! I totally would edit it but, well, the contest ended a long time ago so I obviously can't. Also, this was not offending at all, because I have been waiting for the comment for a long time and I'm happy that you got to my story! -Breckin N. ;)

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Dhwani Jain
12:08 Aug 05, 2021

Yeah..... I got to the other story as well.... Thank you for waiting, I've been quite busy. =D

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Oh! I didn't see that in my notifications! Let me go check it out.

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Dhwani Jain
12:16 Aug 05, 2021

Oh! You must...it was the one about the summer road trip...that story.

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Ok! I just did! It was great feedback!

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Oh! I didn't see that in my notifications! Let me go check it out.

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Yes, as a matter a fact, I do. At ten years old its kinda crazy.

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Do you have a boyfriend?

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What time is it in India?

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So, hows India?

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12:33 May 18, 2021

I like how you used all the different adjectives to describe what was happening in the story. I could really picture what the characters were doing in my mind. Great story and good job!

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Thank you!

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Please give me feedback on my story!

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Hows India?

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Yes, as a matter a fact, I do. At ten years old its kinda crazy.

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