Love Error

 ‘…To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us apart’

The guests stood on their feet and put their hands together to the newlywed couple. The sounds of clapping from the crowd took over the place along with the tears of joy from everyone.

The spark of the beautiful smiles painted on the bride and groom’s faces, a longing moment that they had been waiting for had finally came true.

“True love can wait,” said Mio who was just next to her, raising her eyebrows looking at her gaily. She gave her a naughty smile then both of them laughed.

Their friend Tasha just got married to the man she loved. It’s a hard work, five years in a ‘Long Distance Relationship’ and finally, they had tied the knot.

The day had changed to dusk. It’s been a long day, Samantha sat on the sand beach without worrying her white dress will get dirty. She was sitting alone getting away from everybody and the deafening band of the wedding.

The wind blew her long hair but she didn’t feel disturbed at all. She enjoyed listening to the sea rushing to shore and the view of the sun which was about to touch the sea in a few minutes now.

“So orange…” she sighed.

“to have and to hold….” She said weakly.

“From this day forward…...” then she laughed. Her tears fell, not knowing either it was a relish tear or sad.

“Moron me,” she said shakily then she wiped her tears.

Her past suddenly appeared in front of her. The most bitter truth that she had to swallow. A chapter that she didn’t want to repeat.

Boyke, a man who had introduced her to what is ‘trauma’. She was not supposed to let herself be fooled but she did. Who wouldn’t fall over a man who could melt heart with his gentleness? Well only a fool like her would, since then it had turned her life into a different ride.

Back in the time….

Samantha was a midwife in a hospital, she worked 8-12 hours a day and that day her chief ended at almost in the middle of the night. She was so tired and that was the hectic day she had ever had in her fourth year of working.

She was dog tired and starving, even so, a tasty fried chicken will not dare to tempt her appetite since what matters the most to her was sleep. She drank a cup of strong coffee before she left the place, to make sure she will not fall asleep while on the road.

I’ve been asleep for a while now…

You tucked me in just like a child now…

It starts in my toes…

She was swayed by the song in her car and her focus was distracted. The car in front of her was not moving and immediately he stomped on the brake pedal. The crashed sounds made her shouted. It was a red light; luck was not on her side she just crashed the car in front of her.

That’s how she met who he thought ‘the one’ for her. It felt like in a movie where the hero and heroine met by accident and it was because of an accident they accidentally met. Was it fate?

A tall guy who was in his 30s just came out from his car and it’s seemed like he was making a phone call. She just looked from inside her car.

“I’m dead meat”, knocking her head on the steering.

She saw he was walking toward her with a serious face. She was terrified until she couldn’t move so she just remained at her sit.

He knocked on her window and gave a signal to come out. Instead of coming out, she just lowered the window of her car.

“I’m sorry sir.” She said with a scared face.

“Are you okay?” the man said.

“I just crashed the back of your car, I’m sorry I was sleepy…. I…. I “she said trembling.

“I’ve called the police”, he interrupted.

“It’s better to wait outside, get some air” he added.

She came out from her car, she looked around and noticed that they had spoiled the smoothness of the traffic.

“I’m sorry sir, I was clumsy, just tell me how much I owe you” she started the conversation.

“Hmmm…. you should be careful next time miss,” he said to her while looking at the back of his car.

While waiting for the police to come, they had a chit chat. He was calmed and nice. He didn’t even curse at her or shout but instead, he talked to her like nothing happened.

He was an entrepreneur, he owned a gym. No wonder he had that muscular body. The traffic wasn’t smooth that night but their conversation seemed going well like a flowing river.

Just in a short time, they felt the clicked to each other. So, they exchanged numbers that night.

It seemed like a fairy tale, where a woman in distress met her prince and her fate changed wholly 360 degrees. The magical thing just happened.

After two weeks of knowing each other, they fell in love and started dating. He always picked her up when her chief ended late at night. Even both were busy with work, they always make time to meet each other.

Samantha felt so lucky and grateful to have such a guy like him. At their age, it’s no more a puppy love but they took it seriously.

So, in their sixth monthsary, he brought her to a restaurant for dinner. It was organized so well, he made a reservation one week before. He even asked for a marvelous VIP room.

