Thalassophilia

No one ever came to Aleena’s rocks. Probably due to fear. Any sailor who dared to get close would inevitably go missing. There were rumors, of course, humans loved their tall tales. They would whisper about a siren whose beauty would lure sailors to the rocky cliffside and cause them to capsize. These rumors flattered her but that's still all they were: rumors. She wasn’t even a siren, at least, she didn’t think she was. Just a regular old, fish-human thing. And she didn’t lure anyone, they just weren’t very good at maneuvering their large boats around the rocky cliffside that she inhabited.  

She loved it when people visited her. She wished they wouldn’t though. Every time they did there would be so much screaming, so much anguish, and death. She saved as many as she could, but in the end, she wasn't very strong and most of them drowned. 

While hauling their heavy bodies to the shore she would search for him. For whoever he was. She didn’t remember much about Before. She remembered what it felt like to have legs and to feel the freshly cut blades of grass brush past her toes. She remembered that her name was Aleena, she remembered that she loved her parents but they were distant, she didn’t remember their faces, she remembered that she was a barista, whatever that meant, and she remembered that she was in love. She was in love with him. She didn’t remember his name or what he looked like, but she remembered the feeling. She remembered love. She could still feel her heart skip a beat and her face burn red every time she thought of him. She could feel her skin prickle, her gut do backflips in her belly, she could feel herself swoon over this man she couldn’t even remember. She remembered what kissing was like, how soft his hand was in hers. She remembered all of that, but she could never remember him, no matter how hard she tried. 

She figured he must be searching for her. He must be on one of those ships. If she saves enough men, if her legacy grew and more people came to visit her cliffside, surely one of them would be him. Surely he would come and save her from her unbearable loneliness. 

She stared at her reflection in the icy cold water. Her hair was longer than when she had first been turned. She once had short hair that was longer in the front and had wispy bangs covering her forehead, the girl staring back at her had waist-length brown hair that was constantly wet and salty. Her deep brown eyes sparkled with sadness, the freckles on her face bloomed from the sunlight. She looked beyond her reflection at her tail sitting in the water. It was all gray and green and slimy. She wiggled her fin and watched the guppies swim away. She thought back to the first time she felt her tail, when she first felt at one with the water. 

She had been drowning. She had fallen off the cliffside and was sinking, and sinking fast. It felt like there was a weight at the bottom of her ankle dragging her down into the inky blackness of the empty sea. She screamed but the water muffled her anguish. She watched as a cascade of bubbles ruptured from her mouth, they were almost beautiful. They were almost peaceful. But she was in pain. Her lungs burned and her eyes stung and she was choking and thrashing and the weight at her ankle pulled her faster and deeper. She prayed, she called out to anything that would hear her to save her, to spare her. To let her feel that love again… 

And something heard. 

An impossibly large black mass, darker than the water around it, like it was made of pure void. The corners of her vision were beginning to blur. She was dying. The dark mass moved and she thought she could make out the figure. A massive hand, with rings that shimmered in the barely visible moonlight, scooped her up, and held her gently, like a hurt and fragile bird. She couldn’t see what the hand was connected to, it disappeared into the inky black water, but it was massive, too massive to describe. And though she was afraid of it, though she wondered where it came from with what little consciousness she had left, she also felt at peace. It lifted her up to the surface and placed her gently on the shore. When she got back up, when she finished choking up saltwater and oxygen seared its way back into her lungs, she thought she heard a voice.

It said, “You spoke to me and I heard. I heard your cries of fear and desperation, but most importantly, I heard you cry out for love. For this, for your unbreakable heart, I will grant you a second life. Use it wisely,” 

Then she woke up. She woke to sand in her mouth and dry eyes and pain in every limb. Her legs felt heavier. Too heavy. That's when she looked down and saw it. The tail. It shimmered in the light of the rising sun and in the moment all she felt was peace. She saw the beauty in everything. Everything in life, all the pain and suffering and blissful euphoria, all of it was beautiful as she ran her fingers over her new appendage. 

