45 comments

Crime Sad Speculative

Dear Fake-mother,


You thought,

that you could,

fool me,

make me,

your slave


Yes,

it may,

have worked,

for some time


All,

these years,

it,

has worked,

your plan,

has executed,

perfectly


But,

I discovered,

something


I guess,

that this dangerous,

blizzard,

wasn't preposterous,

at all


It was my key,

my good luck charm,

into figuring out,

your little lies,

you secrets


I hate,

you,

forever


Every time,

now I think of you,

it reminds me,

of a witch,

who tried,

to separate,

my mom,

and me


Who you kidnapped,

who you murdered,

savagely,

like a beast


You think,

you can get,

away with that?


Oh no,Β 

you won't


I can't let you go,

like that,

I won't let you go,

just like that


My revenge,

will be taken,

as soon,

as possible


Oh, just you wait,

my mother,

my ugly, hideous mother


Just you see,

who I,

can truly,

be


I'm just,

as dangerous,

as you can be


You fooled me,

you've captivated me


But until now,

I've suffered,

I've never spoken a word,

harshly against you


There's a limit,

to everything,

in this world,Β 

you know?


The limit,

it has lasted,

here


After I figured,

you dirty trick,

after I figured,

your vicious plan


Now I see,

what a fool,

I have been


Now I know,

what you know


I will break you,

from the threats you,

have done,

to me


You may,

think that I,

feel desperate


But no,

remove that thought,

from your brain,

from your vein


I am capable,

I am strong,

I am bold and brave,

but you are not


Oh, mother,

fake mother,

all these years,

you held to me


Treated me,

like a servant,

like a slave,

like a stray dog,

in your house


Ordered me,

every step,

every moment,

I'm wake


Now I see,

the world so clear,

who I am,

and where I should,

have been


But why?

Oh, mother?

Fake mom?

Just, why?


What did my poor,

sweet mother,

ever do to you?


Even though,

I've never met her,

I know,

she's not as cruel,

as you


Even though,

I've never met her,

I know,

she's better,

much better,

than you


How could,

you do,

this terrible,

sin?


To the woman,

to the lady,

who's as kind,

as a bunny


Who's as sweet,

as honey


I realized,

my whole life,

has been wasted,

as a maid


I just realized,

that my whole life,

I've been in a dungeon,

locked in a cell,

never took after,

never been cared


Looked away,

like a stranger,

in the dark


Tossed away,

like a pebble,

in the sand


Never been valued,

my whole life


Never felt,

the love,

of a mother


Never have,

I ever,

been tended,

from a mother


Cared,

oh so sweetly,

as gently,

as a child


But even,

after I've grown,

it's now,

I realize,

that I'm not supposed,

to be yours


I wish,

I realized,

this sooner


Now my life,

is filled with regrets,

mistakes I've done,

all for you


I am writing,

this to let,

you know,

I know


While you,

were out,

I was working,

out and about


Until I saw,

some dirt,

inside,

the forbidden,

room


I hesitated,

to go in,

I remembered,

your warning


Outside,

there was a blizzard,

it was a terrible,

weather


I knew,

you would be mad,

if there was dirt in the house


I held a deep breath,

in,

as I slowly crept inside the room


That's when I saw,

a big,

a huge trunk


On top,

there were cobwebs


I figured that,

I would clean it,

since I already,

reached your room


I figured,

that I should also,

clean the inside


But when I opened it,

the unlocked trunk


I saw pictures of my real mother,

which had X's marked on the front


I rummaged through,

more things inside,

and that's where I saw,

your letters


You had plotted a plan,

to kill my mother,

you and your gang,

to murder my father


You pretended,

your whole life,

that you were,

my mother,

my rightful,

guardian


But now,

I know why


You thought,

you inherited,

all my parent's money,

if you killed them


But you see,

I won't let,

that happen


I will make sure,

you pay,

for the price,

you did,

to them


Now I feel,

no regret,

that I barged,

inside the forbidden room


You thought,

that you could,

hide this,

from me,

forever


When you,

went out,

I too wanted to go,

to clean,

the workplace


But after,

all my chores,

were done


I saw,

the blizzard,

it was coming,

and not just for fun


I was snowed,

inside,

this house


That is how,

I figured,

your ruthless,

secret


I am writing,

this to let you know,

that I won't give,

you any mercy,

for all the actions you've shown


All my life,

I've grown up,

in a stranger's arms


But I'll forget,

this brutal past


I will leave,

all of this,

behind me


As I lock you up,

and give you,

to the cops


I will run away,

searching for a better life,

without you,

leaving,

my eighteen years,

of life,

all behind me


I don't need you,

I guess,

I never have


All these terrible things,

you have done,

to my family,

all for money


You greedy,

witch!Β 


You pesky,

you selfish,

you avaricious,

ravenous,

troll


Do,

know this,

that all this money,

can never buy,

you happiness


In fact,

you never,

even deserve,

to have a hint of love,

care,

and affection,

by someone else,

you ogre


You don't know,

the meaning,

the true and beautiful meaning,

of a family,

of a peaceful life


Can you imagine?

