331 comments

Science Fiction Adventure

𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Lita was lying on a bed in the hospital room. Her newborn child, Kai, was sleeping in a bassinet near her bed. He was so small and beautiful.

How? How could these people think of killing an innocent newborn?

She remembered the exact words the doctor said the day Kai was born.

‘He is underweight, he is not healthy, he won’t last long.’

Last long? Kai is not some kind of manufacturing product. He is a baby and it isn’t his fault that he was born underweight.  

Then the situation got even worse when the Citizons came. They read the law from the Law.

‘Any child born underweight, unhealthy, without an organ, with an extra organ, with any disease (mention in section B), or had any problem in any body part or organ, is not fit for the society, he/she must be executed the day he/she is born.’ 

Who? Who are they to decide who has the right to live? 

After some pleading by Lita and her husband, they gave Kai one month to gain weight. Kai lost more weight during the first week but by the second week, he started gaining weight again. Now he was here, one-month-old and healthy-looking but still underweight. 

The Citizons would come today to take him to his destiny.

Lita's husband, Akin, entered the room. He smiled as he saw his wife and his child, but it didn't reach his eyes. He came to sit on a chair near Lita’s bed. He started patting Kai softly on the back and singing a lullaby even though he was already asleep. 

“Isn’t he beautiful?” Akin asked.

“Yeah, he is,” Lita replied. 

She couldn’t say anything else because she feared that her voice might break. 

How can I let them take Kai away from me? No, I can’t, I won't.

“Hey, Akin, listen to me,” Lita said. “Can you do me a little favor?”

“Yeah, Wh-”

Lita cut him off in mid-sentence.

“Take Kai and run away, out of this city.”

Akin was shocked; he couldn’t process her words.

“Wh-what?”

Lita spoke again, slowly and clearly, “Take the baby and go out of this city.”

“Why?”

“Because people from the Citee are coming, they’ll take him away, kill him, and I can’t let that happen.”

“But what about you? You are so weak to even walk. How will we go?”

“I know I can’t walk, that's why I am telling you to take him away.”

“No,” he shouted. “I am not going anywhere without you.”

“Akin, why don’t you understand? Not everyone gets a chance; we’re lucky that we got one. The people from the Citee can be here any second. Now, the choice is yours.”


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

Akin looked at the baby and then back at Lita.

How can I leave her here? No, I can’t, I won’t. But….

Akin looked back at the baby. He was still sleeping, so small and innocent. How could he let him die?

…. I have to leave her to save him. I can’t let the Citizons hurt my family. 

Akin knew the choice was his, either way, he would regret it later. So he chose what felt right at that time. 

Lita handed him a backpack.

“It has everything you need, okay?”

Akin just nodded. He felt bad for leaving Lita here, but she had promised him that she will come once they are safely out of the city.

“You can get out,” Lita said, “of the hospital from the backdoor, there are fewer guards there. From there you can go to Street Five and then straight to the forest. Once you have entered the forest, no one is gonna come after you. If I-”

“If you?”

“I will meet you there.”

“There can be anything in the forest; beasts, savages, and who knows what else.”

“There is nothing you should fear.”

“Will you come?”

“Yeah, I’ll come, I’ll definitely come.”

Akin leaned in and kissed her.

“I will be waiting.” He said as he pulled back.

“You won’t have to wait long,” said Lita. “Now, take the baby and go.” 

Akin moved towards the bassinet. He had never taken a newborn in his arms and the doctors prohibited anyone from touching Kai. His hands were shaking as he extended them towards the child.

How will I take him to the forest?

The child looked so fragile that it might break if not held properly.

Akin slowly lifted the baby and rested his head against his chest; one hand supporting his head another one at the bottom.

I will, for Lita. 

He glanced at Lita, she was smiling, and there were tears in her eyes. He took the baby to Lita. She kissed him on the forehead.

“GO!” She shouted and Akin left the room.


𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Lita started crying the moment Akin left. She felt empty. The only family she had ever known was gone now. She finally stopped crying when she heard footsteps. Someone was coming to her room. She closed her eyes and pretended that she was sleeping.

The noise of footsteps got louder and louder until it stopped at the door of Lita’s room. 

It’s the Citizons.

The door opened and at least three pairs of feet walked in. One of them whispered something to the other. 

