Strawberry Mustard

“... That’s the thing about this city,”  Jessie droned on “the young people are the future. And if you take me as your teacher, I will show the young people everything I know.”

Everyone in the gym stood up and clapped although most of them had just woken up from a nap and had no idea what Jessie had said. The new student teacher speeches were highly unnecessary, everyone thought so, but the principal enjoyed the ‘excitement’.  Every year there would be around three hours of speeches from annoyingly perky people who were in their twenties. There was always one or two people who weren’t hired because the principal liked watching their eyes tear up as they ran away.

After the speeches, the principal, Mr. Buckly, had all the soon-to-be student teachers stand in a single file line.

“All right,” Mr. Buckly said as he paced in front of them, “Most of you made it. You!” he whipped around and pointed at a young woman with red hair and tons of freckles surrounding her nose “Go start another line over there. You made it in. You!” he pointed at a young man with a short goatee “Go stand behind her. You also made it. You!” He pointed at another young man with a small tattoo of a snake on his arm “ Go stand behind those two. You made it.”

He continued with this, a girl with a gold nose ring and big hoop earrings didn’t make it, a girl with a basketball jersey for the Golden State Warriors made it, a boy with blue glasses and a heavy book bag made it until only Jessie stood in front of Mr. Buckly. 

“You!” he pointed at Jessie “You made it.”

The next day Jessie woke up at 5:30 so she could get to her first day on the job early. Jessie did her usual routine and drove to school. When she got to school she wandered around until she found a classroom for the second graders, she was in class 2R with Mrs. Ross. 

“Hello,” a small boy said  “Are you our substitute teacher?” 

“No,” Jessie replied, “I’m Ms. Jessie the new student teacher.” 

 The boy looked confused. “Really?” he asked, “ ‘Cause Mrs. Ross is on vacation.”  

“Are you sure?” Now Jessie was confused, as well, Mrs. Ross wasn’t at the school?  Mr. Buckly hadn’t informed her of the fact that she would be teaching alone. 

A little girl with a big bright pink bow skipped over to Jessie and the little boy. “Who’s the substitute, Conner?” 

“She’s not a substitute.” Conner said, “She’s just a new student teacher, this is Ms. Jessie.  Ms. Jessie, this is Eva.”

“Hi,” Eva waved at Jessie “Let us show you around.”

Eva and Conner showed Jessie the book corner, they showed her the carpet where they all sat in the morning and during reading time, they showed her a big bulletin board occupying half of a wall. 

“This is our attack planner,” Eva said as they passed the board

“Did you say, attack planner?” Jessie was going to ask, but she was quickly pushed in a different direction. Jessie didn’t get to look at anything on the bulletin board but she was sure Eva had said it was an attack planner. I must have heard Eva wrong, Jessie decided as she was pushed into another corner of the classroom.

The tour ended up being very short so it only took a few minutes. 

“Okay class, quiet coyote,” Jessie said after the tour “Let’s all meet on the rug.”

All the children followed her instructions and joined her on the rug. When they saw Jessie with a name tag that said; HELLO MY NAME IS JESSIE! Stuck to her shirt, they started to whisper. When they whispered it looked like they were playing the game telephone. One kid whispered to the next kid, that kid whispered to the next, and so on. Jessie caught a bit of a conversation between Conner and another boy.

“Is that our new sub?” the boy asked

“Nope,” Conner answered “She’s just a new student teacher.”

“Megan’s gonna have a fit!” the boy said

“I know!” Conner moaned

“I mean, she’ll think we’ve got a new general or something!” the boy went on

Just a new teacher? A new general? Either Jessie needed to get her ears checked or this was an odd class.

“Quiet coyote,” Jessie said again, quieting the class. “I’m Ms. Jessie and I’m going to be your teacher for a few days. Any questions?”

One of the kids raised their hands

“Little girl with the blue sweater,” Jessie called on the girl

“Are you our substitute?”

“No,” Jessie said, “When Mrs. Ross comes back from vacation, I’ll be teaching alongside her and learning alongside you all.”

More murmurs

“Megan won’t like this.” the boy talking to Conner fussed “Like, at all!” 

These boys were two of the most mature second graders Jessie had ever encountered, other than Eva. Even if they made no sense. Jessie thought.

“I guess we’ll just have to say she’s a subsa, toot”

Both boys cracked up. Never mind, she thought

“Let's all go around and say our names and our favorite foods.” Jessie suggested “I’ll start. I’m Ms. Jessie and my favorite food is pizza” 

The kid next to Jessie said, “My name is Emma and my favorite food is candy!”

Jessie wanted to say that candy wasn’t a food but she kept her mouth shut. There was no way she was going to say that to a little kid.

“Hi, I’m Kyle,” the boy next to Emma said “And my favorite food is strawberry mustard”

Jessie sighed while Conner snorted.

“Strawberry mustard?” Jessie asked

“Yup”

After Kyle went Conner was next then Ashley who’s favorite food was broccoli ice cream then Justin who said reaper aid which was lemonade made out of Carolina Reapers (the hottest pepper in the world) was his favorite food. And so on.

After Jessie learned all of the kids' names and their foods, (none of which was real food) the class had music. Jessie brought out her ukulele from her backpack and started playing one of those annoying songs that you hear at sleep-away camp. 

After an hour of listening to dreadful music, they had science. After science, they had writing. And after writing they had math. After math, they finally had lunch 

Jessie led the class to a big green field. They sat down on one side of the field because the other side was occupied by the other second-grade class.

“Oh, I forgot my lunch.” Eva said to Jessie “Can I go get it?”

