Fear In The Forest

The moon reflects off the water with a white glow that illuminates the trees that line the shore of the mountain lake. Clear skies create a masterpiece of glowing stars, many of the constellations visible as well as the occasional shooting star crossing the night sky like a rocket on a mission to a distant and forbidden planet. Sitting in one of the large pine trees an owl hoots in rapid succession warning others that he has claimed the tree and it would best for them to stay away. Preparing to hunt, the owl scans below for his next meal; perhaps a small mouse or a larger squirrel, the possibilities are endless in the dark. 

The air is heavy with heat, the temperature reaching one hundred five during the day and now only cooling to the low nineties which feels heavenly to Amanda after hiking the three miles to the lake earlier in the day. The trail was shaded but despite the shade the thirty pound backpack felt double in the heat of the sun. The announcement of the scheduled power outage had been released at nine o’clock in the morning, the utility company expecting it to last at least two days. Power outages had become routine during the fire season in the past few years; the utility company viewed it as a protective measure against potential fires during red flag warnings. The winds at home were predicted to reach up to ninety miles per hour overnight setting the scene for disaster should a power pole be knocked over in a gust. It had happened before, now no chances were taken even at the detriment to the people who necessitated power in the excruciating heat. 

Earlier in the day Amanda had decided to escape to the mountains, thinking, incorrectly, that it would be cooler amongst the trees. From her home in the valley it was a four hour drive to the familiar parking lot at the trailhead and by the time she packed up her gear, the dog and some food it was eleven o’clock. When she arrived to begin the hike into the lake it was at the peak of the heat, three o’clock in the afternoon. She filled up her four canteens at the parking lot water station, leashed up Shadow and somewhat reluctantly began the three mile hike. It had been 105 degrees at the time so the hike that should have taken an hour easily stretched beyond ninety minutes. She rounded the last bend of the trail, opening up to reveal the lake with the blue water dancing in the sunlight, the area was devoid of human sounds. It had been years since she had made it out here, the last time being a disappointing and disastrous excursion with her ex-husband. Amanda had already known that she didn't feel the same but had agreed to the backpacking trip as a last ditch effort to try to save the relationship. Life was full of so many complications and distractions and they both erroneously believed that if the two of them were able to leave the world behind for a bit they might be able to repair what was broken. 

She moved out a week after they returned and after six months and a fairly uncomplicated process, she was divorced and starting over at age thirty-five. She gave him the house, it only seemed fair after all of the blood, sweat and tears he had put into the improvements inside and out. There were no children, both had careers and retirement funds the other did not want, so there were few things to discuss or debate. They met at the mediators office to sign the paperwork and she found that despite feeling deflated at the failure of her marriage, she was relieved it was over. 

Shadow was panting heavily as they headed toward the water where Amanda removed her pack and hiking boots before running straight into the water. The lake was filled by the melting snowpack from Mount Lassen making the water a refreshingly cool sixty-five to seventy degrees during the summer months, a welcome reprieve from the heat and immediately lowering her body temperature. Next to her Shadow vacillated between running into the water, swimming and running back to shore and shaking off the water and then doing it again. Amanda was treading water, her hands and feet moving in circular motions helping her stay afloat until she dove head first into the water. Holding her breath she used her arms and hands like paddles to pull the water back and force her body deeper into the cool water. With each stroke she plummeted farther into the water until her lungs ached from holding her breath and she reversed course and kicked her feet to bring her body to the surface, her head breaking through and her mouth exhaling and inhaling fresh air. She does this several times, each time cresting the surface and looking around for signs of life, human or animal, on the shore. 

When she and Shadow are sufficiently cooled off they exit the water and make their way up the shore, stepping gingerly and avoiding the uneven rocks along the way, to where Amanda dropped her gear. The intensity of the sun has decreased slightly as the afternoon rolls into evening and the temperature has dropped a degree or two making the set-up of her campsite slightly easier. As a child Amanda and her parents backpacked several times each summer in this forest, providing Amanda the ability to learn many important life and survival skills. In her youth Amanda’s father owned a backpacking and skiing retail store, bringing knowledge and skills from his time in the army to teaching the family to survive for several days in the wilderness. Amanda had yet to be in a situation where she needed to rely on survival skills and she had become very comfortable backpacking and enjoying nature alone, a rare experience for most women.

Within just a few minutes her small two-man tent was up, she had placed rocks in a circle to create a fire ring and she was beginning to gather wood for a fire. She had been humming Hotel California to herself quietly, occasionally singing the words of the song that found its way into her head when she was feeling the most relaxed, when she realized that Shadow was not following her anymore.

“Shadow. Hey girlie, where are you?” she shouted out into the forest. There was no movement, no sign of Shadow. She carefully scanned the area to her right, looking closely at the trees and logs near her campsite. “Shadow!” she started to feel worry rising up her body from her core, a feeling of concern at the unusual absence of her friend. She scanned to her left, again looking carefully and taking in the scene of the mixed conifer forest. The lake and her campsite were located at about five thousand feet elevation so she was surrounded by ponderosa and jeffrey pines, manzanita plants and wildflowers growing sporadically between the trees and fallen logs. There was still no sign of Shadow anywhere and Amanda was beginning to feel the dread growing in her stomach, a deep ache as if she had been kicked right above her belly-button. Shadow never left Amanda’s side, hence her name, something was wrong.