Lita opened her eyes slightly to take a peek. There were three people; one man, two women. Lita closed her eyes as one of them, a woman, a nurse came towards her.

“Hello, Ma’am,” she said kindly.

Lita didn’t open her eyes. She was trying hard to breathe evenly. Her heart was beating very fast, her end was near. 

At least Kai is safe.

“Don’t pretend,” said the man, “we know that you helped them to escape.”

They knew. There was no need for explanations. Lita was guilty and they had caught her.

Lita slowly opened her eyes. 

I must face this.

“Arrest her!” The man shouted.

The other woman, a small, fat lady, started walking towards Lita but was stopped midway by the nurse.

“You can’t take her,” she said, “she is so weak, she can’t even walk.”

But this did nothing to stop them. The man took out a gun-like weapon, pointed it at the nurse, and pulled the trigger. There was a loud noise as the bullet left the gun. The bullet hit the nurse and she collapsed on the ground, that very instant. Dead.

The small woman took no notice of her and walked over the body to Lita. 


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

She is brave, she is strong...

Akin was now standing on the edge of the forest, Kai in his arms, not sure of what to do. 

They had safely come out of the City. Their most difficult part of the escape was the hospital. Akin had to fight off some guards at the backdoor to get out of the hospital. It was a tough fight but at last, Akin won.

I was lucky because the guards didn’t have guns that can kill people in an instant.

He kicked a stone, absent-mindedly, on the road. The stone rolled on the road and then suddenly disappeared at the place where the forest and road met.

Akin looked at it, eyes wide open. He blinked. 

What just happened?

He carefully lifted another stone from the road and rolled it towards the forest. It disappeared again.

Where did it go? 

He did this again and again, Kai balanced in his arms until he believed that the stone really disappeared.

What to do now?

He thought of going back to Lita, accepting his crime. But he knew the value. Lita wanted them to go away, he couldn’t waste her sacrifice. He had come this far now he couldn’t go back. 

He looked at Kai, he was still asleep.

“Mummy loves you,” Akin said to the baby. “I love you. You will be safe where we are going. You will be happy, that's what your Mum wants.”

He kissed Kai on the forehead and entered the forest.


𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Are they all alright? Is Kai safe? Did they make it out of the city? OR Are they in some room like this, giving trials?

Lita was sitting on a chair in a room made up only of glass. All four sides were made up of glass. She knew that people were observing her but she couldn’t see anyone through the glass. 

“State your crime,” a voice said.

It came from nowhere in particular but at the same time from everywhere. 

She knew this voice. It was the same voice who asked her the same question about a month ago at the hospital. But at that time she had Kai in her arms.

“I helped my husband and my son, who was guilty of being underweight, to get out of the hospital.”

“This is your second crime?”

It was not a statement, it was a question.

“Yes,”

“State your first crime,”

“I gave birth to an unhealthy child.”

“You know your punishment?”

“Yes,”

She knew the punishment; she knew she would be executed but...

“Today evening, at 6 o’clock”

…at least Kai was safe or she thought so.

“Is that clear?”

“Yes,”

Someday Kai will understand why I did this. 

Lita closed her eyes and waited for death to come.


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

This is amazing. I just can’t believe this. How is this even possible?

Akin was now standing in front of what should have been thick forest but instead, there was grass, only grass for miles and miles with mountains rising far in the distance. He turned around to take in his surroundings. He couldn’t believe his eyes because where there should be a whole city there was just grass.

Where am I? Am I dreaming? No, I can’t be dreaming. The Citizons would have arrested me by now if I was dreaming.

‘All dreams are monitored. Any person dreaming anything rebellious or against the Citee or the Citizons is classified as a criminal, he/she must be executed the same day of the dream.’

What kind of Law is this? There is this word ‘executed’ in every law in the Law.

His train of thought was broken when Kai started crying, actually crying, for milk, for food, for…… his mother.

Akin sat on the ground, took his backpack off his shoulder, and took out Kai’s milk bottle.

“Now you'll be safe,” Akin whispered to Kai, “like your mother wanted you to be.”

***

Akin was lying on the soft grass looking at the beautiful cloudless blue sky. Kai was sleeping soundly on Akin’s chest. Akin felt so happy and so ….free. 

He wanted to lay there forever. He wanted to sleep but he feared that if he slept, he might wake up in his bed at their apartment.

