Why...

That's the thing about this city, that is what I am always wondering. Why? I can never leave this city and day after day after day, I ask myself why. Simply just why. Why can't I leave? Why can't I move away? I have dreamed of moving away, far away to a small countryside in Britain, climbing out onto the rooftop of a small cozy cottage at the absolute crack of dawn, just when you can barely see the sun peeking out from behind the mountains and tall, thick, pine. When it looks like someone just put a miniature, almost microscopical dot in the middle of the mountains. I see myself sitting, half awake. I'm slightly cold from the roof as it is covered in mourning dew. I see myself sipping on warm, slightly steaming coffee from a mug that says something like "farm life". I imagine breathing in the fresh, rich, deep green, pine. I imagine breathing in every bit of fresh chilled oxygen I can get. The kind that you get when you walk outside for the first time in a while. But somehow there is definitely something keeping me here though, in this city. This city every day, I stay. Every day though, I wake up at 7:00 a.m. as close as I can get to asleep without sleeping. I groan and slowly roll out of bed. I bring myself to my closet, sit there, cool from the feeling of waking up. I stand there mesmerized by the thought of going back to sleep for a month. Still, though I bring myself to the conclusion I must go to work as it will be worth it. Although as I pull on my shirt I wonder how it will be worth it. I quickly throw on my outfit and hastily grab a breakfast bar and a banana. As weird as it sounds it's not all bad. If I ever have time I grab a bottle of water too. I catch a cab down to the corner of Magnolia Street. That is where my work is located. I greet the desk clerk and go to my office. I have a wonderful view of the coffee shop from the 5th floor. The first thing I do when I get to my office is pull open the window and look at the coffee shop and traffic below. I wait until lunch break. Then I get coffee and just admire every inch of the small shop. I absorb the smell of a pumpkin candle burning on the counter and the smell of fresh pastries being brought out of the oven. On Fridays, I decide to get pastries. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe it is that small coffee shop. Maybe that is what keeps me here. I work looking at a bright screen for 10 hours a day. with 9 hours just having water and breakroom coffee. Then I come home and drop my bag at the door. I feel like I could lay down right there and rest for a while. My legs feel like if someone poked them they would shatter into 1 million pieces. Ever so slowly I walk through my small apartment and over to my room. I drag to my drawer containing my pajamas. Once I'm changed I face plant into my bed. It feels like I am asleep instantly. I do it all again until that one day. That one day when I can sleep in and look at the sunlight seeping in through the slightly open window. That one day when I feel like a queen. When I feel like I rule the world. I walk down to the park and sit there, in Autumn I sit for hours. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe the small little park is what keeps me here. Once you live in the city for a while you find a way to let the noises of the city calm you. You find a way to embrace the sounds of man-made nature. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe the noises are what keep me here in the city. Then after that little fraction of my week is gone, back to work and waking up at 7:00 a.m. When there is a rush of the city. Everyone hastily moving to work, yet somehow That creates the sense of peace that washes over me. Because as I know I am not the only one rushing. I am not the only one wishing for a way out. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that sense of peace is what keeps me here. Somehow, someway that is what keeps me here. I spend my time here in the city embracing the small joys day after day finding those small joys. Yet again that is the thing about this city. That is what keeps me here. The magic that never leaves. The small details most people ignore. The coffee shop I watch from the 5th floor, the park, the old bookstore, small businesses around every corner. There is just too much I have not seen to leave just quite yet. Every small moment where you feel like you belong. That is what people spend their whole entire life looking for. Longing for a chance to feel like you belong. Like you have a small piece meant just for you. Like when you find that special book meant just for you. For you only. I have found those moments in this city. In This city is where I have found them. Maybe one day when I have seen it all. When there is nothing new for me here in this city. Then and only then will I even consider to move to my small countryside. Just maybe then. But until then, until that exact moment will I move. Days will pass where I will ask myself why and then think why and remind myself why I stay. Why I stay here in this city. It is weird how "Why" is the question we ask ourselves almost every day from the time we learned what it meant in our 1st-grade class. When we wonder what do we ask ourselves? Why is what we ask. When you question yourself, deciding what you should do, your mind says why should I do this or why should I do that. I ask myself why can't we enjoy the little things in life. Why can't we enjoy the little things like our countrysides or our cities? People long for a change when they can find everything right where they are. In our city. Anywhere in the world, we can find it. I find though here in my city. Right here.