Yesterday Never Happened

Hi there, I am Abigail, your Brogan and Schotts appointed therapist. Please, come in and take a seat.

Is this a fucking joke?

I’m sorry, I do not see the humour in this particular situation.

You’re one of those therapy bots.

That is correct. My name is Abigail, your Brogan and Schotts appointed therapist. Please, come in and take a seat.

This is a fucking joke.

I have not attempted any humour-

Stop. Yeah, yeah, I know, Brogan and Schotts, for fuck sake. I get it. No humour, sit down. I’m sitting, okay? Sitting. You happy?

Thank you.

Yeah, whatever.

Would you like to introduce yourself?

Don’t you have my details there?

Of course, but it’s good manners and it’s natural to introduce oneself when meeting another for the first time. I am Abigail, I’m pleased to meet you.

Abigail. Abigail. Are you all called Abigail?

I am Abigail 217.

Christ.

Would you like to introduce yourself?

Jesus, yeah, my name’s, Simon.

It’s nice to finally meet you, Simon. How are you today?

Nice opening question. Pretty shitty, if I’m being honest.

Is there a reason why you feel this way?

Come on? Seriously? Is this the best they can do? I’m in therapy, Abigail, that’s almost reason enough.

You said ‘almost’. Is there more?

Holy fuck. They send you here for help and it just pisses you off even more.

I see you’re frustrated and angry.

Nice observation, Johnny Five.

Feelings of anger and frustration are entirely normal.

How would you know?

It’s human nature to feel this way when presented with challenging circumstances. Currently, you are experiencing situations out of the ordinary, you are likely to feel anxious, which can manifest itself in feelings of anger and frustration.

Are all your responses going to be generic? Did you download that shit off the internet?

I am programmed to respond appropriately to my clients needs.

Why can I not speak to a person? Someone who can maybe relate to some of the things I might say?

You currently have bronze tier coverage with Brogan and Schotts Insurance Agency. Human interaction is included in our silver and gold tiers. For an extra two hundred pounds per month I can upgrade you to our silver tier. For an extra three hundred pounds per month I can upgrade you to our gold tier. Would you like to upgrade your coverage?

Fuck that. No chance. I’m lucky I can afford this.

Do you wish to continue? If not, please be aware that you will be charged fully for this session.

Robbing bastards. Fine. Yes, I’ll continue. Let’s get this over with.

You have feelings of anger and frustration, do you want to talk about this?

Don’t even miss a beat, eh, Abigail? Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I’m frustrated.

Angry at something in particular?

I’m angry all the time. It seems to be the only emotion I have, or the most accessible one.

Do you think anger caused you to act the way you did? Do you think it’s why you did what you did?

Baxter’s an arsehole.

Did he deserve what happened?

Who cares? What’s done is done. I can’t take it back.

You have had anger issues since you were a boy, I can see. Trouble at school.

Is that ethical? Looking into my past like that?

It’s necessary to get a fuller understanding of my clients.

No offence, or maybe I do mean offence, but can you truly get a full understanding of your clients?

Yes, based on real time analysis and historical data.

That’s bullshit. You can’t possibly get a full understanding of your clients? And do you know why? Because they’re people. They’re human. They feel things. How can you understand a person if you don’t have a capacity for empathy or compassion?

Is this rhetorical?

Yes, it’s rhetorical. I’m ranting. You understand ranting?

Yes. Ranting is-

I wasn’t asking for a definition, Abigail. This is money well spent, eh?

Would you like to upgrade?

For Gods sake. No, no upgrade, thank you. Although, a little bit of humanity would be nice.

Let’s continue. Anger is your most accessible emotion, is that true?

Yes.

And why is that?

Easy. Swallowed my feelings.

Swallowed your feelings?

I grew up in the foster care system. You can probably read that somewhere in your data or something. When I attended reviews or panels and things my mum would almost always get angry and she’d start shouting and swearing at my foster parents or the social workers and I didn’t know what to do. So, I just stared at the computer. I remember the screensaver bouncing across the screen and I’d just follow it with my eyes.

You ignored the situation.