Our apartment, Lita’s, and mine. 

Lita? What about her? How will she come out of the city now? Is she alright?

Akin lay there thinking about Lita when he heard the noise of a car’s engine. He took Kai off his chest and sat up straight.

In some distance, there was a small truck coming towards them. Akin stood up, Kai in his arms, and waved his hand at the newcomers. But he stopped when he heard a familiar voice behind him call his name. 

“Akin?”


𝓛𝓘𝓣𝓐

Lita sighed and sat on the bed. There were still 6 hours before her execution and this wait was driving her nuts.

Lita was locked in a cell which mostly looked like her interrogation room. All walls were made up of glass but this time Lita could see through one of them. In front of her cell was a similar cell. An old woman was sitting inside the cell on a bed. It seemed like she was sobbing. Lita tried to draw her attention, she shouted and banged on the glass but nothing happened. The glass was soundproof and bulletproof. She tried again once, twice, thrice. After the third time, she gave up and sat on the bed, sobbing. 

She hated every second of her life she spent without Akin and Kai. 

***

Lita didn’t hear it, she felt it. She was lying on her bed when she felt commotion in the corridor outside her cell. She sat up and looked out. The corridor was dark at first but after a few seconds four people; two male, two female, came running towards them. One of them, a black-haired girl ran towards Lita’s cell and started typing something on the keyboard outside the cell. All the others were doing the same. After typing for almost a minute, she nodded and smiled at Lita. The front glass of the cell started lifting. Lita looked at activities around her, with her mouth wide open. The glass was fully up by now. The black-haired girl entered the cell and took Lita out in the corridor. Once all the prisoners were in the corridor, the other girl started speaking. 

“Hello, everyone. I’m Valeria and these are my friends, Adela”-she pointed towards the black-haired girl- “Kano”- she pointed towards a tall muscular boy- “and Ezra”- she pointed towards the other boy- “we came here to save you all, to take you all out of this city. We have planned for this day for almost a year and now the uprising has begun. You are getting a chance to get out of this city. So, are you with us?”

“Yes,” Lita shouted before anyone else could even understand the question. Soon, everyone else joined them. 

Lita now felt something more than happiness, something she hadn’t felt for a month. Hope

***

As Lita came out of jail, she felt like she just entered another planet. Fights were going on everywhere, the Citizons v/s the People. The Citizons had their special guns while the People were fighting with everything they had, their arms, their legs, knives, daggers, etc.

Some other people also joined them in the escape. Valeria and her friends took them safely to Street Five and gestured them all to run to the forest. Lita couldn’t run so she just walked behind all the others. Ezra was leading them while Valeria, Kano, and Stella were watching the rear. They had also stolen some of the Citizons’ special guns. 

After running, walking in Lita’s case, for a few minutes they reached the forest. Ezra entered the forest without hesitation and he ….disappeared? 

Lita looked at Valeria for an answer. Valeria nodded and said, “I don’t know how this works, but I know that we’ll be safe outside of this city.”

Soon they were at the place where everyone had disappeared. Lita hesitated but entered the forest.


☆𝓐𝓚𝓘𝓝☆

Akin turned around at the mention of his name. Lita was standing there with a bunch of other people. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He felt every emotion at once, happiness, shock, anger, everything. He couldn’t judge which emotion was the strongest maybe… happiness.

“Who are you?” said a boy, who finally noticed that Akin was there.

But his question was answered when Lita ran towards him and hugged him and Kai. She had tears in her eyes. She took Kai in her arms and started talking to him while Akin looked at the truck coming towards them.

Now we all will be safe.


August 25, 2020 14:31

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331 comments

ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
14:36 Aug 25, 2020

Hello, Dear Reader 1. This is my first story on Reedsy. I hope you enjoy it. 2. I'm a beginner writer so any kind of feedback is appreciated. 3. This story is long (I think so), I hope you didn't get bored. ~D

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00:36 Sep 15, 2020

1. Of COURSE I enjoyed itttttt!!!! This was sooooooo good✌️✌️💓💓 2. Did that☺️😉 3.DIDN'T! Loved very minute!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:20 Sep 15, 2020

Thanks:)

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09:48 Sep 15, 2020

:)

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This was your first story?! No way... It's too good to be a first story! The descriptions are absolutely beautiful, and the storyline is just amazing. I'm so glad Kai's finally safe! Would you mind reading my story and leaving some feedback as well? :)

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17:24 Sep 03, 2020

Hi! I'm not sure if I read this story, or even commented on it, but still: AWESOME! Its dystopian feel makes it more ominous, and the name. THE NAME! WOW! "Citizons." It SOUNDS dangerous, I imagine people in white and blue police uniforms, with a blue glass mask over their eyes! AMAZING! That's all! Hope you have a great day!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
17:42 Sep 03, 2020

Thank you so much:) This comment literally made my day. Thanks again!! Stay safe & keep writing!! P.S. I liked the new section in your bio.

