I Really Wish She Wasn't A Lesbian

                  I Really Wish She Wasn’t A Lesbian

          Ever since my dad took me to see Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shagged Me, I became burdened with a high sex drive. Austin Powers with his crooked teeth and hairy chest. He slept with the sexy Russian spy Ivanna Humpalot and he still went home to Cameron Diaz. What a guy!

My dad should have realized he had a problem with his quadriplegic son especially after the movie and hearing me proclaim "I lost my mojo!"

He probably just thought I was asexual. My dad had a habit of taking me to adult movies. Like the time I wanted to see the movie Mighty Joe Young about the giant ape, but he accidentally took me to the movie Meet Joe Black where Brad Pitt plays a mercenary.

           My parents were in a tough position having a quadriplegic for a son. When your disabled son wants to know how to have sex, what do you tell him? My dad being the responsible parent that he was, told me that you had sex with someone you love. I was content with that answer for five years until the fateful birthday party. At the birthday party in question, my older cousin got a little too drunk and proceeded to tell me in front of the whole family the miracle of penetration. My mom was understandably pissed. I still did not understand penetration till much later. I had my first ejaculation at the most awkward time a person could have an ejaculation. My friend and I were on the phone with this girl from school that we had a crush on. In the background she had on the song Barbie Girl by Aqua. She started singing along and when she got to the stanza "you can undress me anywhere" my mind communicated with my body and a spasm of jizz erupted in my pants. My parents just told my friend that I had peed myself. From then on, I lost my privacy. Every sexual awakening I had going forward became a partnership between me and my caregivers. I didn't realize how hard it would be being a quadriplegic. I don't think the average person realizes that I have to have someone there at my most private moments. I have to have someone give me a shower. They have to see me naked so I am forced to live a very communal life when I would rather be an individual. I have to constantly assert myself just to get my needs met. It's a tight rope walk between me and other people. I remember when I wanted to watch porn for the first time. I asked my 41-year-old assistant to go to a website for me. Here was this older woman looking up porn for a much younger man. I was 18 at the time. If she wanted to, she could have taken advantage of me. What could I do to stop her?

           tried to do anything I could to get my first sexual experience. I put an ad out on a website. Help Wanted, sexually frustrated man ready to give a good ride. I thought it was a funny double entendre. The only women that answered were women that wanted to have their husbands film me making love to them. That would be my luck. The first time I have sex with someone, and it could possibly get sold on the black market.

          I tried to go on the normal dating sites but when a woman asks to see a dick pic, I quickly got off the site temporarily. My assistant at the time was a male and I did not feel comfortable asking him to take a picture of my erect penis. In all fairness he offered to do it. I felt it was crossing the line in our relationship. With virginity constantly present, I decided to try phone sex. I found this free hotline. You would record a 2-to-3-minute phone message with your fantasy of choice. Once I recorded my message, they would assign me a number for the woman to press if she wanted to be in my fantasy. Me being a novice at role-playing. I did the only thing I knew how to do and that was to be myself.  I just said, “Hi my name is Fred Booth, I am a quadriplegic who has just finished college and am looking for a good time.” I waited for about a minute. Sure enough, a woman called, and I could hear her masturbating on the phone. When I heard her masturbating, I did what I always did when I got nervous, I yelled loudly with my handicapped voice. “How big are your tits?” She keeps moaning. I say one more time “how big are your tits?” She just keeps masturbating. I'm very frustrated by this point. I just told her "I'll let you finish". Not one to give up easily I try again. Then when I scrolled through the messages, I heard a mother plead with her underage daughter to not mess with older men. Having heard this, I stop phone sex forever.

Years go by and I don't go on any dates. I take a vow of celibacy. Later, just for fun, I get back on a dating site. I see this woman's picture and notice that she's in a wheelchair. She is also on a ventilator due to her ALS. I met her at a local bar, and it is the top worst date I've ever been on. We have nothing in common. I leave the bar hoping to never see her again, but I had no willpower. I wind up dating her for two months. It's our two-month anniversary so I know what's coming. She says in a nervous voice "come to my room." Then she asked me to get in her bed. With this latest development in our relationship, I talked nervously as my aide puts me in her bed. I asked him to take my pants off, but he refuses. I really wished he would've taken my pants off. But it didn’t really much matter in the long run. She wrote me a letter explaining to me that she was a lesbian. I took it hard. I’m still not ready to date again but I think I’m now ready to face my past and create a brighter future.