She was snapped out of her thoughts by loud shouting in the distance. She glanced up and saw a decently sized ship with its crew all crowded around the side pointing at something. When she followed their fingers she realized that she was the thing that had captured their interest. Sheepishly she waved at them and they all but passed out then and there. Some were screaming, some were praying, some were about to fall off the ship from leaning over the rails to get a better look. 

“Be careful!” She called out as the boat neared one of the larger rocks. They didn’t listen. They instead shouted things about ‘it speaking’. She was a little frustrated as the ship plowed into the rock and they all cried of the ‘siren’. She let out a sigh, jumped off her rock and into the cold water, and began making her way to the ship. 

She loved swimming. The water surrounded and caressed her and felt like an embrace from some unseen entity. Maybe it was, she thought to herself. Maybe the water was what saved her that night, what gave her her second chance. Maybe the water was her Goddess. 

She worked fast, grabbing one man at a time and swimming them up only to throw them onto the shore and swim back down. Since the ship was pretty small she managed to get them all to the surface, once she was done she perched back up on her rock to sunbathe and wait for them to hopefully wake up. 

The first few woke and she quickly tried calming them. “Hello there!” and she was greeted with a scream. 

“Please don’t run,” and she was returned with their backsides as they ran away. 

She felt a sinking in her heart, like her heart was drowning but there would be no Goddess to grant it a second life. She was so lonely. She only had her reflection and the fish to talk to. Each man woke up one by one, each time she would try to speak to them and they would run.  She ran her fingers through her hair and tried to look approachable but even the ones who slowly and groggily woke up, their eyes scanning her face with a confused look, would eventually glance down to where her legs should be and begin to panic. 

That is, until there was one left. This one looked different from all the others. The most noticeable differences were their long hair and soft features, when the mermaid got a closer look she even saw the human had the shape of breasts under their soggy shirt. Aleena gasped. 

“A woman,” She whispered to herself. 

Said woman began to move, furrowing her eyebrows in pain, but had yet to open her eyes. Aleena peered closer until their noses almost brushed. For some reason, she felt her face grow warm. 

That was of course the perfect time for the woman to open her eyes. She quickly sat upright and nearly hit her head on Aleenas. 

The woman gasped and choked, some saltwater splattering on the sand below her. She had coily black hair plastered to the side of her face. Her skin was dark and smooth, she wore exactly what all the other sailors wore, her eyelashes were long and her brows arched in a way that gave her the appearance of always being slightly upset. And Aleena found herself thinking that she looked beautiful. 

The woman glanced her up and down, eyes landing on the tail and then bouncing back up to the mermaid's face. 

“I must be dead,” She croaked. 

Aleena giggled, “No, you aren’t dead. Though you almost were if it weren’t for me. You’re welcome by the way,” 

Aleena laughed at her own joke as the woman in front of her continued to stare with wide eyes and furrowed brows. She watched as the human lifted an arm and then punched the skin right above her elbow. She whispered, “Ow,” then looked back up at Aleena. 

“What is-?... You know what. I’m dreaming. This has to be a dream. I mean you can’t… You…” And for whatever reason, her voice cracked. Aleena guessed it was from the hacking she did moments ago or perhaps it was a human thing she didn’t understand. Still, she hated seeing sadness disgrace the woman's beautiful face and so she decided it was her job to be rid of it. 

“You’re the first person not to run away from me. You must be very brave… I’m Aleena, what’s your name?” 

The woman didn’t move and so, thinking maybe she had water in her ears, Aleena moved closer. She got as close as she was before, she could feel the woman's warm breath gust across her lips, “So… What’s your name?” 

The woman abruptly scooted back until they were several feet away from each other, “My name is Robyn… I-... I’m a sailor though I… I haven't been for long.” 

Aleena appreciated the woman's voice, it was deep and rich and smooth. It was just like all of her, soft and perfect. Aleena felt like the men on the ship after seeing herself, she felt like her heart was hanging over the rails, uncaring about its impending doom. 

“You are the first human to not run away from me… Can I ask you a personal question, Robyn?” She asked. She scooted to where she was sitting on top of her tail so that she could face the human directly. She wiggled her fin and it glistened in the light.  Robyn looked at her skeptically and nodded. “Have you ever been in love?”