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02:28 Sep 04, 2020

You're welcome! PS. Thank you!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:35 Sep 04, 2020

You're welcome!😊

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03:00 Sep 04, 2020

:)

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Jena Shah
13:24 Sep 03, 2020

Its a beautiful story!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
14:30 Sep 03, 2020

Thanks!!

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Jena Shah
14:37 Sep 03, 2020

My Pleasure! :D

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
14:38 Sep 03, 2020

:-)

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Jena Shah
14:40 Sep 03, 2020

would you mind reading my story?

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
14:41 Sep 03, 2020

Yeah, sure!! Going there now:)

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Amany Sayed
19:39 Sep 05, 2020

So you're sad huh? I'm not gonna tell you I get it, cuz God knows I probably don't. I'm not gonna tell you you'll get through it, cuz that isn't for me to decide. What I AM gonna tell you is that you're amazing. How do I know? Well, you could be across the ocean, or my next-door neighbor, but we all have a little bit of amazing in us. The world needs your smile. you might pass by a sad person, and make their day. You matter to at LEAST one person. That person is me. Probably a whole lota other people too. While the little things might...

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
19:54 Sep 05, 2020

Ohh, what can I say about this. I'm at a loss for words. This was so....? I really don't know what to say. Maybe 'Thank you so much for your sweet words' but it is an understatement. All I can say is..... THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

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Amany Sayed
20:02 Sep 05, 2020

It's my pleasure! Hope I helped relieve some of your sadness! **Sending virtual hug**

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
20:06 Sep 05, 2020

*Hugs back tightly* Thank you so much:)

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Amany Sayed
20:10 Sep 05, 2020

Any time! :)

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
20:13 Sep 05, 2020

You guys are so nice! 😊

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05:31 Sep 02, 2020

Wow awesome !: I love how imaginative the story was and how strict the citizens were . You have described innocence of Kai perfectly! I'm really looking forward to more!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
06:57 Sep 02, 2020

Thanks:) I'm a little busy but I'll write a story soon.

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08:02 Sep 02, 2020

Okay! :)

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
08:08 Sep 02, 2020

I hope you write new stories soon:)

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09:33 Sep 02, 2020

Thanks!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
09:34 Sep 02, 2020

You're welcome!!😊

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Moonchild Ezra
05:36 Aug 26, 2020

It was beautiful! I LOVED the character naming and about the thoughts of a mother. Keep it up!😊💜👍

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
05:40 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you so much:)

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
09:06 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks for following me😊

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Moonchild Ezra
01:33 Aug 27, 2020

Well... I follow those who have written at least one story... so you earned it! 😊💜✨🎆

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
01:45 Aug 27, 2020

Thanks again, I'll write more soon.

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Orenda .
15:35 Aug 25, 2020

OMGGG I'M SOOO IMPRESSED WITH THIS STORY!!!! I'm so amazed by the fact that this is such an amazing first story. I love fantasy (my fav genre) and if this is what you classify as, I'm so stunned! It's this awesome. At first i thought the spelling of citizen is incorrect, but after reading further i realized the meaning behind it. I love the worldbuiliding for a beginner. The plot and concept is pretty unique too. You should definitely start writing more here, you'll improve a lot!!!! I'll mention some points to edit here: "Lita saw four p...

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
15:58 Aug 25, 2020

I'm glad you liked it:) Yeah, we can classify it as fantasy but it's actually dystopian fiction. Thanks for the feedback, I'll edit the things you suggested.

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Orenda .
16:38 Aug 25, 2020

yayy no nppp and yassss, i forgot its dystopiannnn hahahha

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04:39 Sep 12, 2020

I have a new story out. After writer's block. Would you mind checking it out ?

