Almost Perfect

[Contains homophobia]

Today was like every other day. Sunny, warm, content. Every day was like this in my town. A comfortable and safe place where everyone could prosper. 

“Lila!” A tender voice called out as I turned to be greeted by the widest smile known to man. Charlie. 

“Hey Charlie!” I called out in a cheery tone, making sure to shorten the distance between us. Charlie then took my hand in hers, the two of us heading to school. It was always like this, our fingers intertwined as she hummed and skipped down the paved streets. She was perfect and utterly gorgeous. My perfect best friend. The sun always did her justice, making her dark hair shine a copper tone against the sky. Her dark brown eyes become pools of amber that I could get lost in at any moment. I was having my daily moment of admiration when someone with broad shoulders bumped into me. He turned and grinned, winking at Charlie before walking off. I scoffed and turned to Charlie to remark on how rude he was but Charlie was giggling and watching him with glittering eyes. I knew that look all too well. She had a crush on him, of course. He was just her type, tall, muscular, colored eyes. It was ridiculous how every guy she liked looked the exact same. I tugged her further away from him, deciding to take the rear entrance to school. 

“Hey Lila?” She chirped out as I turned to her with the best fake smile I could muster. 

“Yes?” I asked and she fiddled with her fingers, a wide smile on her face.

“I’m gonna ask Anthony out…on a date.” She mumbled. I stared at her dumbfounded, shaking my head and tugging on her arms.

“The guy that just bumped into me? He’s a total jerk wad!” I exclaimed as she pushed me away from her.

“Hey, don’t just grab on me like that…jeez. You’re not jealous are you? If I get a boyfriend then I’ll set you up with one of his friends.” She explained but I couldn’t listen to this nonsense anymore.

“Don’t ask him out! He’s...stinky and dumb and and-” I couldn’t finish my ramblings when the school bell rang. Charlie and I stood in silence before she cleared the air with a cough and gingerly took my hand in hers.

“Come on Lila…let’s just go to class.” She said, barely speaking above a whisper. I let her lead me to the classroom, mind abuzz as I sat down in my usual spot next to Charlie. Except this time, she sat next to Anthony. I couldn’t listen to today’s lecture, everything around me felt warped and out of place. Charlie was supposed to sit next to me. I’m her best friend. We’ve sat next to each other since grade school. When class finally ended I marched up to Charlie and Anthony, glaring at Charlie as I crossed my arms.

“New seat huh?” I asked as Anthony leaned against the desk and shrugged.

“She needed to escape from you suffocating her.” He remarked, earning a slap on the shoulder from Charlie.

“Anthony stooopp” She whined playfully, but of course there was no real repercussion to his words.

“I won't suffocate her” I mumbled and grabbed the edge of Charlie’s sleeve. “We need to go to our next class.”

Charlie tugged away from my grasp and waved me away. 

“I need to…talk to Anthony about something. Okay?” She explained, eyes pleading with me to go. I looked between the two, both signaling me to leave so I did. I wasn’t going to third wheel their love parade, and yet I stayed by the door. Waiting. I’ll be late to class but I couldn’t leave Charlie behind. I could hear their voices muffled by the wall then squealing, no doubt from Charlie, and then silence. The door opened and they came out with giant grins and flushed cheeks. I let out a sigh, to which Charlie grabbed my hand and tugged me down the hall.

“Guess who has a boyfriend!” She exclaimed with absolute joy. I mustered up a smile, shrugging.

“Oh who could it be?” I asked as she giggled.

“Me silly!” She proudly declared before poking my nose with her pointer finger. A gesture I usually loved but today it felt bittersweet. 

“Congrats.” I said, not even able to look at Charlie.

Other than my best friend being snatched up by some worthless oaf, the day was perfect. Anthony had lunch detention so it was just me and Charlie like usual, then we watched a movie for our last period, and now Charlie and I are sipping shirley temples at the local diner. She can’t stop talking about Anthony though. How sweet he is, how tall he is, how handsome he is. I can barely hold myself back from throwing up. 

“Hey Lila? What type of boy would you want to date?” She asked as I shrugged.

“A pretty one.” I replied solemnly.

“You mean handsome?” She asked

“No, pretty. With long eyelashes and long hair. Dainty hands and an elegant nose that matches their striking features.” I rambled on, eyes focused on the straw of my drink.

“That just sounds like you want to date a girl.” She laughed and I stayed silent. The room suddenly felt cold as her laughter stopped and her eyes stayed trained on me.

“Lila you…like boys right?” She asked, her laughter nervous this time.

“Would it be so weird if I liked girls?” I asked, swallowing hard on my saliva as her face fell. Her eyes wouldn’t look at me, why won’t they look at me?

“Charlie?” I called out as I reached my hand over to hers, resting my hand on top when she quickly pulled away.

“Don’t touch me…you. You like me don’t you?” She asked as her face contorted into disgust. I’ve never seen her look at me in such a way. Like I was a vile disgusting creature scurrying in the trash. 

“What?” I asked and laughed. “Charlie, I…you, I don't know” I sighed out, just wanting to hang out with my friend. My best friend. 

“You don’t know?” Charlie sneered as she stood up. “You don’t know?” She repeated as I looked up at her with wide eyes. Why was she being so mean?

“Well…you’re gorgeous Charlie. Of course I know that and you’re my best friend, I don’t know the difference between my love for you as a friend, if it’s somehow romantic. But I’ve never seen a guy as someone I can date. Ever.” I explained and stood up but she was already walking away from me. 

“Don’t talk to me.” She calmly said as I grabbed her arm to which she shoved me away. My shoulder stung, hissing out in pain as I tried to rub it away.

“And don’t touch me! God I should’ve known you were a dyke! You’re always all up on me and tugging me around like I’m your girlfriend!” Charlie was yelling now, causing everyone in the diner to stare. I felt so small, so helpless.

“You’re the one that was always holding my hand…” I mumbled as she let out a frustrated groan.

“Yeah ‘cause I didn’t think you’d try and come onto me!” She yelled, causing anger to swell up inside me.

“I didn’t come onto you! I never said anything! If you would’ve just left my love life alone I would’ve let you date that jerk and eventually I would’ve gotten over you. Just forget about this conversation and let’s go home…watch a movie or something.” I explained, just wanting everything to go back to normal. My anger seemed to calm but she scoffed. Right in my face she scoffed.

“No. You’ll try to make out with me or something. You’re disgusting.” She said as she left the diner. Disgusting. Me? Disgusting? 

I turned to the window and saw her walking down the street, once she turned the corner she was gone. She didn’t mean that, I’m sure tomorrow she’ll show up at my house like usual and we’ll walk to school.

But she didn’t. I waited the next morning and she never came. So I was late to class, and once there she was cuddling up to Anthony, not even looking at me. I stared down at the desk, hand on the seat next to mine as tears fell from my face. No one noticed. No one cared. Not even Charlie.

The next day was the same, and the next after that, and the next after that. All the same. Everything else was perfect. The weather, the town, the people. Everyone seemed perfect but I wasn’t a part of that mold anymore. I wasn’t perfect.