Robyn sat, as still as the rocky cliffs that surrounded them, for several long moments, until she eventually shook her head and began to get up. Aleena watched as she mumbled something along the lines of ‘must be dreaming… maybe I hit my head…’, wiped sand off her uniform, and began to walk away. 

Aleena felt panic rise in her chest, “Wait!” she called out. The human paused and turned around. There was something strange in her eyes, something sparkling there like an unknown sadness. 

“Yeah?” The human whispered. Her voice once again doing the thing that Aleena absolutely didn’t understand. 

“Look, I-...” Aleena began, then took a breath to regain her composure, “No one talks to me. Everyone is either too afraid or dead and I-... I’m really lonely… Could you please stay and talk. Just for a little while?” 

Robyn thought it over. She had that foreign sadness in her eyes as she looked over at Aleena but not with fear. Never with fear. And because of that Aleena felt over the moon. 

After what felt like years of silence Robyn finally nodded and walked back over to sit in front of the mermaid. Aleena shifted and waited for her to say something but instead her eyes were transfixed on her tail and it was clear that she wasn’t going to speak. 

“So… have you?” She asked. 

The human said “What?” without ever taking her eyes off the tail. 

“Have you ever been in love?” Aleena stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world and really, it was in Aleena’s opinion. 

Robyn finally looked up and made direct eye contact with the woman in front of her. Though she no longer looked reminiscent or confused, her brows furrowed and a vein was visible on her neck, “Is this some kind of joke? Does God think this is funny or something? What is this?” 

Aleena didn’t understand the woman's reaction so she tilted her head to the side and tried again, “Is… is that a no?” 

“What?” Robyn called out. Her face grew redder with rage. A fist slammed into the sand, causing a nearby seagull to dart off into the sky, “Of course I have! I was… I mean… I am… But… But she’s gone so it doesn’t matter,” 

Aleena's eyes grew wide, “She?” 

Robyn sighed, “I am not about to explain the intricacies of heteronormativity to a mermaid.” 

Aleena suddenly gasped, “What if I have been looking in the wrong place this whole time? Oh Gods above what if I missed her? What if I saved the one I love without even knowing it was them? How can I be so stupid?” and she flopped onto her belly, sending sand flying in all directions. 

She heard Robyn spitting and looked up to see her swatting sand from her face. Aleena stifled a giggle. “What are you-... What?” Robyn asked while wiping off the remainder of the pesky rocks. 

Aleena sighed again and rolled over to her back closing her eyes to avoid the harsh sunlight, “Well, I was once a human and, long story short, I almost drowned and some Goddess- I think- saved me. When I woke up though I didn’t have any memories of my life. All I remember are small things here and there but most importantly... I remember I was in love with someone. I have been searching for them ever since…” 

She opened her eyes when the blaring sun was suddenly blocked out by some form. Her eyes dilated and she saw Robyn sitting upside down above her with an impossible to read expression on her face. 

“So you don’t… remember me?” She whispered. 

Aleena raised a brow, “Should I? Did we know each other?” 

Robyn sat there, with that strange expression. She glanced away in thought, then turned back to look at the mermaid on the ground. She took a breath and suddenly their lips collided. 

It was a fast and soft kiss, both clearly nervous and unsure, but when they pulled apart everything clicked. It wasn’t that all her memories came racing back like she thought would happen when she met Her Love, it was more so that all the memories she had previously had- all the fast heartbeats and blushed faces and prickling skin- had a face. A voice. A name. 

When they pulled apart she darted up and held a hand to her lips. She turned back to see Robyn doing the same. 

“Aleena, I-... this better not be a dream,” Robyn whispered and suddenly she was tackled back to the ground. She let out an ‘oof’ as the wind was knocked out of her lungs but when she looked up she saw Aleena happily smiling above her. 

“I remember. I remember you,” She stated cheerfully. 

Robyn smiled warmly and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Yes, by the way,” She said. Aleena looked at her confused as she brushed the hair out from Robyn's face. 

“To your question…  Yes, I have been in love before.”