Don't Leave Me

The world around him was dark, but he did not mind. Darkness was his solace.

"Suriyo, we're leaving for the mall. Get ready!" came a loud voice from the room next to him, interrupting his thoughts. That was his room-mate, Eric. More like, his house-mate. Suriyo supposed they could be called friends, even though they did not meet much, as Suriyo preferred to do everything in the comforts of his room. It was all cherries and blossoms until he used his obnoxiously loud screech to constantly badger Suriyo to accompany him to places.

"No," Suriyo grumbled, his voice rusty from lack of use. Even though he hadn't spoken too loud, Eric still managed to hear him, as he always did. Feeling incredibly frustrated with his hermit friend, he barged into Suriyo's room; at this point, it was taboo between them to do that but Eric was so done.

He pulled at the sheets with which Suriyo had made a burrito around himself. The room was musty and Eric almost for suffocated but he wasn't about to let his friend keep staying in his own little bubble and forget all about the world in the process.

"I cannot go outside; I have sun allergy," Suriyo reminded Eric, scowling at him.

"Ugh. If you're going to be so stubborn about this so called allergy, then put on a goddamned hoodie and take an umbrella! Heck, feel free to finish all of our sunscreen. Anything is better than eating rotten noddles for another night!" Eric shouted with a passion, throwing his hand in the air and probably scaring the neighbours who were trying to eavesdrop on the strange pair.

"Noodles can't rot," Suriyo stated, unimpressed by his ignoramus friend.

"I don't care," Eric grumbled. "If I have to cook noodles for you for another day, I'm going to start an anti-noodle campaign. And there's no way I'm leaving for the grocery store alone because you need to get out of the house before we all start smelling like rotten flesh. Now get dressed before I remove all the curtains in your room."

Suriyo sighed at this new threat. Eric just never understood him. It's not like Suriyo was scared of the sun or didn't want to go outside; he had severe sun allergy. He had even consulted top physicians in the country but no one could find any solution to his problem. They all confirmed that his best choice was the avoid the sun as much as possible. In a fit of anger at his own disability, Suriyo had torn up all his prescriptions and diagnosis reports. Of course, Eric did not believe him; he could never even imagine the kind of turmoil Suriyo went through on a daily basis.

As he pulled a hoodie over his head, his mind was a middle of thoughts. He was so scared of what was about to happen. Why was Eric so adamant in making him leave the house? Why must he interfere with Suriyo's life so often? It felt like Eric had it for him and for a moment there, Suriyo felt like hating him before he pushed the thought away. Eric was just being naive and disbelieving. Perhaps he would soon see how much the sun affected him, when he was writhing in pain with the bright, shiny world looking down at him.

By the time Suriyo left his room, dressed from head to toe in black, gloves covering his hands and a cap throwing shade over his face, one hour had already gone by and Eric was impatiently tapping his feet.

Suriyo walked towards him with a sour look on his face - the perfect disguise for the nervousness within him. He threw one last, rueful glance towards the dark paradise that was his room, before following Eric outside.

+++

The sun was glaring down at him and Suriyo felt like he had just made the worst decision of his life. His heart was beating rapidly. He could feel the cold sweat running down his spine. His hands were clammy and there was a strange buzzing noise in his ears that he just couldn't get rid of. He just wanted to run away - from the people's faces on him, the bright surrounding light, and his friend who had just wanted to make him leave the house. He wanted to run back home, away from the world he had been thrust into.

"Are you alright?" Eric started, worried as he noticed Suriyo's pale face and staggering feet. He couldn't help wonder if perhaps this outing had been too much for a man who had spent almost half of his life believing he had some kind of allergy against the world around him. Suriyo was starting to look frantic and that made Eric feel nervous too. He was about to grab him but Suriyo stumbled behind, losing his balance and falling to the ground with a thud.

Eric was alarmed. From the looks of it, Suriyo was having a panic attack. His whole body was trembling. He was gasping loudly as if he couldn't breathe. His eyes rolled up.

"Water; we need water," Eric thought, shaking in fright. They were in an empty parking lot, and as far as he could see, there was no one to help them there. Because it was a public parking lot, there wasn't even a ticket counter officer nearby. Eric had never witnessed a panic attack and he had definitely never seem the usually passive Suriyo so unstable. All he could think of was that he needed to bring Suriyo back to his senses as soon as he could.

But just as he was about to get up, Suriyo grabbed his hand, shaking his head frantically and whispering, "Don't... Leave."

Eric pursed his lips, at a loss. If Suriyo didn't want him to leave, there was no was he could do it. Especially when he was in such a weak condition. "Breathe," he said the only word he could think of at that moment. Putting his hand on Suriyo's back, he tried to rub soothing circles but he had no idea if it was working.

As for Suriyo, it was as if his life was flashing before his eyes. He saw his childhood home. He had been adopted and his new parents were terribly overprotective over him. But Suriyo did not mind. After all, they'd given him a home. They just did not want to lose him the way they had lost their first child. His parents kept him locked inside the house. He could have everything he wanted, but he could not go outside. Because what if he left them the same way their own baby that left?

From childhood, all Suriyo had known was a beautiful darkness where he was the king of the new life he'd gained.

Until, they had a new child. A child that was their own came into the household and they were so quick to give him freedom.

"You should go out and play with your friends today," they said. 'But you did not allow me have any friends, mother," Suriyo had wanted to say.

"Can you shift to the second floor anex room? It is very sunny there, but your baby brother has very sensitive skin. It isn't good for him," they said. 'But it isn't good for me either, is it?' Suriyo had wanted to cry out to them.

"Please don't leave me," Suriyo mumbled, tears rolling down his cheeks as he held onto the only hand he knew was near him. Suriyo didn't want the person who wanted to help him, to leave. Because he would be left all alone. Who would help him then?

"I won't," Eric said in what he hoped was a comforting tone. "Breathe, in and out."

Suriyo was suffocating under all the layers he was wearing and without a second thought, Eric started removing his mask, cap and loosening a few buttons of his hoodie. It was then that Suriyo started breathing easier, and it took a few more minutes for him to become fully stable.

"Wh-what happened?" Suriyo questioned when he was finally able to speak without losing breath, even though his face was still flushed and sweaty.

Eric smiled at him lightly. "Don't worry about it. You're fine now," he said, patting his head. It was then that Suriyo noticed the lightness in his body. His breath hitched.

"Where is my mask and cap? Did you remove them?" he asked, tearing up once again.

Eric could feel Suriyo panicking again and in a split second decision, he hugged him. Eric wasn't a fool. If even in the middle of a full panic attack, Suriyo hadn't wanted him to leave, then it was highly likely he could be calmed down by staying too. "You're alright," he whispered.

"I'm alright?" Suriyo questioned, his voice so vulnerable that it almost made Eric cry. "Wh-why am I alright? I'm supposed to have sun allergy," he said in a shaky voice, almost as if he was afraid of knowing the answer to his question.

Eric pulled back, carefully observing Suriyo's face for any trace of panic. But all he could see was an intense vulnerability.

"Is there something wrong with me?" Suriyo asked again, his voice louder than it had been before. "What about the doctors I'd seen? What about all those times I suffered out there in the sun?"

Eric pursed his lips, his voice not coming out. He did not know what to say. Was he supposed to call his friend delusional for dreaming up all those scenarios? Should he pity him for falling into the trap of trauma? Or was he supposed to show him sympathy for being in such intense pain that his brain would even make up situations?

Eric did not know, but what he did know is that he would be there for him. And someday, when Suriyo was better, they would walk down the streets together and not be afraid of the world anymore.