He started talking about a wedding and asking her what kind of wedding she wanted. She thought he was just talking then suddenly, he opened a small box of a ring in front of her and proposed. It was a jaw-dropping moment, she was surprised as she didn’t expect it at all. Without thinking she just said “Yes!”

On the way back home, she said about her wedding dream and he just listened to her every word.

“How and why did you like me?”, she asked suddenly.

“Why suddenly you asked?” he replied smiling.

“Just want to know and anyway I deserve to know, right?”, she laughed.

“Hmmmm…. I think you were cute. That’s all”

“So… it’s just because of the appearance I see”

“I have no reason and don’t know how it did, it’s just happened”

She just nodded and smiled back at him then sang along with the radio. He just drove the car steadily and dropped her home safely.

They had planned to get married at the end of the year with a Twilight theme kind of wedding. Both were excited, they also had booked a bridal studio for their pre-wedding photoshoot. She also had been surveying what kind of wedding dress she wanted.

****************

Someone coughed from behind which made Samantha woke from her daydream. He looked at her back, he saw a guy stood just five steps away from her.

“May I join you?” said the macho man. She looked deeply at him, she was familiar with that look but didn’t remember who he was.

“Yeah sure”, she replied. The guy then joined her and sat cross-legged next to her.

 “What make you here? Waiting for the sunset?” she asked.

“What are doing you here? Avoiding from everyone?” the man replied with questions that irritate her.

“What’s wrong with that?” she smirked.

“So you are avoiding from everyone” he nodded.

“Look Mister know it all, just mind your own business” she started getting angry.

“It’s Rick and I don’t know it all” he smiled.

Rick? Sound familiar to her. The only Rick she knew was the nerd guy when she was still in college.

“Rick? Rick the M.A (Medical Assistant)? I almost didn’t know you”, she replied excitedly.

“You did actually” then both of them laughed. Rick was her college mate in a medical school and he used to have a crushed on her. But she always ‘play hard to get’ on him.

“You changed much, of course, I wouldn’t recognize you” she replied.

“I heard you are almost married?” he asked out of nowhere. The word ‘almost married’ put her on shame and it reminded her devastating moment.

************

The night before she knew the truth she was having a great time with her girlfriends. They went to catch some movies, then they carried on the fun with singing out loud at the karaoke bar, went to every drive-thru they saw on their way to order food. Their climax was having supper at a Mamak’s restaurant.

“Gossip in the air!” shouted Mio while lifting her glass of Teh Tarik Ice in the air. They joined her then clinked to each other’s glass.

“Hey... hey the guy at the drive-thru just now was so cute, don’t you girls think so?”, said Mio with her broad smiled and her naughty laughed. Tasha just shook her head and looked at Samantha.

“Oh my God Sammy, you have eaten a set of Mcchicken Burger just now, how can you still be hungry”, said Tasha to Sam.

“This is what happen when you’re in a strict diet at all times, I need to fill the tank in my stomach”, said Samantha while chewing her food.

“Maybe your red month is coming,” said Mio then laughed.

“It just ended last week (menstruation)” replied Sam. All of them laughed again.

While they were chatting, suddenly she got a phone call from an unknown number. She took the call and she was stoned cold.

‘You are marrying Alexa, you asshole!’ said the man in the phone.

She tried to recall who Alexa was, then she remembered one time when she was hanging out with Boyke and his friends, they did mention that name as a joke but then he got angry immediately.

She thought maybe the name mentioned was his ex-girlfriend. That’s why she didn’t care.

‘He is a Trans guy, Sam’ said the man on the phone. She couldn’t say a word.

“What’s wrong?” asked Tasha. She ignored her then went to the washroom while holding her phone.

‘What do you mean? Who are you?’ asked Sam to the man on the phone.

‘You are getting married to Boyke, and weirdly how can you not know who he was I mean she!’

‘Joe? Is this you? I’m confused, I think you are drunk’

‘No, I’m not. I’m sane’

 ‘Are you saying I’m marrying a man that’s not a man?’ 

‘Bingo! Look, Sam, I know this seems rude but you should know it’

‘No, I don’t think so. I think you made a mistake’

‘You go and ask him then, to tell you the truth’

‘Why now? Why didn’t you tell me earlier!?’

She hung up the phone and felt dizzy. It seemed like she was not standing on the ground, she tried to calm herself and went back to her friends.