Amanda’s voice had now reached a fever pitch. “Shadow, Shadow, where are you girl?” she repeated continuously as she contemplated her next move. Slowly and gently she reached into the pocket of her pants and found the all-in-one tool she carried with her each time she hiked or backpacked. Her father had given it to her when she was fifteen and taught her how to use each tool. Her fingers traced the edges of the tool as she instinctively knew which of the ten tools she wanted. When her thumb located the knife, she opened it with trained muscle memory and held it at her side, pointed towards the ground. She was thinking at warp speed, imagining various horrible scenarios as she tried to recall where she was when she last remembered seeing, or feeling, Shadow with her. 

“The tent” she said aloud “we were in the tent”. Turning to her right she headed back to the tent with the intention to retrace her steps. At the entrance to the small tent she stopped, thinking back to what she had done when she exited the tent. “What did I do?” she said aloud. Speaking aloud to Shadow was a normal life process for Amanda. Shadow had been her constant companion for ten years and Amanda often spoke out loud to her when they were together. It had become perfectly natural for Amanda to conduct entire conversations with the dog and think nothing of it. In fact, when Amanda was working through a more difficult emotion, speaking to Shadow was generally how she worked it out. Thinking aloud, it was called, but in this case speaking to a dog who could not respond verbally. Shadow often responded physically by curling up to Amanda or placing her paw on Amanda’s body as if to comfort her.

Retracing her steps quickly began to feel useless and Amanda swiveled her head left to right, finally deciding to head into the forest off to her right. Still she called out the dog’s name, now beginning to feel real worry that something terrible had happened to her companion. She left the small clearing entering into the forest and a canopy of pines, focusing her eyes on the landscape around her and silently praying she did not see a large black furry lump on the ground. As she peered through the branches and the shrubbery off to her right, she caught a small movement between two tree trunks. “Shadow” she shouted out, her voice taking on the tone of desperation. A small, brown and taupe colored chipmunk quickly shuffled across the dirt ten feet in front of her. “Help me,” Amanda called out to the chipmunk, “help me find my dog” her voice cracking and sticking in her throat, producing a sob. Amanda felt herself becoming frantic; her arms and legs were beginning to tingle and the thoughts in her mind were moving at warp speed and not making sense. She continued to move forward, one foot in front of the other, through the bushes and shrubs, desperately calling for her dog.

Amanda was not sure how long she had been searching for Shadow when she realized that she had lost track of her location. In the forest the surroundings look similar, if not exactly alike, making it easy to get turned around quickly. Looking up to the sky she realized that the sun had dropped to the horizon, her watch confirming sunset was upon her. Amanda stood still where she was, stopped calling for Shadow and listened. ‘What do you hear?” her father’s voice in her head. “ A stream” she said aloud ‘I hear the stream”. The small mountain stream was the source of her drinking water when she camped here and she knew it was east of the lake. “If I head west I will come to the lake and I can follow the shoreline back to camp”. The sound of the stream was off to her right side which meant she needed to turn left to walk towards the lake. As she walked the feeling of hopelessness began to set in, a raw ache in the pit of her stomach. Where was the dog? What had happened? How could she let this happen to herself? It dawned on her that she had wandered away with no water, so focused on finding Shadow that she had ignored the key variable to survival; water. Her distraction had placed her in a position of being powerless and that could be deadly. Maneuvering her way through the trees and brush she paid careful attention to her surroundings, aware that predatory animals often began to emerge and hunt as night approached.

Twenty minutes later as she approached the lake, the setting sun was orange through the distant smoke and haze from the valley, and the effect was a beautiful rippling glow on the water. A growl of hunger came from Amanda’s stomach reminding her that it had been hours since she had eaten anything. She followed the shoreline north until she arrived at the spot where she and Shadow had entered the lake just a few hours earlier. There was a large log a few feet from the shore and when Amanda reached it she sat down to rest. It was now almost dark, the moon rising replacing the sun setting over the lake. There was still no sign of Shadow and Amanda was feeling depleted emotionally and physically; every part of her body aching and painful and she had lost complete track of time. Her head in her hands and her mind a million miles away, Amanda heard the hoot of the owl followed by a familiar bark. 

“Shadow!” she yelled out loud “Is that you girl?” jumping to her feet and straining her eyes in the dark to try to make out the shape of her dog. All of the sudden Shadow’s head came bursting through a tangle of bushes near the shore of the lake. When she arrived at Amanda’s knees she saw that Shadow was covered in brush and from her left ear blood was streaming and dripping on the ground. “Where were you girl? I was so worried” she reached out for her beloved pet and pulled her head into her chest. Shadow’s rear end wiggled with delight and a low moan escaped her mouth in response to Amanda’s touch. Amanda kissed her head, stroking her sides with her hands before grasping for her collar which was no longer on her neck. While the owl continued to hoot every few seconds, Amanda and Shadow walked slowly through the moonlit night back to the campsite, Amanda realizing she would probably never know what had happened to Shadow that afternoon, but no longer feeling powerless, she was now feeling strong and whole again.