A turtleneck and A Lifetime of Firsts

There are so many firsts we experience throughout our lives. Straight out of the womb, I had my first first; I was my parent’s first baby, I was a first grandchild, a first cousin and I was the First born, of four girls. As the first born, my clothes became “hand me downs” for my little sisters. My clothes were mostly “hand me downs” from my older cousins. As a toddler, I had this rainbow turtleneck that I practically lived in. I refused to pass it to my sisters, and even when it became too small, I would wear it like a bikini top. My rainbow turtleneck bikini top. I looked ridiculous. I lived in it. It was bright, colorful, and made me happy. Eventually, my mother was able to pass this turtleneck along and I completely forgot about it. It went through my next two sisters without me even noticing. Maybe I did at one point, but I, as a teenager, was busy getting rid of my little sisters, not wanting them around. Out of the blue my mom gets pregnant.

             Fast forward to eleven years later, and four days after MY birthday, when my youngest sister is born. At this moment in time, I am in the hospital recover from my first car accident. Also recovering from the first of many surgeries. The gap between number three and four is eight years. My parents are getting the bedrooms switched around, I get to share with number two because three is a psycho, and the new baby will be in her own room. As she gets older, my mom would bring garbage bags of our old clothes out of the attic and was them for number four. After she turned one, and fall came, my mom got another bag out of the attic labeled “1-2t winter”. She washed them and put them away as she always did. Number four went through a phase where once she knew how to take clothes off and put them on, she did, all the time. One day, she comes downstairs in a rainbow turtleneck.

               It immediately took me back to my first drink of beer. Why? For starters, my parents were alcoholics. When it came to my baby little sister, I was the one who got up with her and fed her in the middle of the night. I was the one who gave her a bath and made sure she had what she needed. This was not just for the youngest, but for all three of my sisters. Anyway, I was wearing the turtleneck one night and I asked my mom for more juice as I handed her a sippy cup. My parents were both on the couch, it was a sectional. In between the two recliners was a little table with cupholders, but you could open that, and it is a little cubby hole. My parents would keep beer in there to minimize the number of times they would have to get up for refills. My mom opened a beer and poured it into my sippy cup. I drank it, I really do not remember. All I know is I saw her run down in that the rainbow turtleneck, and I went right back to that moment. This might explain why I had a drinking problem before I was even of age to drink. Also, why I quit drinking right after I turned twenty-one. And probably why IF I do go out for a drink, it winds up being a crazy night. It is a rarity to catch me with an alcoholic beverage. My vice is Marijuana. The first time I smoked that I was with my dad. But that is another story for another time. But just like that I was taken to another first!

                               Until I saw number four run down the stairs in it, I did not know I associated that childhood memory to my rainbow turtleneck, but I did. Which brings me back to our lifetime of firsts. This is my first memory. I do not remember anything before this point. Even now, as a forty-year-old woman, I will always have something rainbow striped in my wardrobe. Today, the rainbow is a symbol of Pride. Pride to be part of the LGBTQ+ community and the freedom to love whomever. Although I am straight, I fully support these groups. I also had a “first” with the same sex. In that movie “Coyote Ugly", she says it perfectly: “I played in the minors, never went pro.” For me, it was not “Love.” I just happened to fall in love with a man. Had it been a woman, who would have been fine also. So, kind of like how Faygo soda reminds me of my grandparents who lived across the street from me as a child. I’d always run over there for it. Or how the sound of Puddle of Mudd’s music reminds me of the time I saw any band live, and the lead singer threw a beer bottle into the crowd- Cut a chick up bad. He got arrested and we all learned Wesley was a stage name. Seeing this turtleneck Not Only took me back to my first drink of beer, but it took me to a whole list of firsts; My first memory, first time smoking pot, my first concert, my first car accident, my first surgery and my first Lesbian encounter. Not exactly a lifetime of firsts, but enough to get me started on that memory train.

                   To this day I will always have something rainbow stripped in my wardrobe. Whether it is a shirt or some socks. You never know when you’ll need something bright and colorful, like a Color Run or a Pride Parade. Maybe one day you’re not particularly feeling just one color. No matter what the case is, you’ll appreciate saving a rainbow in your wardrobe for colorful emergencies. And who knows, maybe it could trigger a lifetime of firsts for you like it definitely had for me.