Living a life,

with a stranger,

who pretends to be,

your mother?


Can you imagine?

If you learn,

that "mother",

has killed,

your real mother and father


You do this for your happiness,

for your greed,

for more money


But I won't,

mark my words,

you ogre


I won't let you live,

a life of happiness


Yours NOT truly,

(and who DESERVED to have a better life)

Elise


"Hello, 911? I need you to arrest a murderer called..." Elise called the cops, and then she ran away from that home, escaping for a better life.

~The End~













January 17, 2021 18:45

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45 comments

Nancy Drayce
20:14 Jan 17, 2021

This is so cool Laila!! I really like the plot of this story! The emotion was there and the idea was very well executed! Amazing! πŸ’œπŸŒŸ

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Thank you so much Nancy! I am so glad that you liked the emotion build-up I used in this! :)

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Hey everyone! Hope you are all having a good Sunday! Things to share about this story: 1. This entire story is wrote in a poetry. Now, I have done this type of story before, and it seems like my first try to do a story like that really had worked, and I am pretty happy about that success. So I figured that if I wanted to get better at this skill, I have to keep practicing it. This prompt was the perfect time that I could try and practice this again. If you are wondering what story I did which had a poetry format, I will leave the title and ...

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Okay Hari! This was really really good! I love your portrayal of emotions! And how you organized the story was really nice too! I love how you added in a back story it made it more touching! I enjoyed the ending too it was a nice resolve!! Once again loved it! Felt like a fairy tale haha Now for my critique----- I noticed some mistakes in grammar and they are just slight mixed up words. After I figured, *you* dirty trick, - I think you meant *your* after I figured, - I believe *out* should go here it feels like an unfinished sentence. your...

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Thank you so much for your feedback! 1. Yes, I did mean to your 'your' 2. No, since this is poetry, I kinda felt like the 'out' didn't have to be necessary 1. I do mean looked away, like not being cared at all. 1. Oh, if you do want me to change the you's then I surely will! 1. About the commas...so since this wasn't really a normal story and more of a poetry, I figured that putting the commas will make more sense for readers. I guess this is just my own person style of writing them or something, but I will definitely look into these com...

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Ahh, okay I seee! Okay! Can't wait to read more! And of course!! Anytime!

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Fiza Hasan
08:21 Jan 18, 2021

Woah! I love this. This was so emotional, so interesting to read and the way it connected with me makes this even more special. Really well done!

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Ahhh, thank you so much Fiza! I am so glad it connected to the wonderful readers like you!

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Frances Reine
13:49 Jan 18, 2021

There's something so abstract and clean about stories in poetry, especially if they don't rhyme. And this is off-topic but your story brought me back to kindergarten when I thought commas came after every word. It's a strange thing to think after reading this, I know, but it came back so vivid. Anyways-- This was really well done and I have no words to possibly describe it.

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Frances...thank you so much for commenting and sharing your opinion! Means so much!

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Frances Reine
16:55 Jan 18, 2021

Of course! Anytime.

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Whoaa this poem was amazing! I was getting Cinderella vibes at first, but then the murder part happened, which added a nice twist! Gj! πŸ‘

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Coco Longstaff
22:36 Jan 23, 2021

Wow Laila! It’s so cool! Poetry again! I think this one was better than the other one you’ve gotten really good! Fake mother! Like my story! Haha so cool! (Although I deleted it) I think this one was really good and passionate Poetry rules!

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Heyyy, glad to talk to you again Coco!! Thank you so much! <3 Oh no...why did you delete? It must have been a phenomenal story!! =( Yesssss, poetry does rule!! :) Have a great day!

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Coco Longstaff
23:12 Jan 23, 2021

Same here! Oh I wrote it with my friend and she asked me to take it down for some reason Hehe you too have a great day!

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Michael Boquet
23:20 Jan 20, 2021

Wow! No wonder you're #3! I love fiction written in verse. My only critique is, that I think the last paragraph is unnecessary. It's like it belongs to a completely different short story than the one you tacked it on to. Still, great story, well written and compelling.

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20:45 Jan 19, 2021

Wow, that was amazing!

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Akshaya ✨
03:56 Jan 18, 2021

Hello Laila! I love this story so much! I'm glad you tried another story in the form of a poem because the ones you write really are quite amazing! This one kept me reading till the end and I like the overall concept of it! Great job!! :D

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Hi Hari! I'm here again to read your stories!!! Wow, you write so fast, and each story is so beautiful! Loved this poem idea, it was super emotional. Loved how you described the mom! AGAIN AN AMAZING STORY!

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