“Sure,” Jessie said 

Jessie watched Eva walk back to the classroom but when she came back she was pulling a big red wagon filled with food. Jessie peered into Eva’s wagon and saw pizza, candy, and a gallon of broccoli flavored ice cream.

“That’s your lunch?” Jessie asked

“No, silly!” Eva said “This isn’t my lunch. This is.” Eva held up a small metal container holding a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

“Then what’s…” Jessie said “That?” she gestured toward the wagon

“Oh,” Eva said, “This is for the other class.”

Jessie looked across the field toward the other class and saw a girl holding a wagon full of food identical to Eva’s. Jessie didn’t think anything of it. She didn’t think anything of Eva dragging a wagon full of food either. She thought it was nice of Eva to bring food from home for the other class.

As Jessie sat down to watch the kids eat she realized she hadn’t brought anything to eat herself. Surely there’s some free food in the teachers’ lounge, Jessie thought. 

She scanned the field to see if there was any other adult she could put in charge of her class. On the other side of the field, she saw the teacher of the other class talking to an old woman. The old woman was nodding and the teacher was walking away and toward the teachers’ lounge. Jessie walked over to the old woman and asked if she would watch her class. The kind old woman agreed.

The ‘kind old woman’ was the feared Ms. Greenwood. Ms. Greenwood was the meanest teacher in school. 

Ms. Greenwood had agreed to ‘watch’ Jessie’s class but not the way Jessie thought she was going to. Ms. Greenwood walked toward a bench next to the field where a sixth-grader named Greg was sitting and eating popcorn.

When Greg saw Ms. Greenwood, he looked down and hoped she didn’t see him. When he looked up she was walking toward him “Oh great” he muttered. Greg had had enough experiences with Ms. Greenwood. 

She was his sixth grade teacher.  However, Greg could still remember the day in She was his sixth grade teacher.  However, Greg could still remember the day in fifth grade when he first met Ms. Greenwood.  When he had her  as  a substitute. 

“Can I-”

“No”

“You didn’t even hear what I was going to say!”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“All I was going to ask was ‘can I go to the bathroom?’ ”

“And I was going to say, was ‘No’. You can only go to the bathroom if you write me an essay on gray”

Essay On Gray by Greg Gregory

Gray is gray 

Gray is cool

I like Gray

The end

“YOU CALL THIS AN ESSAY? YOU'RE FIRED!” 

“But I don't even work for you!”

“Well, you’re still - Ewwwww! Did you just pee on my shoe?”

“Ms. Greenwood? Suddenly I don't feel like going to the bathroom anymore”

That fifth grade memory was still in his mind as he saw Ms. Greenwood march toward him.  If Ms. Greenwood saw Greg with the popcorn he’d taken from the teachers’ lounge he’d get detention for weeks!

“Are you eating school popcorn?” Ms. Greenwood came up beside him ending his flashback

“Ummmm”

“Count me in!” 

“Okay?”

“Go, Eva! Go, Eva! Go, Eva!” Ms. Greenwood shouted

“What? It already started?” Greg asked

“LET THE FOOD FIGHT BEGIN” Eva bellowed from the field

A girl from the other class hurled a jar of peanut butter at Eva but Eva ducked just in time. Eva threw a slice of pizza but the girl rolled over.

Meanwhile, Jessie was storming back to the field because someone took all the popcorn from the teachers’ lounge and left a note saying ‘If you’re reading this because you’re wondering where the popcorn went, blame Ms. Greenwood.’ in messy handwriting. Jessie didn’t know who Ms. Greenwood was but when she found out she would be mad.

Someone squirted gooey creamy salmon-colored stuff which plastered all over her. It tasted like strawberries and mustard. Jessie was alarmed when she found out she was eating strawberry mustard!

“WHO THREW THAT?” Jessie shouted and everyone on the field froze except for Eva who was in mid-air and crashed to the ground.

“Owwwww,” Eva said as she fell to the grass

“What’s going on here?” Jessie demanded.  No one on the field said a word.   

“Can't you see we were in the middle of watching a food fight?” Greg broke the ice by shouting from his bench seat next to Ms. Greenwood.

“In the first grade,” Eva explained, “Me and Megan here,” she gestured to the girl who had thrown a jar of peanut butter at her “were besties. But then one day, Megan stole my lollipop!” 

“And?” Jessie asked

“And we’ve been enemies ever since.” 

“Let's work this out.” Jessie said “both of you need to apologize”

Megan and Eva stared at each other for a while without saying a word.

“Is this how people work things out in second grade?” Jessie asked

“I'M SO SORRY I STOLE YOUR LOLLIPOP” Megan suddenly burst into tears

“I'M SO SORRY I GOT MAD AT YOU” Eva burst into tears as well

They both hugged each other

“Let's be best friends forever!” Megan suggested still crying

“Good Idea!” Eva exclaimed

“BOOOOOOO! WE WANT MORE FIGHTING” Ms. Greenwood shouted

Everybody ignored her.

“Fine!” Greg threw the popcorn on the grass and walked away followed by Ms. Greenwood

“What did I miss? Wait, I missed the whole food fight? I paid extra tips for the ticket!” Mr. Buckley walked up to the spot Ms. Greenwood and Greg were standing at “Yum, popcorn” he picked up the popcorn on the grass and ate it “Ewww, no butter?” and he spit it out

“Awwww you guys are so sweet.” Jessie said ignoring Mr. Buckley “Give me a hug!” 

“We are NOT touching that strawberry mustard!” Eva and Megan  both yelled at the same time.