Why Can't We Rewind?

Why can't we rewind time? The purpose is unknown. God has a plan they say. Mistakes lead to growth. Most would use time like soap to clean. We choose our path although others disagree. We throw ourselves into situations and neglect the rest. Proceed with life and abandon the consequence.

Some would try to use a defibrillator to spark love again. Give life to death as would any friend.

Some would become rich and offer bullshit to recommend. Screw the system and claim it's to defend.

Some would just come clean and do things right instead. Abandon substances and just chase the bread.

As for me here is where it begins. My story of regretting my life was trimmed.

Reminiscing like a photograph. A stamp in a moment taken to remember the past.

Ten years back turn the hourglass. Life was already shit didn't expect it to collapse.

At the time my age was double my brother's. He was 17 and mine was in trouble.

Just got through a divorce and she took half. Also created life. She took that back.

Can't see my child because I'm an ex. Regardless of that, I was beyond stressed.

My brother struggled to learn. The third year of high school. People ignore help and others are just cruel. A bit overweight so drawn to hate. Manipulate kindness for Christ's sake. An introvert so stuck in the mind. Eyes down in concrete while holding the pride.

I had my own life and sadly never asked. How are you doing? That thought surpassed.

Focused on working enough. Child support, rent, insurance, and stuff.

Meanwhile, the boiling point was reached. My brother had enough and couldn't take defeat. 

Took control and choose to not breathe. I burned a bridge of trust because I choose to be discreet. 

My punishment I guess emotions are deceased. Confidence vanished and life became incomplete. 

Just a conversation pull that chair. Open your hand and show that you care. Listen and not judge while confessions are given. Appreciate and love spoken with reason. No hate, no anger regardless of the dialogue. Important to be involved because that chance could be gone.

Rewind that day like that movie Click. Start in the morning because I begin to notice. 

"Hey man, what's up how are you? I've seen you've been different I've noticed the mood. Upset and just dragging the feet. Can't see you like this kick me up to speed."

       "Naw man just school don't worry about it. I'm not depressed just tired not sick. Stayed up till 1 am homework and shit. Teachers are strict and writing kills the wrist."

"Dude don't be slick I'm here for you. Not just school but for anything to construe. I want you happy man it means the world to me. I see the pain don't put that in your routine. Love is dark and I know my talking is strange. I'm usually not expressive but I'm no saint."

       "Yeah alright but don't laugh. Been bullied and pointed at. Girls don't look or speak. Kind of in my world alone but not free. Would love to be included nothing crazy. Been part of every event but not seen."

"I've been there but it's alright. Life isn't easy and sometimes not justified. Bullies are assholes no one will deny. With the girls be patient. They will come with time. I understand the feeling of loneliness. Been depressed before and understand the hole it left."

      "Wow didn't think you'd been through it. Seen you always uplifting and going against the mist."

"It's not easy man but I'm not hiding shit. I used to but that didn't help just motivate me to quit. Help is okay no one disapproves of it. Our actions show more than what we'd like to admit."

      "Thank you I appreciate the chat."

"Sure man don't let words freeze the joy you have. You living and breathing it's amazing to accept that. Love and keep fighting that's why the past stays back."

Only if I had known things would have changed. Years down the line and his grades became straight A's. Graduated college and I was present. He met a chick who was profane. 

Spoke about it all every couple of days. Threw advice back and forth like it was the way. He got married and I got to see my kids. My brother told me to make amends with the mother before it destroys the heart if missed. 

He became a doctor and gained kin. Loved him with his soul as I imagine it. His jovial wife, a fortunate job. Made enough to get the whole family to stop. Point made but everyone had their own place. My brother loved life glad that's changed

Another generation passes. Plenty of vacations and challenges. The top-of-the-class doctor wasn't the half of it. Another baby is on the way to a new house being built. Life was good myself included. Married once again although that idea sounds stupid. Same wife as before we had made peace. A fact proved with the kids of three. I came back and put in an effort that she appreciated. Before shit went sour and her love almost evaporated. 

Ten years forward turn the hourglass back. Reality kicked in and it's nothing like that. His funeral was nine years ago. I'm single and alone with nowhere to go. My child grew and forgot about me. She hated me due to her mother's stories. My daughter became a writer, unlike her father. The mother became a receptionist that always worked longer. Living in sorrow I couldn't let go or manage. I let the death consume me like I'm Jesse Pinkman.

Why can't we rewind time? I've learned from my mistakes. I'll speak in signs of pain and respect the rain. Give a hand to pick the lost souls up. Walk with form and straight to not trudge. 

We can't rewind because life loses its color. Forgot about the fun and the point of marital. People would just stay in the past as they do now. Stuck in the moment begging God to not let them out. Some would steal don't get me wrong. Others would experiment bring the dead back as if they belong. Time moves forward for a reason. I'd wish to go back so my brother keeps breathing. Yet I'm here hugging faith and not sleeping. Up 24/7 just blinking and thinking.

Why can't we rewind? Not everyone is evil. Moving dates like it's a thermostat for some people. That's not how it works we move on. Accept a voice don't feel withdrawn. Life will come around trust me. It won't be the same but enough to proceed. Visualize thoughts like a stampede. Take control and be proud of what you'll receive. Piece of mind the chaos was squeezed. If not be careful those thoughts need to be cleaned. 

You can remember there's honor in that. Let the tears fall not hit you like a smack. Treasure their existence instead of focusing on the impact. Because life can't move forward if you stuck in the past. Don't be so stiff cut some slack. Enjoy what others don't have just breathe and relax.