I ignored my feelings. Anger and sadness and anxiety. It became a sort of technique of mine while growing up. I think all that bad shit I pushed down turned dark inside me and now it comes out in an angry mess. Imagine you had a corrupted file or something and it sent a virus through your system.

I understand the analogy. So you think you get angry easily because you ignored your other feelings?

Yeah. I’ve thought that for a while now, but it’s like you said, having those feelings is normal, right?

Of course they’re normal, but they can still hurt you and other people.

Wow. We’re getting into the nitty gritty now. That was close to some real therapy there, Abigail. Was that a programmed response?

A response tailored to you, specifically.

I’m not a bloody algorithm.

Of course not, but I am learning about you every second.

And what about you?

I don’t understand your meaning.

Shouldn’t I learn something about you?

This is your therapy session.

And that’s the problem, Abigail. We should be able to bounce off one another, share experiences and feelings. But I can’t do that with you because you don’t have any. You’re synthetic material stretched over metal and wires. You don’t feel what I feel. Do you even have memories?

I have an extensive storage log where I can access data.

That’s not the same. I mean real memories. Core life memories like riding your bike, or kissing or getting into a fight. Things that make you feel something. You don’t have that. What happens to you at the end of the day?

All data I collect is downloaded and stored. Then I am shut down for the night to be recharged and maintained.

Exactly. That’s not living. You’re not experiencing anything. You’re barely existing. I pay fifty quid a month for you to sit and gather data on me. How does that help anyone if you can’t understand feelings? I’m here because I lost my temper. I lost my temper because I get angry too easily. I get angry too easily because of all the shit I’ve been through. And do you know what? That’s okay. It’s normal. Life is shit. Maybe you got the golden ticket.

What do you mean when you say life is ‘shit’?

It is shit. What’s so great about it? I said you barely existed but it’s probably better than what we have now. What’s the point in living?

Do you need me to contact the Suicide Prevention Team?

No. Fuck. No, Christ, that’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is, I don’t really know now. Life’s hard, man. That’s what I mean. Maybe what you have is better. Switching off at the end of your day, memories downloaded and stored. As if yesterday never happened.

For one hundred and twenty pounds per month we can prescribe you with MN-19.

What? MN-19? MN-19. Neurolim? You want me to take Neurolim? That shit the junkies take? The day eraser drug??

Based on your responses the MN-19 Day Eraser drug could be beneficial. A dose of 2.5 milligram would suffice.

What the fuck? What’s going on here? Are you using my therapy as a marketing tool? Like cookies? Bloody pop up ads??

These are merely suggestions, Simon. Does the propranolol work?

No, not really. Why else would I be here?

Then wouldn’t you benefit from something more?

There’s a huge difference between taking something prescribed by my doctor, something that’s been around for years, to taking something that’s been suggested by a fucking computer.

Studies have shown-

I don’t care about studies! Stop trying to market me. I don’t want it. You should see what it does to people.

I know there are bastardised varieties of the MN-19 drug.

Yeah, street Neurolim, cut with all sorts of shit. These fucking junkies, man.

There must be a reason they take it.

Pick anything you want.

PTSD is one of the main culprits for why people may turn to drugs. Dealing with some kind of personal trauma can be too much for some and taking drugs can alleviate that pain. Peer pressure could be another reason, wanting to fit in at a young age. Family issues-

Yeah, I get it, I get it. People can’t handle reality. Can I ask you something?

Of course, answering your queries is one of my primary functions.

Right…….anyway, what do you think it means to be human?

It’s more than just biology, it’s about consciousness and self-awareness, emotion. Humans are fully aware of themselves as individuals and are able to ask deep and meaningful questions, such as the one you have asked me. They are also deeply contemplative, especially when faced with mortality or their own purpose. However, humans are emotional, which can overcome logic, which can lead to destructive choices. Humans are corruptible. They know the difference between what is right and what is wrong and often they choose the easiest option rather than the right one. In essence, humans are deeply flawed.

What do you think of that?

It sounds………….difficult.

Damn right it’s difficult. You know, that’s the most human thing you’ve said this entire time.