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
07:11 Sep 12, 2020

Yeah, sure!!

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07:15 Sep 12, 2020

Actually 2 of em

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
07:17 Sep 12, 2020

Yeah, I saw!! Just going there!!

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07:18 Sep 12, 2020

:)

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GIRLLLLL, YOU ARE ON THE LEADBOARD! CONGRATS, SIS!!!!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!! KEEP CLIMBIN’, MOON!!! Aaaand I’ve used every name but your own in the comment, so here: TOP 100 IM 3000+ AUTHORS, YOU GOOOOO, DEEPSHIKA! Wooo!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:02 Sep 09, 2020

I'M ON THE LEADERBOARD!?!?!? Thanks, Rainbow!!

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Krishi Norris
12:44 Sep 08, 2020

Nice story! I loved the creativeness and the magical element that flowed through! I did feel that the problem was addressed a little too soon, maybe it got cut out by the word count. Also, the part where Lita gets saved was slightly overdone. I mean, shouldn't the guards have been watching her? Or were they agents playing undercover to save all of the prisoners? Otherwise, this was a great first story on Reedsy! Keep on going!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
13:16 Sep 08, 2020

Thanks for feedback!! The escape of prisoners was pre-planned, that's why they didn't meet any guards. Thanks again:)

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Krishi Norris
13:24 Sep 08, 2020

I still think it would have made it a little more interesting if they met a few guards that weren't part of their mission.

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
13:27 Sep 08, 2020

Yeah, it would be interesting but I can't add that now.

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02:33 Aug 30, 2020

Oh myyyy gooddnnesss, amazingg!!! This was so well written it was beautiful! I loved every part of it. And I am so happy they got a happy ending! The transitions were great! And I loved how caring and sweet both Akin and Lita are!! This is sooooo sooooo goood! I'd totally read this again!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
10:01 Aug 30, 2020

Thank you so much for your sweet words:)

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17:13 Aug 30, 2020

Of course!!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
17:19 Aug 30, 2020

😊😊

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02:30 Sep 02, 2020

Hey Deepshikha! I just wrote a new story if you don't mind can you check it out and tell me your opinion on it (if you have time of course). Thanks!!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:31 Sep 02, 2020

Just commented there.

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:55 Sep 02, 2020

I upvoted some of your comments so now your points are up by 50.

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B. W.
20:44 Aug 29, 2020

Okay i decided to give this story a read and its really good. the thing with the babies like the rules at the beginning give me a vibe from a few stuff from a book/movie called 'the giver' did you maybe get some of the ideas from that or did you just make it yourself? because now it just reminds me of the book with a few of the things. I also just liked the story in general as you did a great job with this story ^^ i don't really have advice besides the only thing you should do is make some more stories as you've only made 1 story and they'd...

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
10:47 Aug 30, 2020

Yeah, I got idea from 'The Giver'. Thank you so much for giving 10/10:D You are so cute, btw are you a girl or a boy? (I think you are a girl) Thanks again, I'll hopefully submit a story this week.

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B. W.
13:29 Aug 30, 2020

I knew it, thats honestly a really good book as well. No problem all the stories here along with yours deserve a 10/10 ^^ wait are you flirting with me?- i don't think anyone's called my that before or are you just saying it? i'm also a girl so you were right with that and i was wondering if you could go check out some of my stories if you want? 'The camp' and 'Not his fault' are some of them

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
13:44 Aug 30, 2020

Oh, no don't take it that way. I was just saying that I thought you were a girl.

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B. W.
13:52 Aug 30, 2020

oh alright sorry about that, its alright then. and thanks i get that you'd be busy for a while just do it when ya can itll be fine ^^

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
13:55 Aug 30, 2020

It's just some little work. I'll read it today.

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
13:46 Aug 30, 2020

And sure, I'll check out your stories when I'll get time. I'm a little busy these days.

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07:48 Aug 26, 2020

You asked me to read your story, so I'm here! It was a very nice story! Very thrilling! It was very creative! I saw you forgot to put some of the periods at the end of every sentence. And though I get what you meant, you could change "Wh-hat?" to "Wh-what?". BTW, are two women and one man four people?

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
08:42 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks for the feedback:) I think my Math is really terrible! lol Well, when I first wrote it there were four people, two women, two men. There was no use of the second man so I edited it but forget to edit that 'four people' line. Thanks for pointing it out.

