Mask of a thousand lies but a hidden truth

They say pain is relevant to one's happiness, one's fight, one's life experience. Pain is the teacher to the fool and pleasure to the wise.. I don't get it either, but I am the fool in this story, a fool who knew pain and asked questions to overcome pain, a fool who always wore a smile and a thousand lies guided my way.

who seeked reasons for his own existence... I am a fool but I don't want to remain a fool.

I stood on the sandy Beach, staring sadly at setting sun, by instincts my frown slowly twisted up... Why am I smiling? Always smiling, when the world seems to cover my existence in darkness, seems to laugh at my pain? Why do i waiting endlessly for a sign that comes not? I Mused thoughtfully. I tried to move but the endless standing finally took it's toil, I fell suddenly face down on the sandy Beach, taking in some sand into my mouth, I spat it out got on all fours and glared at the sea.

"Yes laugh it up! laugh as they have laughed at me! Why me? Don't I work enough? Show enough dedication? Love enough? Why do I always end up facedown, sad, pathetic, weak? Why me?" I screamed at the sea that seems to have no end, I expected an answer but I knew it was too foolish to expect it from nothingness. I could think of only ending it, suicide maybe? No... This world wouldn't care, they will just laugh at my pain like always.

I sighed and looked up into the dark sky, I smiled at the moon and waved at it for no apparent reason but for the amusement of it. I think I am going mad.. I snickered and chuckled and feeling too tired to stand again, I sat on the sandy Beach and waited. My eyes wandered around the sea till it came upon a colony of seagulls flying north, I adore and envied their freedom of flight, they had no bondage to earth, no need to involve themselves in the court of men, I often wish to have wings, wings to fly away from the pretence, hypocrisy, the temporary joy, the lies I was fed. Then again I could sleep and forget the pain but I will wake up to a new day, new day people look forward to but to me a circle of pain, a loop that keeps going but the pain keeps getting tighter. What is it I need to know? What is my question really? I don't know. I have a lot but I just want one answered.

Bringing me back to reality was presence that felt not my own, I looked up, a old man with a crane stood beside my sitting figure, instantly I grew warily, he smiled at me like a father to his son and asked

"Which is?" Confused I asked him to explain.

"What is your question boy? What do you want to know? You could come here every night and keep shouting at nothingness but honestly that's a waste. So ask away boy"

What does he know about me, his stare seems to prick through my mask, a mask that took years to build, I wanted to cry but no. A man does not cry, he smiled, lifted his arm and placed it on my shoulder, he smiled and squeezed,, he began to slowly pat my back while nodding

"let it go son" he urged me "you have held it long enough, just let it go" I looked at him confused but then, I felt my face become wet, I looked up to see if it was raining but no it wasn't, I was crying, tears began falling and I began wailing, for once in 8 years I let go, not smiling, not holding it in, no mask, I let go, i felt relief, not pain.

"Why do I exist?" I asked. That's my question, something I leaned so much to be answered. The old man smiled then leaned forward

"Is that your question?" I nodded while trying to stop my tears, he gestured for me to stop and said

"Let it go boy, don't stop, show your sadness to the world"

He smiled and genstured if he could sit beside me, I nodded

"What's your name boy?" He asked

I looked up, I looked into his eyes and saw sadness, regret and maybe pride…

"My name Gin" I answed still a little bit confused by the whole situation

He laughed, a hearty laughed "like the sliver soul"

"Huh?" I asked

"Like the sliver soul, your parents gave you a strong name" he replied

"Thanks" I muttered

He sighed, breath in and out, picked up a stone and gave a long throw to at the sea, our eyes followed the stone taking steps on the ocean till it took it's last dip to the dark bottom. He coughed loudly

"Gin life is beautiful. You feel pain, sadness, laughter and love, you cry because you truly live and you feel happy because you are alive, we all have a purpose and yours isn't to be sad, so find your purpose and smile till you get there, you live to enjoy life to it's fullest," I listened but I was confused

"Happiness gotta be very far from me. I am not smiling" I told him. He smiled

"I had a family once, small and honest family, a daughter, a caring wife but such things was reaped away from me from the cold hands of death, I felt pain, I blamed the world, God, man, me, everyone"

"What happened?" I muttered, he smiled

"My wife and daughter were coming back from a family trip but had accident with a drunk driver, when I heard the news, my world came to an end, I couldn't breath or sleep, I did nothing. I didn't go to work and they didn't understand my problem and fired me… life was just blurry after that. A few years later, I understood what life is but that's for another day"

I felt sad for the man, I couldn't apologize because i don't think he pity l but I still muttered a sorry, he took it well.

"Boy... I mean Gin happiness is always there, you just have to grab it, boy you exist to be happy, face your dream and trust me one day you will win the fight

I don't know what you have faced but I believe you will overcome, keep it up and I promise it will end well, Keep all you hold dear, for you don't know when it will all end" I smiled, I looked at the sea, then at him, he smiled once more.

"Thank you" I wispered, hoping he gets it, he smiled at me and said

"Think it over and then get back to me"

I wanted to question, how will I find him?

He said

"Don't worry, when you are ready, you will... Till then fight" he turned slowly and walked away, till I could see his moving back no more back no more...

I laughed, a sincere, wholehearted, happy laughter.

My question was about my existence and I have learnt

Pain doesn't stop you from moving forward, it serves as a motivator