“What’s up? You are pale, what happen?” Tasha asked. She couldn’t speak for a minute until Mio shook her.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” asked Mio half shouting. She said confusedly “Boyke is a woman?”

His name was Alexa and he changed it to Boyke. The man she loved was not a male birth but a trans man. She was devastated by the fact. He might have looked like a man but deep inside and naturally he was a woman.

All this time she was in love with a person who he thought will be the partner of her life and the future father for their children. The deception that crashed her dream into pieces.

The testosterone hormone pill did a great job on him. His feminine voice had changed deeper into a male voice and he grew a beard on his face.

He worked hard to be what he wanted to be, he signed in for the masculinizing hormone therapy, he took androgen pill and he even removed the boobs that used to be big and cut his hair like a real man.

All the details she knew about him were, he was the only son and his parents were dead. He was not closed with his aunts or uncles and he was not even bothered to know them and his cousins.

She trusted him so much, there was one time she was at his apartment and she saw a photo of a child wearing a gown. She asked him and he said it was his little sister who died at a young age. Now she knew it was him in the photo. The level of her ignorance that made her pissed off to think back.

“I felt so stupid, why me?”, she cried in her room while shouting at her phone. She was in a group video call with her girlfriends.

‘Did you talk to her..mmm..him yet?’ asked Mio casually.

“I blocked him” she cried again.

‘I think you need to talk to her….err him to settle this, silence won’t help…communicate does’ Tasha said.

Love really could make one crazy, half of her wanted to carry on with the marriage since she loved Boyke but half of her didn’t want it since it just not right for her.

That night she decided to meet Boyke at the place they used to meet. She was sitting at a table and she could see the person who she had been waiting for walking towards and finally sat in front of her.

“Are you a woman?” she directed to her point and spilt out everything that she thought emotionally.

“I’m a man now,” he said.

“So it’s true, is it?” her tears were just waiting to drop down her cheek.

“Look… It doesn’t matter, I’m not like a woman now, we are different” he said and tried to calm her.

“I’ve loved you but I can’t do it, even you look like a man, deep inside you are not,” she said shakily and broke down into tears.

He refused to end their relationship at first but he realized who he was. He didn’t have any choice but to end and accepted it. The last words she heard from him was ‘give me back the ring’.

After all of the dispute, she had tried to breathe again but it wasn’t easy. She lost her weight drastically in a week, lost appetite and didn’t feel like going out. She just laid on her bed, played songs on YouTube and self-pity on herself. It had been her daily routine since the broke up.

It took her a long time to open a new chapter. For all the times she had been struggling to trust people and wherever she went and whoever she saw or met, she thought they were fake. It was toughed for her to trust people she just met.

The process wasn’t easy for her, sometimes she felt like crawling and couldn’t move while she was in her healing process. But she thought she didn’t want to look despair and awful in such a long time.

She traveled a lot and explored some new skills that she had until she could stand up and held her head high again.

*****************

The song of the band reaches where they were which had attracted them to look at the wedding reception venue.

The question ‘you’re almost married?’ remain no answer for a while then she replied “Yeah, shame me but thankfully I didn’t”, while crouching her head to the ground.

“So sorry for what had happened,” he said, then he burst into laughter.

“Hey! Are you mocking me? It’s not funny”, she shouted and punched his right shoulder.

“Okay…okay, I’m sorry” while lifting both of his hands, a sign of surrender. Both of them laughed facing each other. She realized she hadn’t talked to a guy in such a long time.

“You know what, that’s what happen when you keep ‘playing hard to get’ to a real man”, he teased her again. He likes teasing her because he thinks she looks funny when she’s upset.

“Nahhh…. I think it’s more like ‘you get what you give’”, she replied.

“Really? What did you give?” he asked looking at her face.

She drew a love shape on the sand and said “Giving this at the wrong person”, she chuckled.

“You know Sam…. the day I find out that you are getting married, I was so sad”, he said while looking at the love shape on the sand.

The sun slowly coming down and it’s getting dark. Both of them enjoyed the view without a word but a sigh of relieved. They get pampered by the sound of the wave and the breeze that touched their skin, it’s been a tiring day.

“I think the sunset tells us to reset,” he said and looked at her with full of meaning. She stared back and looked into his eyes then said “Just don’t be my next mistake”.