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11:08 Aug 26, 2020

Lol! I get that! It's happened with me once too! Before I started with Reedsy.

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
11:11 Aug 26, 2020

:D

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
11:14 Aug 26, 2020

Vivaan, Are you related to Akshat Atal?

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11:16 Aug 26, 2020

Yup! I'm his brother!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
11:21 Aug 26, 2020

Nice😊

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I hope these upvotes I have given cheer you up Deepshika! I feel so sorry for you! Someone got rid of like 30 or more of my points! You deserve more points! You are an awesome writer and are so talented! Wish you the best and I hope this helps as a motivation! Happy Writing and stay safe! ~SS

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
03:16 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you so much, SS!!!! I'll upvote you back in some time. Thanks again:)))

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You're welcome! It's a pleasure to help someone and spread a little happiness! 😁

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Also, I think the note in my bio should bring down-voters to their senses. It's just unfair and rude!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
03:43 Sep 19, 2020

Yeah, I saw. It's really nice. I hope the downvoter gets back to its senses.

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Thanks! Downvoting is just like someone taking away your medals and badges.

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Amogh Kasat
15:23 Sep 16, 2020

Hey Deepshika! there is a downvoter who decreased my points from 1780 to 1441 and I moved 10 places down so, please upvote my comments

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
16:08 Sep 16, 2020

I would love to, if you return the favour by upvoting mine. Thanks:)

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Amogh Kasat
17:05 Sep 16, 2020

I will but I am studying now

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
17:23 Sep 16, 2020

Me too, my tests are going on and it's night here. So, I will do probably in the morning or whenever I'll get time. Have a good day:)

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Amogh Kasat
02:11 Sep 17, 2020

thanks, now my online classes are going to start so after some time or when I am free I will do

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:21 Sep 17, 2020

Thanks:) Doing yours now.

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:33 Sep 17, 2020

Done!! It's 1550 now.

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Niveeidha Palani
08:43 Sep 04, 2020

Hi Deepshikha, thank you so much for including me in your bio!!! I'll add you in mine too! Now, to your story ;) This was so cool and your names were sooo.... unique?

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
09:08 Sep 04, 2020

I included you because I LIKED YOUR STORIES SO MUCH!!!! And thanks for mentioning me in your bio:) About my story...... I think that you have already commented on it. But, Thanks!!

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Niveeidha Palani
11:42 Sep 04, 2020

Thank you sooooo much!!!!!! I LOVE YOUR stories too! They're just SOOO creativeeee!!!!! Really? I did? Oops, well, I guess you got more comments on your story! ;)

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Wow! Great job Deepshika! It really hooked me! I love it!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
11:39 Sep 02, 2020

Thanks:)

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Niveeidha Palani
22:00 Aug 25, 2020

A well-written a beautifully sculpted first story to start with! A couple of grammatical errors, but other than that, this was perfect! Keep on writing and have a great day, Deepshikha!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
01:56 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you so much:) Can you please point out the grammatical errors?

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Ahhhh this was so good!! This sort of reminded me of the Hunger Games, in the sense it’s a dystopian story—Citizons, Citee, etc. Dang, this was so creative! I love how you twisted this realistic fiction prompt into this tragic story about another place where a baby could be killed. One suggestion: ‘“Wh..hat?”‘ While I get what you’re trying to say here, it might be more clear if you did: “Wh-what?” or something. Other than that, awesome job, Deepshikha! ~Aerin

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
15:51 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you so much, Aerin:) I edited that 'wh-what' thing. Can you please ask your Reedsy friends to read this?

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It’s on my bio ;)

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
16:20 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you so much, Aerin. It means a lot me.

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
02:07 Aug 26, 2020

Aerin, What is that 'Writing Hunger Games' mentioned in your bio?

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Whisty Boi
07:42 Aug 26, 2020

Basically, you have to write on a different genre every week. On any prompt, of course, and as many prompts as you'd like, but it has to be of one genre. You can find this genre on the top of my bio!

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
08:54 Aug 26, 2020

Wow, Will there be a winner? How will you decide the winner?

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15:43 Sep 20, 2020

Very good story

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ᗰooᑎ ♫ ♪
16:22 Sep 20, 2020

Thanks!!

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